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Old 02-10-2016, 07:37 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 1,974,060 times
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This thread reminds me of a kid who was in a play with my dd. After the play, dd's family was waiting to congratulate her, hug her, give flowers, take pictures, but this cast mate of hers would NOT go away! Every picture we tried to take, she was right there in the middle of it. Every family member that tried to hug or talk to dd, the kid was right in her face, jabbering away. She was obviously very excited about their performance, and very friendly and talkative, and really liked my dd, but it was EXTREMELY annoying. Like the OP's son, she didn't take hints or cues very well either. If her parents had been nearby to ask if she was bothering us, of course I wouldn't want to say "yeah, please get her out of here," in front of the kid. I might smile and grit my teeth, for the sake of being polite. But I would hope a parent who sees their kid obviously being annoying wouldn't bother to ask, and just get their child away.

I think with very extroverted kids, it's inevitable that they're going to annoy some people. My dd is an extrovert as well, and I know for a fact that some kids don't like her or find her annoying. But she can pick up on signals and steer clear of the kids who don't care for her boisterous personality. Kids who have difficulty with cues need parents to watch for them and redirect them when THEY see their child is being too pushy or intrusive. The OP does seem to at least be aware of her son's difficulties and is managing to reel him in when necessary without keeping him glued to her side at all times.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,375 posts, read 37,985,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
The "plain truth" is that the OP is an introvert who is a bit unsettled by her extroverted child.
While that is true, it's not the takeaway.

OP, I am an introvert with 2 out of 3 extrovert children. Yes, it made life hard for me, but that didn't stop me from teaching ALL my kids how to assess their circumstances and adapt their own behavior EVEN WITH their own quirks and diagnoses.

It also made me grow up a little bit more. As I'm sure you've done, I often had to do the right thing even when it made ME uncomfortable. Self-awareness has always been really important to us because I know that, figuratively speaking, my rights end where YOUR rights begin.

As you no doubt figured when you made this thread, your son's tendencies may be normal for kids "like him," but they are not typical and not universally acceptable.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,837,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
While that is true, it's not the takeaway.
Yes. You said it better than I did.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:09 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,533,541 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNomus View Post
This thread reminds me of a kid who was in a play with my dd. After the play, dd's family was waiting to congratulate her, hug her, give flowers, take pictures, but this cast mate of hers would NOT go away! Every picture we tried to take, she was right there in the middle of it. Every family member that tried to hug or talk to dd, the kid was right in her face, jabbering away. She was obviously very excited about their performance, and very friendly and talkative, and really liked my dd, but it was EXTREMELY annoying. Like the OP's son, she didn't take hints or cues very well either. If her parents had been nearby to ask if she was bothering us, of course I wouldn't want to say "yeah, please get her out of here," in front of the kid. I might smile and grit my teeth, for the sake of being polite. But I would hope a parent who sees their kid obviously being annoying wouldn't bother to ask, and just get their child away.

I think with very extroverted kids, it's inevitable that they're going to annoy some people. My dd is an extrovert as well, and I know for a fact that some kids don't like her or find her annoying. But she can pick up on signals and steer clear of the kids who don't care for her boisterous personality. Kids who have difficulty with cues need parents to watch for them and redirect them when THEY see their child is being too pushy or intrusive. The OP does seem to at least be aware of her son's difficulties and is managing to reel him in when necessary without keeping him glued to her side at all times.
Sorry, that isn't my son AT ALL. not in a mile of him
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:30 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 1,974,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Sorry, that isn't my son AT ALL. not in a mile of him
I didn't say it was, just that this thread reminded me of that situation.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,256 posts, read 32,917,163 times
Reputation: 57503
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
While that is true, it's not the takeaway.

OP, I am an introvert with 2 out of 3 extrovert children. Yes, it made life hard for me, but that didn't stop me from teaching ALL my kids how to assess their circumstances and adapt their own behavior EVEN WITH their own quirks and diagnoses.

It also made me grow up a little bit more. As I'm sure you've done, I often had to do the right thing even when it made ME uncomfortable. Self-awareness has always been really important to us because I know that, figuratively speaking, my rights end where YOUR rights begin.

As you no doubt figured when you made this thread, your son's tendencies may be normal for kids "like him," but they are not typical and not universally acceptable.

I actually agree with a lot of what you've said, and the remark that you quoted wasn't my only "takeaway" point - it was just one point of many that are part of this picture.

