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Old 02-10-2016, 07:03 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Let's look at what HFB has REALLY said, rather than jumping to crazy scenarios in our minds:





Maybe it's because I come from a family of extroverts and talkers, and because I am one myself. Maybe it's because my parents ENCOURAGED my brothers and me to interact with different groups of people - strangers - in various settings, rather than discouraged us. Maybe it's because in my family (my parents, my cousins, and then when I was raising my own kids, and now that they're raising theirs) we have always encouraged curiosity, conversation skills with people of any age, jumping in and meeting people with confidence, joining groups, expressing ourselves and our opinions freely and openly, etc - but honestly, while I envision the OP's child as a bit awkward and like, as she said, a "bull in a china shop," I just don't see him as a particularly strange or annoying child. I see him as quirky, intelligent, engaging, funny, cute, and occasionally annoying - but what 10 year old ISN'T occasionally annoying?

I have four kids and three are extroverts and one is very shy and quiet. One of my extroverts also has dyslexia, ADD, and an IQ of 140. I admit freely - he was by far the most challenging of my kids to raise (he also had a hearing problem and had to take speech lessons for about six years - but would talk a blue streak to anyone who would listen from age `8 months on - he could truly be exhausting!). Lest you think he sounds like a nerd or a real weirdo - he is also extremely good looking, athletic, loving, friendly, loyal, and very charming. Also - tiring, exasperating, and frustrating. Due probably to his myriad of issues, he was a late bloomer and emotionally immature. He is now 28 and has FINALLY discovered welding classes and realized that he loves that sort of thing - which makes him feel more confident because till now he could only struggle with a feeling of inferiority because he knew he wasn't "college material." He was in the Army for six years and was infantry, and now due to several wartime deployments he also struggles with PTSD - which isn't surprising, because he's just an extremely emotional, imaginative person and always will be. So it's great news to all of us that he can use his military educational benefits for something like welding. He's super excited. OF course, he's always super excited - LOL.

He's an exhausting sort of person but he's also so full of love, adventure, joy, and enthusiasm for life that he can be a lot of fun to be around. He's married, and thankfully they dated for four years so she did know what she was signing up for - but I do worry about whether or not she can put up with him for the long haul.

But then again - MANY people have issues and behaviors that wear other people out. I'm not saying it's OK, I'm just saying that it's not off the charts weird.

My other two extroverts didn't have to struggle with learning disabilities or hearing issues, and though they both never met a stranger, and would frankly probably feel just as comfortable doing much of what the OP's son does when they were 10, they've both turned out to be terrific adults. An aside note - they were also both very popular in school and adults always liked them as well. One difference though is that they aren't and have never been particularly loud or emotionally immature. They have always just been well rounded, extroverted - VERY extroverted in fact - people.

My other "high maintenance" kid was my one very shy, quiet child. She was also socially awkward, and I really felt sorry for her growing up in such a loud, boisterous family. She is also very imaginative, very artistic, very sensitive - much like her two brothers (her sister is the uber rational, objective, cut and dried, blunt one of the bunch). She would have probably rather have cut her wrists than go talk to a stranger, especially an adult. She would have NEVER sat down with another family at a parade (I can totally see my other kids doing that). But honestly - her introverted, shy personality was just as much of a challenge to deal with - for us and for her - as an extreme extrovert's personality is.

I am very proud of her because now, at age 30, after working successfully for several years and also being a very good wife and now mother - she seems to have a lot more self confidence, and she is also more assertive. But she will be the first to tell you that these are learned behaviors - she wasn't born with them and they don't come naturally to her at all. And if she gets upset, she reverts right back to being very withdrawn, quiet, and uncommunicative. That's as much a challenge as someone with a loud, rambunctious way about them.

All that aside - every single one of my kids turned into happy, productive, balanced adults who are now productive members of society, and have good self esteem and confidence. It wasn't an easy road for a couple of them, but they got there. I say all that to let High Flying Bird know that - BECAUSE SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE SO ATTENTIVE TO THEIR SON'S UNIQUE NEEDS AND PERSONALITY - he is probably going to be JUST FINE.

And by the way, HFB - everyone can be annoying sometimes. Annoying people is something that even the most normal, typical kids can do - and usually DO do occasionally. The more extreme the personality, the more likely they will annoy someone. Unless of course, they are like my introverted daughter - who probably never annoyed a teacher or adult in her entire childhood - but who was so meek, so shy, so unsure of herself that believe me, her personality was just as much of a detriment in some ways as your son's is. The point is, we had to meet her where she was, and work at helping shore up her weak areas and focus on her strong ones.

