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Old 02-11-2016, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,316 posts, read 17,946,933 times
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If he's the only extrovert in a family of introverts, does he get enough social interaction? Can he be enrolled in sports or group activities? He seems to have a much higher need for interaction so if he were put into group situations more often, he may not have as much need to find them on his own.

I have DH who has the same extrovert tendencies. In a small rural town, they are a benefit since everyone wants to talk with everyone else. When we visit larger cities where folks are more standoffish, it gets a bit tense feeling to me although he completely misses it. Most folks actually seem to like chatting with a total stranger, though.

Maybe you have a budding teacher or entertainer on your hands? Someone who likes to interact with large groups of people.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,055,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Don't people who get annoyed just tell the kid to go away? I don't mind other people's kids coming up and chatting to me but sometimes they stay for too long, or I'm trying to read my book or something, so I just politely but firmly tell them its time to join their own family. That's always worked well with kids younger than ten, I can't imagine it wouldn't work with a ten year old and if it didn't then I'd just less politely tell them to bugger off.

It must be because I have such an extroverted dad but all this talk of it being rude to ask to sit with other families at dinner etc. its completely difference from my experience growing up. On holidays my dad would always make friends with another family, at least one, if not more, and we'd sit with them and chat while eating. Sometimes he would make friends with a local family and we'd end up going to their house for dinner. I don't know how he managed it but it also required him to go up to a stranger and ask to sit with them and talk. How else do people make friends?
My husband is very extroverted and good at this kind of thing. The difference between him and someone with an autistic disorder is that he can read cues from other people that are just being polite, but don't welcome company. Maybe at that point he says something like "well I'll let you get back to it." Yes you have to meet total strangers in order to make new friends, but there is a right way to do it. learning social cues and how not to be self centered is essential if you don't want people to avoid you. To teach that to someone with a diagnosis like this boy is hard, but in his best interest. I think it is better to learn from parents that love him rather than strangers that may not be so kind and the lesson is damaging, hurts his feelings and he may not understand why.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:50 AM
 
11,229 posts, read 9,225,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
There was a bit in the post that I missed.
Quote:
And I am not going to teach my kid people don't like him. That would mess with his self esteem.
It is not necessary (or even correct) to say that people don't LIKE him, just that it is not polite to intrude.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:53 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,489,790 times
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Well this is my last post on this thread. Some people have come on to derail the thread and I am just not interested in playing that game. You can't argue with people who make things up to suit themselves as they go along. And I am not going to share more about my son so he or I can be attacked with wrong assumptions and word twisting.

That said, I appreciate the time many people took to read my thread and give me helpful answers. I feel much better about the entire situation. I feel very blessed to be my guy's mom...I'm a lucky person. I feel more prepared to accept him more fully for who he is, and I feel more confident in my parenting decisions then when I started this thread. Thanks to those who gave thoughtful answers (even if you shared you would be bothered by him, and gave constructive criticism).

Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 02-11-2016 at 12:23 PM..
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Old 02-11-2016, 12:14 PM
 
11,229 posts, read 9,225,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Well this is my last post on this thread. Some people have come on to derail the thread and I am just not interested in playing that game. You can't argue with people who make things up to suit themselves as they go along. And I am not going to share more about my son so he or I can be attacked with wrong assumptions and word twisting.

That said, I appreciate the time many people took to read my thread and give me helpful answers. I feel much better about the entire situation. I feel very blessed to be my guy's mom...I'm a lucky person. I feel more prepared to accept him more fully for who he is, and I feel more confident in my parenting decisions then when I started this thread. Thanks to those who gave thoughtful answers (even if you shared you would be bothered by him).
You should feel great about how you are doing. Because you are. But it does not serve you or your kids well to reject minor enhancements just because they don't suit your desire for affirmation.
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Old 02-11-2016, 01:26 PM
 
1,842 posts, read 1,163,771 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
You asked for opinions. People telling you that they would find in annoying and inappropriate don't really deserve to be told they are sad and weird just because you don't like the opinions you solicited.

Many people will be polite to your son and still think he is annoying. They maybe polite and think he is "sad and weird". Now, if you don't care, and neither does he, super! No harm no foul. But asking if people think it is annoying and then getting mad when they tell you his behavior is, is odd at best. Why not just start a thread telling people what response is the correct one?
This is the real answer. 90% of the people would truly be annoyed, but they would still be polite. But say after a week this kid did that every day at breakfast....... the polite would be less polite.
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Old 02-11-2016, 01:42 PM
Status: "...but I call you 'Stormy', today.'" (set 7 days ago)
 
1,532 posts, read 755,470 times
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I get a little annoyed with parents who allow their children to just run wild in certain situations where you're more likely to encounter a nutcase stranger--the subway, for example, Wal Mart. When my nieces were small girls they knew better than to run around in McDonald's talking to random people.

