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Old 02-15-2016, 10:04 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
^ That was the red flag. So often people continue past the red flag. It never ends well.
Riiiiight. Because living our lives according to his ex wife and the problems she has moving on, should be considered. She's an adult. Responsible for herself. Him finding another partner and marrying them meant the end of her attempting to control him and their child. That is why she flipped. Nothing more.

 
Old 02-15-2016, 10:07 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElizaTeal View Post
One problem I see, is that you are blaming everyone else, yet it is your husband who screws up things at every juncture. There is no use throwing more money at the situation if your husband doesn't take responsibility for his poor choices. It sounds like your husband is going through the motions just to appease you, while at the same time the ex is well aware of your husband's lax behavior, and rides roughshod over him at every given opportunity.
I posted my husband accepts responsibility for his wrong actions. He absolutely has a part in this. No doubt. My husband wants to help him. He doesn't know how. He is slowly learning. Yes, I agree his ex thinks his behavior is lax and will do nothing. But each time he proves that wrong, she ups the ante and her behavior gets worse.

But as far as where we should go and do from here is why I am posting. We are lost.
 
Old 02-15-2016, 10:11 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Moderator cut: orphaned quote

Has either one of you been to the bank or school yet?

I agree with ElizaTeal. Your husband is the boy's advocate, and it is HIS job to manage this situation, not the principal or counselor or teachers.

I would have been at the front door of one place or the other at opening time this morning.
Moderator cut: delete

Been to the bank? School and banks are on holiday today - President's Day.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-15-2016 at 01:04 PM.. Reason: orphaned quote and response
 
Old 02-15-2016, 10:12 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
In many states, if you take your ex to court over custody, and they lose, they have to pay YOUR court costs.
In our state is is set up this way. But you have to pay the attorney fees up front. You have to pay them to start the beginning of any action.
 
Old 02-15-2016, 10:18 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by PanthersPanthers View Post
The kid sounds like a mess....but I would honestly think long and hard before you move him into your home. It sounds like you have a younger child. I would not feel comfortable having a (possibly sociopathic) child living in my home. I know it sounds harsh, but I can see your marriage being wrecked over this, as well as possible harm coming to your younger child.

How old is the kid now? If he's teens or older, I'd let it go. The chance to mold him into the kid you want him to be is over. Nothing his Mom does stands out to me. Lots of parents supervise their kids when they shower, and cosleep long into the elementary school years. Not every parent is interested in their child's education, or wants them signed up for extracurriculars. Sounds like you and your husband have your own ideas on how the child should be raised, and are annoyed they aren't being followed. She is his primary parent, and should be able to raise him as she sees fit.

He sounds like a troubled young man, and I hope somewhere along the way someone takes him under their wing. Your husband should try and influence him positively as much as he can. But I wouldn't invite him to live with me with his past history of animal abuse, explosive anger, and violence. Your home will become a warzone, and I predict he will be right back with his mother in no time, even angrier now from the rejection and upheaval.
He's 10. Nothing was mentioned in my post about moving him into our home. We are trying to get him the help he so obviously and desperately needs.

They both have the same parent title if you will. There is no such thing as primary parent unless one parent has sole custody. This is not that case. They both have joint parental custody. The only difference is she has full psych and education rights. I find your response weird, at best.

"Lots of parents supervise their kids when they shower?". Really? At 10? Show me these parents. Every single adult we have mentioned this to - with and without kids finds this creepy. And no, the definition of co-sleeping does not go far into the elementary years. Look it up. Go look at the facts.

We don't have our own ideas of how he should be raised. We have an idea that we want him to be healthy. He isn't.
 
Old 02-15-2016, 10:27 AM
 
370 posts, read 452,186 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
So here we have a step-mother, being supportive of her husband, trying to get help for his child who appears to be somehow abused by his mother, and she's getting dumped on for trying? SMH. Because you know if she had posted that her husband is spending far too much time and money on his troubled child and ignoring her and their new baby, she'd be ripped apart.

Yes, her husband needs to take the lead, but I don't see anywhere that he wasn't planning to meet with the school administration. Obviously, as a step-parent, the OP doesn't have access to his school records without him. But she can do the investigative work for Dad so he can go to work, which is what she is doing.
Moderator cut: delete
I came here for advice on what our options might be, that maybe we missed. I appreciate your support.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-15-2016 at 01:15 PM.. Reason: off topic
 
Old 02-15-2016, 11:03 AM
 
2,770 posts, read 2,047,009 times
Reputation: 2023
Quote:
Originally Posted by PanthersPanthers View Post
... It sounds like you have a younger child. I would not feel comfortable having a (possibly sociopathic) child living in my home.

Right.

Understandably, neither the OP or the husband are equipped to handle what appears to be a growing sociopath

There`s no money for another go around with a lawyer. So, for right now focus on the safety of the younger child. The youth in question is dangerous and it`s only a matter of time before something very bad happens.

And when it does you don`t want the youngest anywhere nearby.

Last edited by john3232; 02-15-2016 at 11:16 AM..
 
Old 02-15-2016, 11:17 AM
 
3,535 posts, read 6,960,281 times
Reputation: 4541
I actually don't think that was bashing. Its a fair assessment of the situation. That's not saying I think mom's house is better. Sadly, I feel it's safest for your baby and your dog to not have him in the home. I fear that your SS has far greater issues than can be dealt with in a volatile custody arrangement.
 
Old 02-15-2016, 11:20 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,663,686 times
Reputation: 6644
Why aren't you doing more? The symptoms he exhibits are huge red flags for potentially really dangerous behavior.

I'd be talking to ANYONE who will listen. Doctors, school, DCF, the police. I would keep on speaking up, filing complaints etc... This child needs serious help NOW.
 
Old 02-15-2016, 11:51 AM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,017,080 times
Reputation: 64014
Quote:
Originally Posted by daisee1203 View Post
I posted my husband accepts responsibility for his wrong actions. He absolutely has a part in this. No doubt. My husband wants to help him. He doesn't know how. He is slowly learning. Yes, I agree his ex thinks his behavior is lax and will do nothing. But each time he proves that wrong, she ups the ante and her behavior gets worse.

But as far as where we should go and do from here is why I am posting. We are lost.
If you determine what you are exactly trying to accomplish, and break it down into small steps, you will be less frustrated.

Keep your expectations realistic. What do you want to address with the school principal? The school is not going to intervene with the child's home life, just because an ex is a making allegations. The school can help with behavioral problems in the classroom, along with failing grades, perhaps arrange for weekly sessions with a school guidance counselor.

You can't blame your step son's primary custodian for everything, for example if your stepson is hurting children and family pets, he might have some sort of organic brain disorder for which there is no cure. Your husband should try communicating with his ex in a non-accusatory manner. Both parents need to look out for the best interest of the child, instead of trying to prove one another wrong. You are going to have to change tactics. If you can't afford professional help, you must work within the perimeters you have. If the ex has moved so physically and mentally far away from you, it could be because you have made her feel you are focusing on her style of parenting, and not about the child's best interest. When I use the word "you" it applies to you and your husband.

Make an appointment for a free 30 minute consultation with an attorney who practices family law, see if he/she has any suggestions.
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