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Old 02-07-2016, 11:11 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 9,628,957 times
Reputation: 11673

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WildColonialGirl View Post
If you share custody with your mother, and she's moving to Florida in May, then why are you asking this question?
He obviously meant his daughter's mother.
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Old 02-07-2016, 11:12 AM
 
493 posts, read 366,054 times
Reputation: 497
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49 View Post
Only if the OP allowed this to happen...which would be a cop out...but he doesn't sound like that kind of father...he has stepped up since he was 19...many young men his age don't...it is all about making the effort to build a relationship with his daughter and it can be done from 1000 miles away...just with greater difficulty...To another point...yes by all means the OP should have the $17.50 job 100% lined up before making the move!!!
I dont understand my friend spent every holiday and summer with her dad and he always came up to nyc. I don't think a parent moving should be an excuse for not seeing your kid.

If you are just looking for cheaper look into southern va or eastern shore. But it sounds like right now you might need the family support to get on your feet. Your daughter needs more than a father who is half near homeless. Get yourself together and move back or close by if you can in the future. Maybe take sometime and get some skills.
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Old 02-07-2016, 01:06 PM
 
2,688 posts, read 3,893,144 times
Reputation: 6266
I wouldn't leave my child for anything but it sounds like you haven't got a lot of choices.

Hope if you do leave that you make the most of your time by getting an education, better paying job, etc. so that one day you can be a good father.
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Old 02-07-2016, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
3,415 posts, read 1,971,871 times
Reputation: 10087
PLEASE don't take what I'm about to say as judgmental, because it is not meant that way. Everybody is different. However, I divorced my Ex when my son was 3 1/2, so I can relate to your situation. Raising a child is about MOMENTS. The school plays, helping with homework, Halloween, watching them play and explore. If you move, you will miss ALL of that and you can never get it back. As she gets a bit older, do you really think that she will want to be ripped away from all her friends for the summer just to visit with you? You are 25 and apparently not disabled. Get a SECOND job. Find a roommate, be an apartment manager for free rent. Whatever it takes, there is always a way. Your child is the most important thing you will ever "do" and you must think of it that way. You may have to sacrifice some of your own happiness for the sake of your child, but that's part of it too. It isn't forever, she'll be 18 before you blink and then you can do whatever. Just remember, anyone can become a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad. Good Luck.
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Old 02-07-2016, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,198 posts, read 7,496,371 times
Reputation: 17161
Quote:
Originally Posted by PanthersPanthers View Post
I agree. A more likely scenario is he moves away, and his relationship with his kid slowly disintegrates. 5 years down the road the mom is remarried and someone else is raising his kid, Dad sees his kid once every 2-3 years, or less.
Plenty of parents live in different states than their kids and the relationships just don't disintegrate.

To the OP, what part of Florida?

Some parts of Florida are very expensive and there isn't a bunch of well paying jobs unless you have a specific skill or education.

I would move to Florida, sign up for school (start with community college while you are establishing residency), and get a full time job.

Get an education and better yourself for your daughter.
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Old 02-07-2016, 02:20 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,673,742 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thunderkat59 View Post
You are not going to get real work in Florida. Not going to happen. You might find a nice place to sleep at night in your grandmothers, but the "back on feet" part will never happen. 10.50 an hour is a good wage in Florida. If you need more than that, it isn't going to happen. Go to court and get your stipend lowered or suspended for a while. My Brother was in a sim.50 ilar situation and it has ruined his life. Not going to put anymore than that in a public forum, but running--especially to Florida, is not going to help things. Will just let it snowball into a worse situation. Sorry. Not what you might want to hear. But Ive watched this exact scenario ruin a loved ones life.
This is very true and needs to be weighed out by the OP. The OP doesn't seem to have a skill set, he seems to be counting on this $17.50 an hour job, but is there a written offer? I doubt it.

Even professional jobs such as teachers and nurses, FL has among the lowest salaries in the nation.

The OP is going to be hard pressed to find anything other than in the $10 range.

I lived in FL for awhile, I never saw so many people working two jobs. Because they can't get by on one, an office manager making $9 an hour who waits tables 4 nights a week.

As you said FL is mostly a service based economy with jobs catering to tourists and retired people.

Many run to FL somehow thinking the warmer weather and this lure of a lower COL is going to solve everything and find things aren't what they were supposed to be and are worst off.
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Old 02-07-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,138 posts, read 3,952,300 times
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Is it at all possible that your daughter's mother might also move to Florida? You have a very tough decision to make. On the one hand you need a better life for yourself than you have now, on the other hand you will lose time with your daughter.