Any child with a personality that falls on either end of the spectrum is going to have a set of challenges that seem more extreme than more "average" kids - because they ARE more extreme. But I personally believe that every child can flourish with the right attention and lots of love - and it certainly seems as if your son landed with the right set of parents and in the right family, High Flying Bird. You sound like you're doing a terrific job. Keep up the good work and just know - for every adult your son "disturbs" there is probably one out there thinking he's great. Sure it would be wonderful if he never bothered anyone ever, but what a boring world this would be if we didn't have some of those extreme personalities in our midst.
Thanks you are totally getting it. I think people "got it" for a while and then the thread turned and lots of assumptions (incorrect) are being made. Then I feel defensive. I also encourage my kids to try things on their own, meet new people, face fears, be bold. I started sending them to sleep over summer camp when they were 7 and 8, which is young. But they loved it and got so much out of it.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,046 posts, read 32,742,081 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Thanks you are totally getting it. I think people "got it" for a while and then the thread turned and lots of assumptions (incorrect) are being made. Then I feel defensive. I also encourage my kids to try things on their own, meet new people, face fears, be bold. I started sending them to sleep over summer camp when they were 7 and 8, which is young. But they loved it and got so much out of it.
On these forums, people tend to take snippets of conversations and situations and make a mountain out of a molehill. Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of some of that weirdness and "over analyzing" and it's irritating. But I've also learned a lot over the years from other peoples' perspectives - yours included - and I appreciate those insights. So...don't take it too personally when some random strangers you will never meet in real life go into overdrive on you. I've read enough of your posts to know that you are a mature, well balanced, intelligent and caring person. You're going to do just fine with your kids.

That's your real life. This is internet life. BIG DIFFERENCE - but you already know that!
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,102 posts, read 3,070,689 times
Reputation: 8632
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
You don't have to make excuses for allowing a ten year old, independent child to ride a few rides by himself, HFB, Honestly - I don't get this whole Helicopter Parent mentality. I personally can't stand roller coasters and I let my kids ride them without me at that age - I'd just wait at the exit for them. No telling WHO they struck up conversations with in the long lines! LOL


Sheeze, I've read a lot of strange comments from parents on this forum, and seen a lot of weird behavior in real life as well over the years. You and your family sound like a healthy, happy family and you sound like a great parent. Your son is challenging - well, guess what - MOST kids have a set of challenges that parents have to deal with, and when you throw in a high IQ, and a high energy level, and introverted (and probably alarmed!) parents, you have a few more challenges - but you're doing all the right things to address those challenges from what I can tell.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
We live in Florida and are at Disney frequently. I would let my kids go on a ride when they were younger (they went on Star Tours without me because ick, I hate that ride), but I waited in line with them. No way would I let a socially delayed 10-year-old bother everyone in line for 30 minutes to an hour or more. I'm not worried that they'd be abducted or anything; I just don't like kids bothering me and I would not allow them to bother others. Every parent is different, I guess. And nothing terrible will happen to the child if he annoys someone and they tell him to leave them alone. I just try not to impose on other people if possible, and that includes keeping an eye on my talkative/immature kid when we're in a place where other people are on vacation and not necessarily wanting to be bothered.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:49 AM
 
15,200 posts, read 16,061,842 times
Reputation: 25126
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Actually the comment i get most of the time when I go to retrieve him is how well mannered and behaved he is. I hear it all the time about him (in other situations as well). This trip a grandmother came up to me in the hall way just to tell me she had breakfast with my son and I was embarrassed and she started going on about how well mannered he is and she wishes her grandkids were like that. So I don't think its really the case here...even though I see TONS of room for improvement with his manners...he at least has them for strangers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I find it sad and strange you would react that way to kids. My son would just walk away from you thinking you were weird.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I think people are making some assumptions and its starting to take a life of its own. I am not talking about a restaurant. I am talking about a club level lounge in a children's oriented theme park hotel. The lounge isn't set up distinctly like a restaurant is. I would NEVER let my child go hang out at someone's table in a formal sit down place (or even McDonalds for that matter). This wasn't like a restaurant. It served a light breakfast and snacks through out the day. He would go to tables/seating areas with kids at them that were usually facing the tv with cartoons playing. A couple times he joined a group that had boys his age to try to strike up a conversation about the days activities. When I would go up (I did several times), the parents or grandparents would tell me all was right in the world. Hey I am happy to remove my child, but I am not a mind reader. And if you are fine with it, I am fine with it.

He is mostly *really* loud when we are out enjoying new experiences. Like watching the fireworks, seeing animals, getting ready to go on a ride. In those situations he will often turn to the person close to him to share his excitement. Sometimes its an adult, sometimes a kid. A lot of people don't engage much. Occasionally someone will strike up a conversation back. Sometimes people will look at me and smile, sometimes compliment him. It doesn't seem to bother him no matter what they do. I have yet to get an actual complaint. But it does wear on *me* through a week and a half of exciting adventures. I won't lie. But then I am around it 24/7 on vacation.

Its assumed he has bad manners. No, he does''t. He asks if he can sit down. He has good table manners. He often compliments people, offers to go get them something, coos at babies. He does tend to dominate the conversation with things he knows. This is something we are working on. He also talks loudly. It isn't shouting. This is also something we are actively working on. I am sure it bugs me (as I am always around it) more then most people. Remember he is 10, not 20. He has rough edges that we are smoothing out.


