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He IS in trouble nearly daily at school. Teachers write on his conduct card nearly daily. He has screamed at them. Thrown things. But do they send him to the office? NO! They just "take it"? This was the problem last year. My husband tried to make it known. No one listened. This is why he's calling principal to express his dissatisfaction with how things are handled. The teachers are really soft - at least last year and this year. The AP assured my husband he would be with teachers in 4th grade that were stern. Didn't happen. So he gets in trouble, but is not sent to the office by the teachers, thus, the counselor doesn't see him a lot.
He IS failing. He does well in some subjects. Not in others.
He IS in trouble nearly daily at school. Teachers write on his conduct cardnearly daily. He has screamed at them. Thrown things. But do they send him to the office? NO! They just "take it"? This was the problem last year. My husband tried to make it known. No one listened. This is why he's calling principal to express his dissatisfaction with how things are handled. The teachers are really soft - at least last year and this year. The AP assured my husband he would be with teachers in 4th grade that were stern. Didn't happen. So he gets in trouble, but is not sent to the office by the teachers, thus, the counselor doesn't see him a lot.
He IS failing. He does well in some subjects. Not in others.
You may not be aware of this, but in some/many schools repeatedly sending a student or students to the office can get a teacher in serious trouble if not actually fired. That could be the reason that he is not being sent to see the principal or counselor.
In some schools teachers can also get into trouble if they make too many referrals for special education programs. That may explain why he has not been referred for classes for behavior problems/emotional disabilities/behavioral disabilities.
So your husband bungled the mediation process and somehow forfeited most of his rights. Technically he isn't even supposed to call the school because he "can't decide anything to do with education"?
Now the school is just tolerating this disturbed child in order to pass him along to the next year's set of teachers, even though he has physically harmed other students and made threats to the school?
Yes, do whatever you can to get the money to hire a competent attorney, monitor the process VERY carefully, and help protect this child as well as the other kids who have to be in class with him all day.
I think it may help if your husband stops calling the school. What could help is if he goes there and has a firm appointment to sit down in a group meeting with the child's principal, his teacher and the school counselor.
Then bring up everything you have told us from having to shower in front of his mom, to sleeping with his mom, to the rifle, the trying to kill animals, to wanting to burn the school down, the attacks on students. Then see what the school would like to do.
During the meeting make sure to tell those in attendance that you are writing down their names and the date of the meeting and the items discussed. In other words give them the idea that you are wanting to see their accountability.
A phone call can be meaningless- do you have an idea how many phone calls a school gets every day ? They are not taking you seriously. Push a lot harder.
So your husband bungled the mediation process and somehow forfeited most of his rights. Technically he isn't even supposed to call the school because he "can't decide anything to do with education"?
Now the school is just tolerating this disturbed child in order to pass him along to the next year's set of teachers, even though he has physically harmed other students and made threats to the school?
Yes, do whatever you can to get the money to hire a competent attorney, monitor the process VERY carefully, and help protect this child as well as the other kids who have to be in class with him all day.
- Yes. He admits he should have made different choices. He was trying to read the document but his attorney at that time, hurried him along and said they had to get their next appointment. I was not allowed to attend mediation. We asked. He didn't know he could have gotten up and walked out. You are wrong. He can absolutely call the school. He just can't make education decisions. Meaning, he can't decide where he attends school, can't ask for a new teacher - things like that. But in our state, he can very much still meet with teachers, school officials, ask questions, go to school events, etc. And he does.
- It appears this way. Remember, SS was attending an elem school about 10m from our home. His teacher that year was very concerned. She expressed this to us. She got nowhere with his mom. But that summer, mom moved, without any notice, and enrolled him in the new school. Now they live 45 miles away - one way, from us. Mom is smart enough to know that if dad cannot easily drive to school, he can't be all that involved.
- When you say "monitor the process" what are you implying? Are you implying I have some kind of say in this? Because I don't. I wasn't even allowed to attend mediation - like be in the same location. His ex couldn't bring anyone but herself, either. Just b/c I am his wife doesn't make me have instant access to everything. The state wants the two parents involved. Not to lessen my importance, but I cannot physically do more than I have done. I have called family services myself. I have gone with him to speak to the teachers. I will be with him when he speaks to principal. I can't protect other kids - that is up to their parents. You are instructing me to do things that are far our of my reach.Are you thinking? (You used the thinking emoticon on me) Not being rude, but honestly...are you reading my responses? You think I we magically have money that we are hiding? I'm not sure what you expect me to do. I clearly am distraught and seeking help. I have gone through every resource I can. I have a child of my own, too. My heart hurts. But if you think it is because of my lack of doing something, you are wrong. If we had the money, I wouldn't be posting.
