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Old 02-10-2016, 08:20 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,690,603 times
Reputation: 40996

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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Right now he has a paper past due on a famous historical figure. He read a book, watched some videos, did online research. he can tell you almost everything you want to know. But getting him to sit down and take the time to write it out is killing me. He is now forced to go in before school and stay after until he gets it finished. At least there won't be a lot of friends there to distract him...I hope

Oh, so your hands-off parenting approach extends to not making your son do his homework on time, and leaving it up to the teachers to get him to do it.


Got it.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:22 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Calling someone sad and strange is berating them.

The people who say your son would annoy them are also posting on topic. But they're saying things you don't want to hear.

If you ask for peoples' opinions, don't be alarmed when you get them.
Ok, ok, I said it was sad that they acted that strongly towards children. And I thought it was strange...I have never encountered it. I did not call THEM sad or strange. If my child encountered that they would think it was weird and walk away. See the twisting?
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:24 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Oh, so your hands-off parenting approach extends to not making your son do his homework on time, and leaving it up to the teachers to get him to do it.


Got it.
Personal attack much? It was an in class assignment and since he hasn't finished it in class, he is not given any more class time to finish it so his teacher is having me bring him early and wait late for him for him to finish it in non class time. I have offered for him to bring it home if she wants him to
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:29 AM
 
15,200 posts, read 16,058,326 times
Reputation: 25121
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Ok, ok, I said it was sad that they acted that strongly towards children. And I thought it was strange...I have never encountered it. I did not call THEM sad or strange. If my child encountered that they would think it was weird and walk away. See the twisting?
It's not twisting.

You: Would it bother you if my loud, happy, friendly 10-year-old approached you in public and started to talk to you and your family?

Some Poster(s): Yes, and I would ask him to return to his own family.

You: That's sad and strange. My son would think you're weird.

It's clear that you only wanted affirmation that no stranger is ever bothered by your son approaching them in public. When people disagree with you, you label them sad, strange and weird.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:33 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,611 posts, read 42,768,368 times
Reputation: 57311
I had an outgoing son also. He had ADD (not the hyperactive component) too. I was always a bit torn between not wanting him to lose his friendliness, and the stranger-danger thing.
I just talked to him about it as situations came up. An child needs to be reminded to not interrupt, and to wait his turn to talk, etc.
Obviously, your son needs to know the difference between being kind and polite to an old lady on a park bench, and being kind and polite to a man who wants to invite him into his van.
FYI, my son still has a great personality and has always been a people magnet. If your son can channel his outgoing nature, he'll probably go far.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:35 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
It's not twisting.

You: Would it bother you if my loud, happy, friendly 10-year-old approached you in public and started to talk to you and your family?

Some Poster(s): Yes, and I would ask him to return to his own family.

You: That's sad and strange. My son would think you're weird.

It's clear that you only wanted affirmation that no stranger is ever bothered by your son approaching them in public. When people disagree with you, you label them sad, strange and weird.
I didn't. I thought the tone was a little over the top and I have not encountered that except with a few rare seniors who couldn't tolerate children. I do think its sad to have that response to other humans who are being friendly. And I think its strange too. But it wasn't a personal attack like I am getting for my parenting skills. Its the only thing you can attack me on, so I will give it to you. Knock yourself out with it. You win. Im a terrible person and only want validation.

ETA if someone spoke to my son like that, I would not be mad. I would just tell my son not to bother that person, that they don't want to socialize with him. I don't have "special snowflake syndrome". Many times I have had that conversation with I'm about a variety of people not wanting to play with him or talk to him. It doesn't even hurt his feelings anymore. Maybe with peers (I would imagine). But sometimes hurt feelings happens. Its part of life. Just like some people don't want to talk to you.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:40 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I had an outgoing son also. He had ADD (not the hyperactive component) too. I was always a bit torn between not wanting him to lose his friendliness, and the stranger-danger thing.
I just talked to him about it as situations came up. An child needs to be reminded to not interrupt, and to wait his turn to talk, etc.
Obviously, your son needs to know the difference between being kind and polite to an old lady on a park bench, and being kind and polite to a man who wants to invite him into his van.
FYI, my son still has a great personality and has always been a people magnet. If your son can channel his outgoing nature, he'll probably go far.
It is a constant conversation, for sure. I've had to really step back. In 10 years of demanding independence, he hasn't gotten himself into any bad situations yet. I have to trust him some. Its hard, though. Constant reminding about good manners and bad. We had to go over and over why he had to wear a t-shirt on the way out to the pool at the hotel this time. Make sure to pay attention to who was waiting for the elevator first and let them go. Take only one plate of food, you can go back for seconds. Stay where I can see you. Don't snort at your sister. Oh the fun. But he does have a good personality. Its a fine balance of nurturing it and tempering it. I hope it turns out well for us too. It isn't easy.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Turlock, CA
322 posts, read 214,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I didn't. I thought the tone was a little over the top and I have not encountered that except with a few rare seniors who couldn't tolerate children. I do think its sad to have that response to other humans who are being friendly. And I think its strange too. But it wasn't a personal attack like I am getting for my parenting skills. Its the only thing you can attack me on, so I will give it to you. Knock yourself out with it. You win. Im a terrible person and only want validation.

ETA if someone spoke to my son like that, I would not be mad. I would just tell my son not to bother that person, that they don't want to socialize with him. I don't have "special snowflake syndrome". Many times I have had that conversation with I'm about a variety of people not wanting to play with him or talk to him. It doesn't even hurt his feelings anymore. Maybe with peers (I would imagine). But sometimes hurt feelings happens. Its part of life. Just like some people don't want to talk to you.

I don't see how it's sad, strange, or weird to not want someone else (regardless of if they're 4, 10 or 40) intruding on my family time. Granted, with a 10 year old I give a bit more leeway, but ultimately I'm being pleasant enough to bide time until the parent comes over and brings them back to their table.

If they sit down, then I have to be the parent and escort them back, which annoys me far more than the behavior of the child, because now it's the behavior of the parent that's causing the issue.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:47 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darrett View Post
I don't see how it's sad, strange, or weird to not want someone else (regardless of if they're 4, 10 or 40) intruding on my family time. Granted, with a 10 year old I give a bit more leeway, but ultimately I'm being pleasant enough to bide time until the parent comes over and brings them back to their table.

If they sit down, then I have to be the parent and escort them back, which annoys me far more than the behavior of the child, because now it's the behavior of the parent that's causing the issue.
It wasn't all people who feel that way, it was a reply to a very strongly worded and toned post. I have no issue with people not wanting him to hang out with them, or them not wanting to have a conversation with him. It was a reply to a specifically strong worded reply.

Also every time I attempted to escort him back to the area we were sitting in, the parents or grandparents would tell me he was welcome. What do I do then? I did stop trying. He was old enough to go down on his own. I let him go down, but had him bring his plate back to the room if I wasn't going to be down there. A couple times he stayed and watched cartoons with other kids though
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:58 AM
 
151 posts, read 103,944 times
Reputation: 398
It really depends on the situation. If I'm having a nice dinner and your son comes up to chat, I might be a bit annoyed because I don't like being bothered by anyone while I eat. If I'm outside enjoying my day? Not so much. Honestly he just sounds like a typical little boy to me.
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