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Old 02-10-2016, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,529 posts, read 16,055,425 times
Reputation: 39022

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HFB, you received a lot of input about situations at DW (obviously because that was the focus of your question). But, I am guessing that it will be a long time before you return to DW or go on similar vacations. Perhaps, it would be better for you to help your son by focusing more on his day to day interactions with people, especially peers.


After all, he is already and will continue to be interacting with classmates and peers multiple times each day in unstructured situations (recess, lunch room, choosing partners & groups for projects) each and every day. Plus, doing activities with peers in clubs or social activities after school & on weekends. You briefly mentioned that he does not seem to have problems at school & that he has been progressing in respecting personal space and other issues. I am really glad that you have started him in therapy to learn how to better read and understand social cues.


IMHO, improving the way that he interacts with his peers on a day to day basis will be far more important to him in the long run than if he annoys or does not annoy random adult strangers during breakfast at a hotel, firework displays, or while on vacation.
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Old 02-10-2016, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,288 posts, read 32,977,860 times
Reputation: 57561
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
HFB, you received a lot of input about situations at DW (obviously because that was the focus of your question). But, I am guessing that it will be a long time before you return to DW or go on similar vacations. Perhaps, it would be better for you to help your son by focusing more on his day to day interactions with people, especially peers.


After all, he is already and will continue to be interacting with classmates and peers multiple times each day in unstructured situations (recess, lunch room, choosing partners & groups for projects) each and every day. Plus, doing activities with peers in clubs or social activities after school & on weekends. You briefly mentioned that he does not seem to have problems at school & that he has been progressing in respecting personal space and other issues. I am really glad that you have started him in therapy to learn how to better read and understand social cues.


IMHO, improving the way that he interacts with his peers on a day to day basis will be far more important to him in the long run than if he annoys or does not annoy random adult strangers during breakfast at a hotel, firework displays, or while on vacation.
Amen and amen.

Sounds like you have a plan for this, HFB, and so you're already ahead of many parents with energetic, awkward, extroverted little people who are bouncing about!
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Old 02-10-2016, 05:56 PM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,860,837 times
Reputation: 31077
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
The "plain truth" is that the OP is an introvert who is a bit unsettled by her extroverted child. The behavior she describes sounds a bit on the loud end of the spectrum of normal childish behaviors, but her son does not sound rude or weird to me at all.
That may be part of it but not all of it. There are enough people here who say yes, they'd be annoyed to assume that a percentage of the population is going to be annoyed by this behavior. I wouldn't so much be annoyed by a kid coming over to say hello, as I would be that an adult didn't follow soon after and steer him back toward their table/group. The OP is leaving it up to "me," a stranger, to appear "rude" or "sad" by telling the kid he's not welcome. I'm too polite to do that. It is her job as the parent to intervene and correct behavior.

Last edited by Kibbiekat; 02-10-2016 at 06:18 PM..
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,288 posts, read 32,977,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
That may be part of it but not all of it. There are enough people here who say yes, they'd be annoyed to assume that a percentage of the population is going to be annoyed by this behavior.
From my post #152:
Quote:
I do agree that since there's apparently a WIDE range of tolerance levels (or lack thereof), for the sake of your child first and foremost, err on the side of caution and just continue to model and teach him about healthy boundaries and social cues.
As you see, I have already encouraged the OP to continue to teach her child about healthy boundaries and social cues.

That being said, I like a kid who feels free to express himself as long as he's courteous about it. After all, you certainly can't please everyone in this world. Even if I never stepped outside my door, all I'd have to do is read the posts in this forum to understand that!
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:21 PM
 
Location: The Heart of Dixie
1,359 posts, read 972,888 times
Reputation: 3420
Yes, this would annoy me. I won't be mean to children, but I don't really like them and would prefer limiting any contact with them.

Obviously if I ever went to Disney (which I wouldn't, but let's just assume for the sake of argument), I would expect to have children milling about, but even then, a random child coming up to my table and asking to sit down would make me wonder where his parents were.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:28 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,136 posts, read 21,207,877 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
My son (10 years old) is very outgoing but doesn't read social cues well. He has started therapy that might help. The therapist assures me this is very normal for boys like him (no, he doesn't have asbergers, we had him tested. He has AHDH and GAD).

We just got back from a long family vacation. I got lots of comments on how cute he is, as he would loudly talk about what ever was making him excited at the time, which is a lot of new fun things when you are on vacation. But boy is he loud when he is excited, something we are always reminding him about. But in general people seemed delighted by his exuberant nature.

