U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-13-2016, 06:20 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,663,223 times
Reputation: 6644

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by andie1969 View Post
Yeah, I won't even go into all the sacrifices I've made...that's not what this post is about.

I find it hilarious that the woman on another thread is getting beat up because she moved to be with a man she met on FB, but I'm supposed to be perfectly fine & supportive of my ex who up and left for some woman he met on Instagram, who by the way was also married (over 20 years) when they began their romance. Talk about a double standard...

And to those of you who asked, no he rarely picks her up or drops her off without the girlfriend around and he won't even consider spending a weekend here without her to spend quality time with his daughter. It's his way or no way. He's a narcissist only child with a narcissistic, passive aggressive mother. He only surrounds himself with people who support his choices and has cut anyone out who would call him on his BS.
I just want to say that I really respect you and how you avoided trashing dad until the thread got to the point where you had to share the ugly details to try and quiet the pitchforks.

He sounds exactly like what many of us already thought. I'm sorry he did this to your daughter and I think you're being a great supportive mom. You're doing the right things her father is not.

Is your daughter in counseling? It could be helpful so that she can talk about her feelings on dad, you and the whole situation without having to worry about trashing each parent with the other. A neutral voice her to get guidance from.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-13-2016, 06:25 AM
 
2,813 posts, read 1,399,508 times
Reputation: 6116
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Yes, it doesn't matter the event. My opinion would be the same.

And it remains that your daughter and ex husband should work it out themselves and you should bow out.
Does it sound like he would totally respect her schedule, opinions and feelings on the subject?

Keep in mind: this is a guy who chose to move 5 hrs away, and thinks it's in his kid's best interest to spend 10 hrs in the car every other weekend.

He doesn't sound that reasonable to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 06:33 AM
 
2,813 posts, read 1,399,508 times
Reputation: 6116
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmarie123 View Post
So you other activities are more important than your daughter seeing her dad? Good move, mom. Way to get your priorities correct.

Whether or not dad decided to move, you are still mom, and you should still put your daughter's interests first.

You are penalizing your daughter by making visitation hard, because you have spite towards dad.

You make sacrifices for your kids. You don't stop making the sacrifices because the other parent made them bigger than you wanted them to be.
Um, I think your math is off. Daughter would spending the same amount of time in the car whether dad does all the driving or if mom were to drive halfway Due to dad's choices, not mom's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 07:23 AM
 
33,050 posts, read 12,521,075 times
Reputation: 20942
I would not recommend leaving this up to the daughter to work out with her dad. If she gets sullen and defiant, he will take it out on her and that's not fair.

She is the child in this scenario.It is up to the adults to work out what is in her best interest. If you need to get judges, attorneys, and mediators involved, so be it.

If the custody arrangement was that she be able to continue with her dance, then insist that he work around that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 09:38 AM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
Reputation: 31051
I think 5 hours if too far to go every other weekend. My friend who is in a position similar to this (greater distance) switched from splitting weeks to only visiting their dad during school breaks. The downside is the kids are gone for most of the summer, every other Christmas, and every other spring break.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 09:39 AM
 
493 posts, read 365,284 times
Reputation: 497
I don't think you should leave it up to her. My mom always played the "bad guy" when I didn't want to go see my dad so he wouldn't be offended.

She is 13 why should she have to tell her dad that I dont want to see you today I have dance. He might take it personal and it could put a strain on your relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 09:48 AM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
Reputation: 31051
OK, I've read most of the responses now. I'm surprised that so many people just see this as the mom being bitter about the divorce. This is a real problem. I don't know how long she'll be allowed to stay on a team where she misses half of the practices. If we were talking about 2 hours, maybe even 3, it might be ok to try to do it every other weekend, but a 5 hour drive each way is just not practical.

I think you should go back to mediation/court and ask for a different schedule with longer, less frequent visits to dad; or dad can come back to town and see her after her practice. Maybe she could visit him during school breaks and on 3-day weekends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 09:52 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,500,984 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by andie1969 View Post
Yeah, I won't even go into all the sacrifices I've made...that's not what this post is about.

I find it hilarious that the woman on another thread is getting beat up because she moved to be with a man she met on FB, but I'm supposed to be perfectly fine & supportive of my ex who up and left for some woman he met on Instagram, who by the way was also married (over 20 years) when they began their romance. Talk about a double standard...

And to those of you who asked, no he rarely picks her up or drops her off without the girlfriend around and he won't even consider spending a weekend here without her to spend quality time with his daughter. It's his way or no way. He's a narcissist only child with a narcissistic, passive aggressive mother. He only surrounds himself with people who support his choices and has cut anyone out who would call him on his BS.
You were with him at least 10ish years? And he left you, you didn't leave him? I think your anger towards him is getting in the way of your coparenting. Maybe he is the devil...I don't know. But it sounds more like you are very bitter and we are getting one side.

What are you going to do to make the situation better? I agree it's far from ideal. The drive is too much. Missing things as she gets older will be more difficult. I'm neutral on the dance, but things will be more important as she gets into high school. So it's time to sort this out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 10:19 AM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
Reputation: 31051
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
You were with him at least 10ish years? And he left you, you didn't leave him? I think your anger towards him is getting in the way of your coparenting. Maybe he is the devil...I don't know. But it sounds more like you are very bitter and we are getting one side.

What are you going to do to make the situation better? I agree it's far from ideal. The drive is too much. Missing things as she gets older will be more difficult. I'm neutral on the dance, but things will be more important as she gets into high school. So it's time to sort this out.
What could the OP possibly do to make this situation better?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2016, 10:31 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,500,984 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What could the OP possibly do to make this situation better?
Hire a lawyer, mediator, insist on a following of the original visitation orders, suggest to her ex a new visitation schedule. Complaining about it isn't going to change it. We can agree he is wrong, or not...but it doesn't change it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top