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Old 02-12-2016, 04:01 PM
 
33,060 posts, read 12,548,726 times
Reputation: 20959

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Quote:
Originally Posted by eok View Post
Why can't she simply spend the summer and Christmas with him, and forget all the weekend visits? Those are wasteful and obnoxious.

Or maybe he likes to drive her 5 hours each way. Maybe it's the only time she ever talks to him. They have to sit together the whole trip, so she might start talking out of boredom, and that might lead to meaningful conversations. What other reason could he have for being so wasteful and obnoxious?
Have no idea if this is the situation here, but I've seen fathers insist on visitation that the kids hate because, "I have my rights."

If he loved his daughter and was putting her needs first, she would never miss a practice.

As to whether they spend 10 hours in deep, meaningful conversation... hmmmm?
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Old 02-12-2016, 04:06 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
I'm with you on this, he walked out on his daughter, he created on her mother and now loves 5 hours away.

I can only wonder what the daughters feelings are about her father.



Trying to be a good father? Being a good father is sticking around for your kid. Being a good father is choosing your child over a woman 5 hours away. Being a good parent is realizing your child has a life and interests at HOME, the home her father left.

Divorce is traumatic enough but thus poor girl has to spend 10hrs in a car every other weekend. It's ridiculous.



What about what the daughter wants? She's 13, her desires should matter.



Seriously, I wonder if these posters have ever applied to college. Extra curriculars are important, they are NECESSARY to be considered a well rounded college applicant. Your husband is putting HIS need for a relationship with his daughter above what his daughter wants.

I'm shocked so many are defending this guy.
We only have one side of the story. OP I think you and ex need to head back to mediation to deal with they 5 hour drive issue and your daughter's increasing social/school/extra curricular life. I wouldn't expect him to give up time just because you told him to. But I think if you guys sit down with the calendar, maybe something can be worked out. Maybe he can have more time with her in the summer.

If it were me, Id pick her up Saturday morning and stay in town until drop off Sunday night...it does seem like 10 hours in the car is a hardship for a kid. I wouldn't want to do it myself! Maybe he will grow tired it (x2) and be willing to communicate and cooperate.

I just wouldn't go on the attack about this. I feel like we shouldn't even know the cause of the divorce in this case because the post is about a custody agreement, not how he did you wrong.
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Old 02-12-2016, 04:08 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
Have no idea if this is the situation here, but I've seen fathers insist on visitation that the kids hate because, "I have my rights."

If he loved his daughter and was putting her needs first, she would never miss a practice.

As to whether they spend 10 hours in deep, meaningful conversation... hmmmm?
I doubt they do talk that whole time, but my best conversations with all of my kids have been in the car after they get bored. Captive audience LOL
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Old 02-12-2016, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,171 posts, read 2,906,932 times
Reputation: 3529
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
Have no idea if this is the situation here, but I've seen fathers insist on visitation that the kids hate because, "I have my rights."

If he loved his daughter and was putting her needs first, she would never miss a practice.

As to whether they spend 10 hours in deep, meaningful conversation... hmmmm?
Could he come into town with this girlfriend and spend the night in a hotel and attend the dance practice and then go do something afterwards?
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Old 02-12-2016, 05:53 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,664,859 times
Reputation: 6644
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
We only have one side of the story. OP I think you and ex need to head back to mediation to deal with they 5 hour drive issue and your daughter's increasing social/school/extra curricular life. I wouldn't expect him to give up time just because you told him to. But I think if you guys sit down with the calendar, maybe something can be worked out. Maybe he can have more time with her in the summer.

If it were me, Id pick her up Saturday morning and stay in town until drop off Sunday night...it does seem like 10 hours in the car is a hardship for a kid. I wouldn't want to do it myself! Maybe he will grow tired it (x2) and be willing to communicate and cooperate.

I just wouldn't go on the attack about this. I feel like we shouldn't even know the cause of the divorce in this case because the post is about a custody agreement, not how he did you wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
Could he come into town with this girlfriend and spend the night in a hotel and attend the dance practice and then go do something afterwards?
Exactly! This opinion has nothing to do with mom. I don't understand the fathers thinking. Come in to town and go with her to dance or sports, do something at night with her friends. With 5 hours apart the parent should be the one accommodating their child, it's selfish on the part of the dad to keep doing this if the daughter doesn't like it.

She's 13 and her father cheated on her mother and left, not just his wife but his daughter. And now every other weekend she has to spend 10 hours in a car to spend 2 nights with dad and the new girlfriend. I don't know many 13 yr olds who would be happy about this.
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Old 02-12-2016, 06:29 PM
 
33,060 posts, read 12,548,726 times
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For whatever reasons he is doing this, I think it is terrific that her father is going to such efforts to maintain regular contact. This is a critical time in her development (aren't they all), and to be abruptly abandoned by her father would be devastating with long-term consequences.
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Old 02-12-2016, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,463 posts, read 7,165,715 times
Reputation: 31234
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I doubt they do talk that whole time, but my best conversations with all of my kids have been in the car after they get bored. Captive audience LOL
...maybe when they were too young for cellphones or before cellphones were around....
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Old 02-12-2016, 07:38 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
...maybe when they were too young for cellphones or before cellphones were around....
With cell phones and without. My oldest is 22, my youngest is 9. I am talking about teens with smart phones. Sometimes I did ask them to put them away for a while. The worst was my teenage foster daughter. She was obsessed with that cell phone. She even had near sightedness because of looking at it so much. But we actually had some good conversations on a 4 hour drive a couple times.
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Old 02-12-2016, 08:18 PM
 
218 posts, read 111,188 times
Reputation: 375
She is usually stuck in the back seat while dad & girlfriend talk...not sure how much quality time that is.
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Old 02-12-2016, 08:35 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,528,663 times
Reputation: 10766
10 hours in the car every other weekend? Screw that. Stick to the mediation agreement where it factors in her dance activities, or go back to mediation. What is happening is just plain darn stupid of him.
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