Those things...well if he is excited and I am asking him to keep his voice down, if that bothers you...not too worried about it. But what does worry me is that he walks up to strangers and just starts talking to them. Most people talk back, often people smile at me and say something nice about him. Sometimes they joke that I must be tired by the end of the day (I tell them I am tired 5 minutes after waking up). He has something to say about EVERYTHING. I find it kind of embarrassing. I can't remember the last time a little boy walked up and just struck up a conversation with me. I probably thought he was "special". He does get ignored often enough, it doesn't phase him. Sometimes he will walk away, keep talking or sometimes he will find someone else to talk to.

Then there was the "lounge". We stayed at a resort hotel that had a lounge on our floor that served snacks, desserts and beverages through out the day. The seating was casual, some tables, couches, etc. It wasn't distinct separations like a restaurant, yet people tended to sit with their group and not interact. Only one TV and it always had cartoons for kids on it. When he would go in, he would just usually join a table, usually near the TV, but sometimes other ones that looked interesting. The first few times he joined another family I would go up and tell him he needs to ask before he parks himself at someone else's table, and every time the parents would just laugh it off and say he is welcome and he was enjoyable to have. I would joke that he is always trying to leave us and join another family. He did this sometimes when we were out and about too. Just go join up with what another family was doing.

I'm a little hung up on it. Its not a safety thing, really. He isn't getting lost or going off with people. But I do find it embarrassing. I am very introverted. So are my husband and my daughter. I don't want to squash his outgoing nature. But I keep worrying that he is annoying everyone. Maybe its one of those things mom should stay out of and let him deal with reactions from other people to help him take off some of the rough edges? But then I think of the battles on here over children's behavior and I worry its something I should be on top of?

What do you think?

(please don't call my kid names. He is just a child, and a nice guy at that)
Your son sounds very intelligent and outgoing. Maybe you can learn from him. You sound a little uptight. Relax. If someone doesn't want him around, they will let him know.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,288 posts, read 32,977,860 times
Reputation: 57561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melodica View Post
Yes, this would annoy me. I won't be mean to children, but I don't really like them and would prefer limiting any contact with them.

Obviously if I ever went to Disney (which I wouldn't, but let's just assume for the sake of argument), I would expect to have children milling about, but even then, a random child coming up to my table and asking to sit down would make me wonder where his parents were.
LOL I'd actually rather stick a hot poker in my eye than go to WDW but apparently lots of people really like it.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:37 PM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,860,837 times
Reputation: 31077
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCN View Post
Your son sounds very intelligent and outgoing. Maybe you can learn from him. You sound a little uptight. Relax. If someone doesn't want him around, they will let him know.
Not always. I'd be waiting for a parent to come get him.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:50 PM
 
Location: somewhere flat
1,323 posts, read 1,121,734 times
Reputation: 3884
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCN View Post
Your son sounds very intelligent and outgoing. Maybe you can learn from him. You sound a little uptight. Relax. If someone doesn't want him around, they will let him know.
More than uptight. She sounds as though she wants reassurance that I can't deliver. Control your child. That's my message.

I don't like being put in a position where I have to tell a child to leave me alone. I wouldn't want that for my child.

We raised our children. They were taught not to approach strangers without asking permission.

I probably do not find your child as endearing as you do. No, I am not a grouch. I just don't want to be subjected to a monologue or endless questions from a strange child when I am relaxing or eating in a restaurant.

The OP is here for attention and validation. I can't deliver either one.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Mill Boulevard, yes that's right!
548 posts, read 273,076 times
Reputation: 1719
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post

Then there was the "lounge". We stayed at a resort hotel that had a lounge on our floor that served snacks, desserts and beverages through out the day. The seating was casual, some tables, couches, etc. It wasn't distinct separations like a restaurant, yet people tended to sit with their group and not interact. Only one TV and it always had cartoons for kids on it. When he would go in, he would just usually join a table, usually near the TV, but sometimes other ones that looked interesting. The first few times he joined another family I would go up and tell him he needs to ask before he parks himself at someone else's table, and every time the parents would just laugh it off and say he is welcome and he was enjoyable to have. I would joke that he is always trying to leave us and join another family. He did this sometimes when we were out and about too. Just go join up with what another family was doing.

I'm sorry, I really don't understand why your son is allowed free reign of a space like this? To just randomly roam the room and seat himself at whatever table he chooses, uninvited?

Yeah, it would most likely annoy unless he caught me on a really good day. I'm extremely introverted/have various levels of social anxiety and sometimes, just getting through the bare minimum of interactions needed to function in public (talking to the cashier/server/asking for help/whatever) drains me. I don't want to be approached by strangers like that, adult or kid.

I wouldn't be mean to your dude or anything though. Heck even if I wanted to, some of the posts here are a perfect example of why not, if one doesn't worship every little thing adorable, perfect thing a child does in public, they're painted as a kid hating monster...or in this case, I see, "mean girl".
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