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Has anyone called Children and Family Services (or whatever its called in your county?). I don't have much experience working things through the system but its seems you are desperate. If this was my child and everything you say is true; I'd stop at nothing to fight for them. Equity loan on my house, whatever. Go to the bank and get a credit line. Just do something. Money can be repaid; this child won't be fixable forever.
The kid has threatened to burn down the school, hurts animals, stabs kids ( even though a pencil dangerous), has a gun ,etc. and nothing is being done to help him.
This child needs long term therapy now. I don't think the problem is the ex-wife trying to hurt her ex-husband. Nor is this " golden uterus". Something far more serious is going on here.
I agree with Wmsn4Life this may be sexual abuse for this child to act out so badly. Please try to figure out away to get custody of him so that he can receive the therapy he needs. Yes, do try a home equity loan, etc.
At the rate this is going, the boy is going to do something at school soon that will have him arrested and put into juvenile custody. God Forbid he hurts a child or children. Once that happens it's going to be a nightmare for all. Do whatever you need to do now to have removed from his mom's home.
I agree totally he needs mental health. Mom won't take him. She refuses. We think she is hiding something. I myself have reported this to social services. Many times. Nothing has happened. No one thinks this crap is serious. Mom absolutely is doing this to hurt dad. She neglects their son by refusing to do what dad suggests b/c she hates him. There are parents out there that do this. It is beyond sad. But we watch it all the time.
He has already hurt other children. Mom didn't seem to care. Neither did school. I too feel possible sex abuse but while he has told us things, he hasn't told us that. I have reported all I could to social services.
Has anyone called Children and Family Services (or whatever its called in your county?). I don't have much experience working things through the system but its seems you are desperate. If this was my child and everything you say is true; I'd stop at nothing to fight for them. Equity loan on my house, whatever. Go to the bank and get a credit line. Just do something. Money can be repaid; this child won't be fixable forever.
Yes. I have personally called dozens of times.
We have quite a bit of debt ourselves. We tried getting our home refinanced - we didn't qualify b/c of debt to income ratio. We were hoping to free up things that way. It didn't work.
You really need to get him out of that situation. Can't you get on a payment plan with the attorney?
Honestly, your post was hard to read (spacing, please).
What does the school counselor or social worker say? They can help pave the way for you.
Sounds like mom is mentally ill. She needs help, too.
Attorney did not offer payment plan. I asked. Sorry about spacing. It is spaced from my view. I tried the best I could.
School counselor treated this lightly. Husband is calling principal tomorrow. Even when we said his mom bought a gun. She was stunned but said nothing. Didn't seem to think it was a huge deal. This is why he's calling principal. Her response did not match severity.
I too feel mom is mentally ill. Have thought that for years.
Not to my knowledge but of course that was my thought too. I'm waiting for him to start. I see him slowly coming apart. I am aware of how this kind of stuff unfolds.
I too agree something far more serious is happening. I have questioned for years about sexual abuse. I myself was sexually abused. I did not act out in this way but I am aware through counseling, training (worked with abused kids), etc that it does not manifest the same in all kids. Husband is just now at a point where he's able to accept this possibility.
WE DO NOT HAVE ANY MENTAL HEALTH RIGHTS, as I stated above. I'll change my post b/c that is the part a lot of people keep mentioning but we, at this point, cannot do anything.
You can call CPS and make a report. Give the incidents that have happened to your knowledge with dates and what happened.
Current day:
SS is in trouble nearly daily at school. We found out he tried to hurt my husband's mom's dogs, too, recently. So that is 3 animals, in 3 different houses. He lashes out at the teachers. He is failing. Mom was supposed to take him to tutoring (school rules) and she only took him once. She refused to answer why she wouldn't take him. This was free tutoring too. She says she won't sign him up for a sport he wants to play because he's failing, but allowed him to join a running club at school. We are excited for him, but it makes no sense - she contradicts herself like this on nearly everything. When he is with us, things are pleasant. Yes, we have had our hard times, but he tells us frequently that he had a good visit, can't wait to see us again, etc. He also adores his new sibling. It's been a year since mom took him to a therapist. Last week he was in trouble at school because he told the teacher "I want to burn the building down. And I wish I had a gun". Well, he DOES have a gun. Mom bought it for him for his birthday. We thought he meant a bb gun or something. No. We have it confirmed in email that she bought him a rifle. Still sleeps with mom. Still wets the bed. Has stabled 2 kids with a pencil. Has gotten in trouble for putting his hands on other kids. We sign him up ourselves for activities, as we can. Mom takes him sometimes, when we sign him up, but mostly creates excuses. She has promised him she would sign him up for karate - never did. Promised boy scouts - signed him up but never took him to a meeting. Promised so much to this little guy - never follows through. It is like she wants to cause my husband pain through their kid. Why? She wanted to leave. lol It just makes no sense. He has asked his mom...can we do this at my school...she lies and makes excuses to him. He has no friends.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daisee1203
Agree completely. No one...teachers, school, school counselor see an issue. Husband spoke to counselor last week and she just treated it like a one time thing since in her words, "he's not in my office frequently". Husband is calling principal tomorrow.
We looked into filing for full custody. $10k. Husband has zero mental health rights to decide anything for son, as said above in original post. Thank you.
I call B.S. Every school that I know would immediately go into high gear if a student threatened to burn the school down and said "I wish I had a gun". The HSs in my area would have police office talking to the student within minutes after making such a statement. While they may not arrest the student, the threat definitely would be taken VERY SERIOUSLY. And, if the police knew that the teen had an actual gun there would definitely be repercussions.
PS. I just read your update where you said that they did not realize that he actually had a gun. Yes, call the principal and express your concerns. In the very unlikely situation where he does not take you seriously I would again call CPS and the police to share your story.
Now, it is possible that your step-son may be put in a juvenile detention center but isn't that better than to be the parent of the shooter at a school shooting and have multiple murders on your conscience?
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-14-2016 at 11:06 AM..
This is just so sad. The boy is asking for help. He's telling you what he does and his thoughts looking for help. There is no one there to help him. Unless he gets help soon he's going to wind up a twisted felon in this teens or sooner. Right now he is amenable to help. Once he gets into the juvenile or adult justice systems things will go south quickly.
Perhaps you could keep calling around to attorneys, maybe there is someone cheaper or someone who will take payments. If nothing else, your hubby may have to file a petition for custody on his own.
It may not work, but the facts have to get before a judge. It could be that a judge would appoint a guardian ad litem who could represent the boy in court while the the custody procedure progresses.
Can you document everything and petition the original court that set up the divorce settlement to try for custody? It may vary by state/county but I was in TN once when someone got custody of his daughter after some neglect issues were proven.
Keep shopping for counsel. It burns me up that it would cost so much to save a child's life. No money? Too bad. Child stays in the handbasket to hades.
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I see him slowly coming apart. I am aware of how this kind of stuff unfolds.