Yes, the OP needs to be aware of her extroverted child's behavior, and continue to teach him and guide him regarding social cues and personal boundaries. I don't think anyone is saying she shouldn't continue to do that and continue to be vigilant.

There are lots and lots of kids out there, with many different personalities. Each personality type has it's strengths and weaknesses. Introverts can have as much trouble deciphering social cues and navigating social situations as extroverts. And introverts can be just as annoying and unsettling to some people as extroverts are. Every child is a challenge and no child's personality type is "universally acceptable."

The thing is, extroverted, bouncy, loud kids DO seem to be pretty common to me, especially when in a vacation situation, like the one the OP described. Sure, they're an extreme sort of version of childhood energy, but there are plenty of them out there. And yes, they have to be corralled. They have to be taught social standards, etiquette, respect for boundaries, etc. And they CAN be taught these things - like all kids need to be taught.

But they also need to be allowed to express themselves boldly. They need to be allowed to be curious, friendly, approachable, talkative even. They need to be allowed to be outgoing and energetic when it's appropriate, and as "one of those kids," I can assure you that it's not always easy to REIN it in (not pointing to you, but I wish people would use that term correctly - it's REIN, not REIGN it in, folks! Rein it in, free rein, a tight rein, the reins of power, etc.)

Rein or reign? | OxfordWords blog

Anyway, I digress. Some kids need to actually be taught HOW to be friendly, curious, expressive,
outgoing (those traits are often very appropriate and even necessary). Sometimes being an introvert or overly shy is just as inappropriate. Of course, introverts are alarmed by extroverts - and extroverts are alarmed by introverts.

I think the OP is on top of this and just need to continue to hammer home appropriate boundaries and clear explanations to her little boy. And I also think that when he is a teen, a lot of this behavior will settle down due to some maturity, experience, and just downright teen angst.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,063,219 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
This is nothing to do with it being a child or age.... but if someone is eating in any setting or chilling out, I dont think it right for anyone to interrupt them... I was in a cafe having lunch a few months ago and had just sat down with my tray when an old neighbour and her husband came over to chat... and chat they did.. for twenty mins... I couldnt enjoy or eat my lunch with them hanging over me.. They had eaten, I hadnt and I was really hungry.... I could have choked them both.. so no I wouldnt want anyone in my space no matter how cute...
This here is a good post to help point out the kind of thing I want to say, but wasn't sure how to describe it. It's about learning what is right socially.

I have a son with autism so I do understand that some people are wired differently. When he was little he once ran to another table at mcdonalds and started eating another kids french fries. Another time at Chilis he abruptly bolted to another table because he was thirsty, out of water and someone else had a full glass. Both times people were nice, very understanding and no one was hurt. There was an advantage at the time because he was a cute little kid. I knew this. So we worked on it and continue to do so now that my son is an adult. Please don't just let your son loose on people no matter how cute he is. Don't just let him act in ways that are wrong. When they do these same things as an adult it isn't cute anymore and sometimes being socially inappropriate can result in the police being called or they can get hurt by someone that doesn't know they are different. I know a number of older kids on the spectrum that have had incidents involving the police etc. Just because its harder to learn social cues doesn't mean you really shouldn't. Believe me I know you can only do your best as we also do, but do try to teach him for his own good. If you wait until they are bigger as some friends of ours have it is way too late.
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Old 02-10-2016, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,375 posts, read 37,985,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post

Some kids need to actually be taught HOW to be friendly, curious, expressive, outgoing (those traits are often very appropriate and even necessary).
This ^^ I can agree with.
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Old 02-10-2016, 09:11 PM
 
2,813 posts, read 1,407,419 times
Reputation: 6116
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Again, my son was also a very gregarious, talkative child and it could be a real challenge, so I can understand your struggles. At age two and a half my son was routinely walking up to people in controlled environments (like to the parents of his classmates at the day care center) and introducing himself by saying, "Hi! Me John Smith. Me friendly guy" and extending his hand for them to shake hands.
Oh my goodness! That is the absolute cutest thing i have ever heard!!!

Couldn't rep you anymore, but omg, ADORABLE!!!
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Old 02-10-2016, 09:17 PM
 
Location: somewhere flat
1,322 posts, read 1,119,943 times
Reputation: 3874
Moderator cut: delete
Keep track of your child in public places. Most adults do not want to be annoyed.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-10-2016 at 10:04 PM.. Reason: deleted the personal attacks
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