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Old 02-11-2016, 07:34 PM
 
7,621 posts, read 8,963,068 times
Reputation: 12920

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thislifeconfused View Post
Her dad, who really isn't winning father of the year awards
Well, it's very apparent you aren't either. From other posts, it sounds like you have family. IS there someone she can live with who can be a good role model? She certainly does not have one now.
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Old 02-11-2016, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,539,012 times
Reputation: 20153
OP your daughter does not need to help you. You need to help yourself. You have put yourself and your daughter in an awful position. Apologize to her, and be there for her!
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Old 02-11-2016, 08:27 PM
 
1,195 posts, read 849,139 times
Reputation: 2011
Apologize to your daughter for being a stupid mom. Then move back ASAP and tell your daughter that from now on she will be your main advisor: if she feels you are about to make a new bad decision, the daughter just has to remind you "Mom, are we 'moving to California' again"? And promise her you won't make such major decisions alone anymore (you probably won't have a room for big decisions since you are pregnant).
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Old 02-11-2016, 10:02 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,273,735 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thislifeconfused View Post
Hi, I recently made a mistake and met someone online and moved across the country to be with him. It's horrible, but that is the subject for a different post.

I have a 13 year old daughter. Her dad, who really isn't winning father of the year awards either, he lives here and now my daughter doesn't want to move home. We have only been here about six weeks and I can still get my old apartment and job back. Here we have nothing. Except her dad live much closer. Driving distance compared to flying.

She says if I try to move her again she won't go and I have moved her around enough. We lived in the previous place for years and need to get back.

How do I get her to make this easier on me? I have stresses coming at me from all sides. I'm worried she will run off or flat out refuse to get in the car and leave.

She is a very stubborn child. Should I be firm and put my foot down? Should I try to explain things to her? What is the best way to let her know we are leaving and make sure she is on board?
Is the guy you moved across the country to be with an ex vet who is trying to get benefits and still lives with his ex wife?
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,044,600 times
Reputation: 20460
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thislifeconfused View Post
I met him on Facebook. He "wooed" me for a couple of weeks and then he said he wanted to see me so he flew out to my state. I know I have made bad decisions. I am trying to put my children first. That is why I want to move back to my home state. I have an apartment, a job, friends. Here I have no place to live, no job, nothing. I've only been here six weeks. Do you think I should let my 13 year old decide we should stay here?

She can't live with her dad. He doesn't want her to live with him full time. He doesn't even pay child support. Hasn't in years. The only time he has has been court ordered garnished.

He lives with two other "dudes" and they party. If I move back to my apartment my 13 year old has friends, the school system is way better. She was involved in sports, band. A lot of good things.

I will maintain a safe and stable home once I get back. I just need her to help me and be supportive so we can get back quickly. I won't make this mistake again.
No you're not putting your children first. If you were, you would never have hooked up with a guy on Facebook and moved hundreds of miles away. Getting pregnant was just as much your fault as it was his. There are plenty of birth control methods out there for both men and women.

Stable home? You mention in your first post on this thread that she's sick of moving around. Keep your butt and your children's butts in one place! Stop moving around because of some random guy you don't even know. You're an adult. Think of your children before yourself. They are your #1 priority!!!!

I feel for the 13 year old. She seems doomed with party animal dad and moving around Magee for a mom. Hopefully, she can find a good role model and someone to take her under their wing.
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Old 02-12-2016, 12:32 AM
 
16 posts, read 14,164 times
Reputation: 47
good advice. thank you.
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Old 02-12-2016, 01:10 AM
 
Location: Illinois
4,754 posts, read 4,089,878 times
Reputation: 12890
If you've only been there 6 weeks, how are you 4 months pregnant?
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Old 02-12-2016, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
6,783 posts, read 2,531,498 times
Reputation: 12716
Move back. You are the parent, the decision is yours. Your daughter is 13, she will be an adult before too long. For the next 5 years, stay single and concentrate on her. I would suggest putting the baby up for adoption if I thought for a second that you'd consider it. In my opinion at 4 months along it's too late to kill it in the womb but ultimately that's between you and your God/gods/conscience.
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Old 02-12-2016, 07:49 AM
 
1,842 posts, read 1,163,771 times
Reputation: 3093
You screwed up. Who drags a kid around like that? Don't date till she is 18....
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Old 02-12-2016, 08:01 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
Admit to your daughter that you have utterly screwed up and ask her to forgive you. Then assume your parenting role and tell her that the two of your are moving back where you came from because you HAVE to have a job and a place to live. Staying where you are now with a crazy man is not an option. You don't have to be heavy-handed with her, just matter of fact. Tell her that she will be your priority from now on and you're not going to meet or date anyone until she's an adult. Be humble with her but tell her this is what is happening.

And yes, you can move out when he's gone. Leave your stuff if you have to--just get your daughter and go.

And when you get home, get to the doctor and get yourself tested for STD's. Also consider giving the baby up for adoption, although you'll need Mr. Crazy's consent to do that.
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