Again--in certain situations. It's also wise to remember that the world is not a safe place for un-guarded children, and a predator is more likely to zero in on the friendly kid with no boundaries. And just imagine how children like this will be taken advantage of as teens and adults if they go through life as if it's a Disney movie and everyone is their 'friend'.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,879 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Here ya go.
This was after her REPEATEDLY stating that she DOES approach and offers or tries to remove her son when she sees him latch onto a stranger or a family - but she is often met with "Oh, no, he's not bothering us - he's adorable!" or even, "Oh let him stay!" It was in those cases that the OP said, "At that point, I'm not a mind reader - if they insist he's not bothering them, I'm not going to continue to insist he leave the conversation." She even went so far to explain that it's confusing to him when people express joy and acceptance and interest in him and then his mom makes him feel like they don't REALLY want to have anything to do with him - I can certainly understand that. Why make a kid feel awkward and self conscious when people are truly responding positively to him?

I really don't see the problem. I've had strange kids come up to me in various social settings and strike up a conversation with me, or with my kids. It is rarely irritating. If the mother comes to their side and says what the OP is saying, "Oh, so sorry if he's bothering you - come along, son, come back over here with us," and the child really was bothering me, what's so difficult about me saying, "Oh, he's adorable - nice to meet you, young man - I've enjoyed our conversation. Bye now!" as he's led away. Not hard. In fact, very easy. In fact, I've done it.

But if I said, "Oh, he's charming. Let him stay! I'm enjoying his company!" and any other number of things the OP is quoting people as saying, then wow - I really must be enjoying his company and want him to stay. Because with an easy out like a willing mom trying to escort him away (just as the OP described her doing in such situations), why on earth would I say, "Oh let him stay! He's not bothering me!" when I could just as easily say, "Nice meeting you, young man - enjoy your day!" and just let the mom guide him back to his own family?

In case you feel tempted to assume that he's bothering MOST people and that MOST people would rather he just tuck tail and go back over to his mom, I want to remind you that many people really do appreciate friendly, talkative little guys. Sure, not always, not everywhere - but there's nothing inherently wrong or inappropriate about a friendly little guy striking up a conversation with someone new.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,879 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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I see that the OP has taken leave of the thread, and I can understand that she's gotten a wide range of responses and feedback and doesn't want to bicker with people or rehash the same scenarios over and over again. It's not my child and frankly not my problem so at this point I'm done too.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post

Those things...well if he is excited and I am asking him to keep his voice down, if that bothers you...not too worried about it. But what does worry me is that he walks up to strangers and just starts talking to them. Most people talk back, often people smile at me and say something nice about him. Sometimes they joke that I must be tired by the end of the day (I tell them I am tired 5 minutes after waking up). He has something to say about EVERYTHING. I find it kind of embarrassing. I can't remember the last time a little boy walked up and just struck up a conversation with me. I probably thought he was "special". He does get ignored often enough, it doesn't phase him. Sometimes he will walk away, keep talking or sometimes he will find someone else to talk to.

Then there was the "lounge". We stayed at a resort hotel that had a lounge on our floor that served snacks, desserts and beverages through out the day. The seating was casual, some tables, couches, etc. It wasn't distinct separations like a restaurant, yet people tended to sit with their group and not interact. Only one TV and it always had cartoons for kids on it. When he would go in, he would just usually join a table, usually near the TV, but sometimes other ones that looked interesting. The first few times he joined another family I would go up and tell him he needs to ask before he parks himself at someone else's table, and every time the parents would just laugh it off and say he is welcome and he was enjoyable to have. I would joke that he is always trying to leave us and join another family. He did this sometimes when we were out and about too. Just go join up with what another family was doing.

I'm a little hung up on it. Its not a safety thing, really. He isn't getting lost or going off with people. But I do find it embarrassing. I am very introverted. So are my husband and my daughter. I don't want to squash his outgoing nature. But I keep worrying that he is annoying everyone. Maybe its one of those things mom should stay out of and let him deal with reactions from other people to help him take off some of the rough edges? But then I think of the battles on here over children's behavior and I worry its something I should be on top of?

What do you think?

(please don't call my kid names. He is just a child, and a nice guy at that)
Maybe it is just me, I actually found the bolded very cute

Most people know that kids are just being kids. Nothing annoying about it. If a little boy came up to me and started a conversation, I would talk to him, if the conversation is not interesting to me, I would excuse myself. It really is not a big deal.

You are thinking too much. I think he is cute. Plus, it is not like the kid wanted to disturb anybody. What you are doing is good, tell him to ask for permission first before parking himself at somebody else's table. I am sure he will do a better job in the future.
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