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Old 02-13-2016, 09:54 AM
 
16 posts, read 14,170 times
Reputation: 47

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Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
While she is admitting to past mistakes, she is openly asking for help to make new mistakes (getting back with the person her entire family said she needed to leave). She is only capable of seeing the past mistakes; not making correct decisions now. She has indicated she "knows what she needs to do"; I'm not so sure she does. I feel really sorry for her children.
No, no, no, that's where you are getting my story confused. My entire family did not tell me to meet someone online, cheat on my long term boyfriend, leave my stable life and home.

My entire family told me to leave the crazy new one, with whom I just got pregnant.

The most major mistake is that I felt a rush when he contacted me on Facebook. I have been reading about affairs and why people have them and apparently it is common to feel adrenaline and excitement and to get sucked into the new life. Until you meet them and reality sets in and you realize that they are not who they made themselves out to be.

I'm not trying to make excuses, I am only explaining so that I don't seem like some crazy person that is cheating on everyone I meet. This is the first and only time that I ever looked at another man in the five years we were together. I guess he just said the right things and I got sucked in. I didn't have good parents, they let me date a 25 year old. They didn't teach me how to be a mom or an adult. Nobody taught me anything. I was a single mom between the ages of 16-21 and it sucks. It's easy to judge when you maybe grew up with nice parents who loved you, or took you to baseball practice. I got to meet my mom's new boyfriend who may or may not molest me.

That doesn't make me not an adult and not responsible for my actions. But I did really well these past five years until i made this terrible mistake. I wish I could go back and undo it but I can't. I have to look ahead. It's not as bad as you think. My daughter is doing well. Soon she will be back home and at the school she was doing well at, and had extracurricular activities and made a lot of friends, and I will tell that I won't ever move her like I did again.
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Old 02-13-2016, 09:58 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
Reputation: 23714
Have you gotten her on board with the move back yet? Do you have a safe exit plan? (Don't post it in case he gets on your account and sees.
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Old 02-13-2016, 10:08 AM
 
12,915 posts, read 19,792,997 times
Reputation: 33935
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I didn't bring it up to be a conversation starter. Or to use as ammunition against the mom. That's the difference.
I didn't attack the mother. If you thought the information was sensitive, you had no business introducing it, yet you mentioned it twice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
It wasn't ammunition against the mom. It's a valid question, especially with some advising the 13 year old move in with her father.
I think so too. However, since the OP has left the conversation, I will too.
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Old 02-13-2016, 10:28 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,333,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Think about the example you are setting for your kids. Move back. Take a break from dating. A long break.
This. And get an education or learn a trade so you can be independent and support yourself and your children.
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Old 02-13-2016, 10:36 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I didn't attack the mother. If you thought the information was sensitive, you had no business introducing it, yet you mentioned it twice.



I think so too. However, since the OP has left the conversation, I will too.
Not sensitive, she posted it. I was telling someone to back off her for the pregnancy because she wasn't at fault. She was a child and a full grown adult took advantage. It's rape. Then you chimed in with accusatory toned questions. A rapist doesn't automatically lose all rights to their offspring, even if conceived in rape. She may have not reported it. She didn't share that and it's irrelevant unless you are using it to make her feel like a worse mother for letting her child be around him.

She already made it clear her child could not go live with him. Case closed.
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Old 02-13-2016, 10:48 AM
 
1,575 posts, read 1,424,731 times
Reputation: 3754
I think adoption may make sense in this situation. I hope the OP considers it, if crazy, abusive ex-bf would consent. If not, I hate to say it, but maybe abortion. This little family is suffering so much pain and needs so much help, and a permanent connection to this new guy will only make things much, much worse.
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Old 02-13-2016, 11:34 AM
 
16 posts, read 14,170 times
Reputation: 47
She can't go live with her dad, I won't get into it, but she can't, even if I wanted her to. I desperately want my life with my soon to be middle child's father back. I think you often take for granted what you have and it takes a major screw up like this to realize what I lost. Although you all seem to think moving back in with one of my children's father, a nice man who was always there for us is the equivalent of getting a new boyfriend. To me it would be best to have at least one of my children with their stable father.

At this point I can't be with all three. I could be with none, but isn't one better? At least she would grow up with a dad that loves her. I know he misses her. He just sent me a box of clothes and toys.

But I digress. It is probably not an option anyways. I hurt him pretty bad. Maybe though. He is a pretty forgiving person. Maybe. I still have hope, even if just a little.
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Old 02-13-2016, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,052,184 times
Reputation: 20460
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thislifeconfused View Post

At this point I can't be with all three. I could be with none, but isn't one better?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! No more men!!!! FOCUS ON YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-13-2016, 01:07 PM
 
12,915 posts, read 19,792,997 times
Reputation: 33935
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Not sensitive, she posted it. I was telling someone to back off her for the pregnancy because she wasn't at fault. She was a child and a full grown adult took advantage. It's rape. Then you chimed in with accusatory toned questions. A rapist doesn't automatically lose all rights to their offspring, even if conceived in rape. She may have not reported it. She didn't share that and it's irrelevant unless you are using it to make her feel like a worse mother for letting her child be around him.

She already made it clear her child could not go live with him. Case closed.
She didn't post it in this thread, that's on you. I think you're the one who has muddied the waters here.

And yes, she should not allow her 13 yr old daughter to be around the man who raped her as a child. At all. Not even visitation. But you are not the person to answer for her.
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Old 02-13-2016, 04:01 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
She didn't post it in this thread, that's on you. I think you're the one who has muddied the waters here.

And yes, she should not allow her 13 yr old daughter to be around the man who raped her as a child. At all. Not even visitation. But you are not the person to answer for her.
Oh thanks for setting me strait. I really appreciate it.
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