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Old 02-05-2016, 05:06 AM
 
7 posts, read 5,194 times
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For me from the time I was a teen my mother has always been jealous. Now I am not saying I am some super model but I do think I have always looked pretty good, never had trouble finding boyfriends for sure.

But starting as a teen I noticed my mother would always put down my looks, tell me whatever I wore looked awful and she started wearing skimpy stuff and even got a large boob job when I was 14. Even today she still makes mean/rude comments about my looks/body. I went to visit her a week ago and we were talking and she blurts out "How much have you been eating? Looks like you've gained 20 lbs!" then went on and on about some kind of diet she is on.

Hell, even in HS when I started dating I'd have bfs over and she'd walk around in skimpy/tight clothes and would sit right next to them and act more like a gf! I even remember hearing bfs say things such as "Wow, your mom's hot/a milf!!"

If we went out somewhere public like to the mall it would be the same. We could be clothes shopping and she'd constantly say how something would look awful on me whenever I would pick something.

Ironically enough my father was the only one to give any positive compliments, but when a girl hears such mean/horrible things and actively has to compete with her own mother it really hurts. Anyone else know someone like this?
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Old 02-05-2016, 06:23 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,707,564 times
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You are 30 now... get over it. Either on your own or with therapy.
Really... rehashing things from over half you life ago is not healthy.
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Old 02-05-2016, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,913,707 times
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The few times that I have seen a mother even a little jealous of her daughter's looks were unusual situations. I was not close to the situations, they were more like acquaintances or were co-workers telling me about their families.

One case the mom had her first child when she was a HS student and she may have been jealous because her daughter got to do many things that she was not able to do such as go on dates, go to activities, dress up & go to prom.

In another case, the teen daughter was strikingly beautiful and the mom was noticeably physical disabled/disfigured due to a genetic disorder. The daughter was a model, beauty queen and even did some acting in LA. This was someone that I knew in person and even though the mom seemed happy for her daughter most of the time you could sometimes hear a little resentment in her comments occasionally.

In another case, the step-father appeared to be "getting too close" to his teenage step-daughter so the mom was trying to get her husband to focus on her again.

Basically, almost all mothers want the best for their daughters and do not try to compete with them. So, OP, yes, it does seem unusual and strange. But, "get over" the things that happened in HS. And, be firm with mom when she says negative things to you now.
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Old 02-05-2016, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 6,919,156 times
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Yeah, your mother is jealous ... and likely has other psychological issues. You aren't going to change her, so like Pitt Chick, I suggest you get counseling to help you deal with the anger and ambivalence you likely feel towards her because of her behavior ... and especially so that you don't unconsciously do the same to your own daughter(s) some day.
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Old 02-05-2016, 07:41 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,096,745 times
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I advise you to let it go. Sometimes parents do awful things. Obviously your self esteem is pretty good, since you think you are good looking enough to inspire jealousy. Holding onto the pain is not hurting your mother...just you.
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Old 02-05-2016, 07:49 AM
 
41 posts, read 19,724 times
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You need to let it go. Your mother is obviously insecure and that is why she acted that way. You get one mother so forgive and forget and move on because she will not always be around.
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Old 02-05-2016, 09:04 AM
 
668 posts, read 342,489 times
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Your mother sounds like she definitely has some toxic traits, and that you can't get too close to her or expect too much from her. The underlying goal of her insults is that she wants to undermine and weaken your self esteem and happiness in life possibly because she's not happy so no one else gets to be. It sounds like she childishly can't handle others have good things, and she hasn't outgrown jealousy. It's sad that she can't even be happy for her own child's good fortunes. Most parents want their kids to have the best in life. She sounds like an emotionally immature person who has little self awarenes or depth and may not even be conscious of her immature patterns. Her appearance and ability to attract was a huge part of her identity, and you can see how easily threatened she felt by you. At the core, she feared losing that sense of perceived power by allowing you to be the one to shine. Her ego didn't want to give up its power. My beauty obsessed former mother in law is a narcissist and she is not capable of having an authentic, loving relationship with her kids. She purposefully kept her daughters in frumpy clothes and no makeup in their teen years. They've had to just accept her for who she is and come terms with her stunted emotional limitations. It sounds like your mom has some narcissistic traits as well.
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Old 02-05-2016, 09:27 AM
 
964 posts, read 640,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda_d View Post
Yeah, your mother is jealous ... and likely has other psychological issues. You aren't going to change her, so like Pitt Chick, I suggest you get counseling to help you deal with the anger and ambivalence you likely feel towards her because of her behavior ... and especially so that you don't unconsciously do the same to your own daughter(s) some day.
This. It's sad when parents behave like kids. Your mom sounds narcissistic, among other things, OP. And it's more common than you think for there to be some kind of jealousy or other issues between a mom and daughter. I know of one case where the mom had never done well in school, and dropped out of college. She was jealous of her daughter's academic achievements, and got in the way of her going to grad school, even though the parents could well afford it. I've known of cases where parents took their kids' money, from their college accounts, or from inheritances from grandparents. All kinds of crazy stuff happens.

Your only option at this point is to get help resolving your feelings, and figuring out how to relate to your mom, or whether you want to continue relating to her at all.
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Old 02-05-2016, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,744,086 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
You are 30 now... get over it. Either on your own or with therapy.
Really... rehashing things from over half you life ago is not healthy.
^^^
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Old 02-05-2016, 09:44 AM
 
668 posts, read 342,489 times
Reputation: 1474
OP, if you think your mother could be a narcissist, then you should go to the website 'Daughters of Narcissists.' I've checked that site out a few times to try to get a better sense of how my ex-mother in law affected her own kids. Being the child of a narcissist can have some pretty damaging effects.
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