I got some "he is fine" replies here. And a few "meh, I wouldn't like it". But I am now having to defend myself and my child because the story is taking a life of its own and not staying factual. That is what I am defensive about, not the answers people give based on what I am actually explaining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
He is also 1st percentile in height. People think he is 7 usually. And with his language skills, a genius 7. LOL.

And I agree, some people might be annoyed with it. But if they aren't honest, I can't read minds. And I am not going to teach my kid people don't like him. That would mess with his self esteem. I know some people do find him delightful as well. I don't ask "is it ok he is here" or "is he bothering you". I start out with "I am so sorry my kid just came and joined your family. Son, come on". To which they could easily say "Bye kid, nice to meet you" but nearly always say "oh no he is fine, we enjoy talking to him". What do I do then?
You asked if people would be annoyed by your child precisely because you can't read minds. As it turns out, some people find the thought of a happy, chatty 10-year-old stranger approaching them in public to be annoying. Others don't. You've gotten answers to the question you posed. What you do with that information is up to you, but there's no need to berate posters who were honest and said they would be annoyed by your son.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:54 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We live in Florida and are at Disney frequently. I would let my kids go on a ride when they were younger (they went on Star Tours without me because ick, I hate that ride), but I waited in line with them. No way would I let a socially delayed 10-year-old bother everyone in line for 30 minutes to an hour or more. I'm not worried that they'd be abducted or anything; I just don't like kids bothering me and I would not allow them to bother others. Every parent is different, I guess. And nothing terrible will happen to the child if he annoys someone and they tell him to leave them alone. I just try not to impose on other people if possible, and that includes keeping an eye on my talkative/immature kid when we're in a place where other people are on vacation and not necessarily wanting to be bothered.
I don't know if he spoke a word to anyone while waiting in line. I doubt he talked much. He is 10, not 2. If he is bothering you, you can tell him. I think people have hyped up what I mean when I talk about him. He isn't autistic. He is a little socially awkward...mostly with reading cues. And he enjoys talking to people, and often it appears people enjoy talking to him. I know he will leave someone alone if they ask him to. If I was worried, I wouldn't have let him wait alone in line. There are things I won't let him do because I don't trust him to make the right decisions. But standing in line isn't one of them. Plus the ride lines in question were 20 minutes or less (because I am a Disney master LOL).
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:57 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
You asked if people would be annoyed by your child precisely because you can't read minds. As it turns out, some people find the thought of a happy, chatty 10-year-old stranger approaching them in public to be annoying. Others don't. You've gotten answers to the question you posed. What you do with that information is up to you, but there's no need to berate posters who were honest and said they would be annoyed by your son.
I am not berating anyone, I am trying to keep the post factual and on topic. But I give up. Where is the emoji for waving the white flag of surrender? By all means, change the facts, inflate my words to suit an argument, and assume until the cows come home. I did get my answers, and it was helpful...until the post got its "attack" legs.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:04 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,694,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
even though I see TONS of room for improvement with his manners...he at least has them for strangers.

I keep hearing all this about being embarrassed, but if you truly were, you would teach your son these manners you speak of. To show him he needs to give people their personal space. My grandchild is 4 and has issues, but he IS teachable.


You just standing there smiling is not being embarrassed. It's you being an indulgent parent, hoping nobody will be rude to your snowflake.


I sure hope you don't wait to set some boundaries before somebody yells at him to get out of their face. You could save him from some hurt feelings.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:05 AM
 
15,200 posts, read 16,061,842 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I am not berating anyone, I am trying to keep the post factual and on topic. But I give up. Where is the emoji for waving the white flag of surrender? By all means, change the facts, inflate my words to suit an argument, and assume until the cows come home. I did get my answers, and it was helpful...until the post got its "attack" legs.
Calling someone sad and strange is berating them.

The people who say your son would annoy them are also posting on topic. But they're saying things you don't want to hear.

If you ask for peoples' opinions, don't be alarmed when you get them.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,102 posts, read 3,070,689 times
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Quote:
Plus the ride lines in question were 20 minutes or less (because I am a Disney master LOL).
We also never wait in line more than 30 minutes, lol. I assume many others don't have the same Disney-foo that we do because people complain about the lines all the time and I'm always thinking, "this person has not cracked the code."

/off topic
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:18 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,694,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
And I agree, some people might be annoyed with it. But if they aren't honest, I can't read minds. And I am not going to teach my kid people don't like him. That would mess with his self esteem. I know some people do find him delightful as well. I don't ask "is it ok he is here" or "is he bothering you". I start out with "I am so sorry my kid just came and joined your family. Son, come on". To which they could easily say "Bye kid, nice to meet you" but nearly always say "oh no he is fine, we enjoy talking to him". What do I do then?

You don't let your kid go up to people's tables in the first place. What is wrong with you?


It doesn't matter how expensive your club-level Disney vacation was (and by the way, that's how we roll, and we don't let our grands go up to strangers no matter how much we paid for their good time, because it's just plain rude).


But hey, based on the bolded, it's obvious you don't really want advice, you just want to make sure everyone knows your kid is special and deserves to be treated as such, and it's on THEM if they are rude to your kid, and not the other way around.


Good luck with the self-esteem issue with that attitude.
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