My son was the same age as you when his daughter was born. After the break-up with her mother she wouldn't let him see his child. He lost 18 months of her life from the time she was 3 1/2 to almost 5 years old. When the court ordered the visitations and eventual joint custody my granddaughter barely remembered my son and it took about 2 months for her not to be afraid of him and me. Just make sure your custody arrangement allows you to move out of state and the ex is agreeable to the situation. Get it in writing.
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Old 02-07-2016, 04:27 PM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,831,249 times
Reputation: 33994
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
This is very true and needs to be weighed out by the OP. The OP doesn't seem to have a skill set, he seems to be counting on this $17.50 an hour job, but is there a written offer? I doubt it.

Even professional jobs such as teachers and nurses, FL has among the lowest salaries in the nation.

The OP is going to be hard pressed to find anything other than in the $10 range.

I lived in FL for awhile, I never saw so many people working two jobs. Because they can't get by on one, an office manager making $9 an hour who waits tables 4 nights a week.

As you said FL is mostly a service based economy with jobs catering to tourists and retired people.

Many run to FL somehow thinking the warmer weather and this lure of a lower COL is going to solve everything and find things aren't what they were supposed to be and are worst off.
The OP has already stated he has a job waiting for him, paying $17.50/hour. Are you insinuating he is lying? I would understand if he was under the impression that his skill set could bring that much, but that isn't what he said. I have also lived in FL, fairly recently. My son made more than $10.50/hour as a life guard, while in high school. So, jobs paying more than $10.00 do exist.

People who have to work multiple jobs there are, for the most part, self- supporting. The OP has much better prospects. In fact, it looks as though the only prospects he has involve making the move.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:15 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,673,742 times
Reputation: 33232
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
The OP has already stated he has a job waiting for him, paying $17.50/hour. Are you insinuating he is lying? I would understand if he was under the impression that his skill set could bring that much, but that isn't what he said. I have also lived in FL, fairly recently. My son made more than $10.50/hour as a life guard, while in high school. So, jobs paying more than $10.00 do exist.

People who have to work multiple jobs there are, for the most part, self- supporting. The OP has much better prospects. In fact, it looks as though the only prospects he has involve making the move.
I didn't say he was lying, did I? I asked does he have a written offer with the salary mentioned.

Many times(especially among younger people) you see on the Work and Employment forum people giving notice at their current job only to find the new job fell through. Many today don't seem to know getting it in writing with a start date and the salary listed are vital.

Or is someone just telling him come on down, I have a job for you? That's not very secure.

It is a valid question. Is someone just telling him there is a job waiting for him, he gets down there and finds he SOL.

FL is known for low salaries. As I already said professional jobs such as nurses and teachers are among the lowest paid in the nation.

Before the OP makes the move he needs to weigh things out.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:49 PM
 
13,022 posts, read 12,480,451 times
Reputation: 37314
I was a daddy's girl (I'm 40 now, he's 85 - we are still close) - I cannot imagine being separated from my daddy when I was that age. But your reasons are good, and I can tell you are distressed. But look at it this way - there are kids with parents in the military who are in far worse situations. Nobody tells the parents they shouldn't get deployed.

I would develop a (flexible) plan if you go. My thoughts are this - you work 2 jobs, not just the $17/hr one. You pull side jobs, whatever you can and sock away the money. You plan to go to school for a vo-tech career or a degree in a strong field - not "business administration" or "history." Take the summers off from school so you can spend time with your kid. The idea is to make yourself marketable so that you can move back to Maryland or a closer state.

In the meantime, you make a plan with her mom to communicate regularly via skype and phone and send frequent cards and tiny gifts. During the skype calls, have a plan to "do" something - like read her a book, color together, or something like that.

Little kids love it when their daddys (or any adult) make them things. My cousin has had a drawing her father did for HER now hanging in her daughter's room. I decoupaged a picture frame and matching wooden box for my little cousin who was like 11 or something, and she was in raptures over it, which I did not expect. So send her drawings or woodworking projects that you've done for her. She will appreciate those more than any toy when she is older.

But if you do go, make sure it's part of the plan to find your way back to her. That's important. Florida is no place for a permanent life - it just doesn't have enough opportunity. Take this time to get an education and expand your skill set, stay in close touch with your daughter, save some money up and then get yourself back to Maryland.
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