Last edited by daisee1203; 02-14-2016 at 12:40 PM..
I think it may help if your husband stops calling the school. What could help is if he goes there and has a firm appointment to sit down in a group meeting with the child's principal, his teacher and the school counselor.
Then bring up everything you have told us from having to shower in front of his mom, to sleeping with his mom, to the rifle, the trying to kill animals, to wanting to burn the school down, the attacks on students. Then see what the school would like to do.
During the meeting make sure to tell those in attendance that you are writing down their names and the date of the meeting and the items discussed. In other words give them the idea that you are wanting to see their accountability.
A phone call can be meaningless- do you have an idea how many phone calls a school gets every day ? They are not taking you seriously. Push a lot harder.
I'm not sure what the answer is, but I don't think it's the school's mess to solve. They should be consulted regarding his in-school behavior, if the father is allowed to deal with them directly via his current custody arrangement. But, I would not discuss the out-of-school issues, at least not with the principal or his teachers.
I wonder if the OP's town has a juvenile officer in the police department that can be consulted.
You may not be aware of this, but in some/many schools repeatedly sending a student or students to the office can get a teacher in serious trouble if not actually fired. That could be the reason that he is not being sent to see the principal or counselor.
In some schools teachers can also get into trouble if they make too many referrals for special education programs. That may explain why he has not been referred for classes for behavior problems/emotional disabilities/behavioral disabilities.
I think it may help if your husband stops calling the school. What could help is if he goes there and has a firm appointment to sit down in a group meeting with the child's principal, his teacher and the school counselor.
Then bring up everything you have told us from having to shower in front of his mom, to sleeping with his mom, to the rifle, the trying to kill animals, to wanting to burn the school down, the attacks on students. Then see what the school would like to do.
During the meeting make sure to tell those in attendance that you are writing down their names and the date of the meeting and the items discussed. In other words give them the idea that you are wanting to see their accountability.
A phone call can be meaningless- do you have an idea how many phone calls a school gets every day ? They are not taking you seriously. Push a lot harder.
He is calling to make an appointment with the principal. Please remember we live 45 miles away, one way. We also have a child in our home, too. We can't just leave our house on a moment's notice. Things have to be arranged - especially if I'm going with him. This incident occurred last week. We only heard about it through SS the day after it happened. His own mother didn't tell my husband. The next day, he emailed the teachers and called the counselor. She called him back and we spoke with her. Now that we see her response was less than stellar, he is going to meet with the principal.
I love that you suggest to bring up everything and then see what they say. I will work on writing a letter. I also love that you suggest to write down names and dates. My husband is at his end, just like I am. He says his next stop will be the district. If after that nothing is done, he is calling a local news station.
I appreciate very much you are going back and forth with me and read my long post.
- Yes. He admits he should have made different choices. He was trying to read the document but his attorney at that time, hurried him along and said they had to get their next appointment. I was not allowed to attend mediation. We asked. He didn't know he could have gotten up and walked out. You are wrong. He can absolutely call the school. He just can't make education decisions. Meaning, he can't decide where he attends school, can't ask for a new teacher - things like that. But in our state, he can very much still meet with teachers, school officials, ask questions, go to school events, etc. And he does.
- It appears this way. Remember, SS was attending an elem school about 10m from our home. His teacher that year was very concerned. She expressed this to us. She got nowhere with his mom. But that summer, mom moved, without any notice, and enrolled him in the new school. Now they live 45 miles away - one way, from us. Mom is smart enough to know that if dad cannot easily drive to school, he can't be all that involved.
- When you say "monitor the process" what are you implying? Are you implying I have some kind of say in this? Because I don't. I wasn't even allowed to attend mediation - like be in the same location. His ex couldn't bring anyone but herself, either. Just b/c I am his wife doesn't make me have instant access to everything. The state wants the two parents involved. Not to lessen my importance, but I cannot physically do more than I have done. I have called family services myself. I have gone with him to speak to the teachers. I will be with him when he speaks to principal. I can't protect other kids - that is up to their parents. You are instructing me to do things that are far our of my reach.Are you thinking? Not being rude, but honestly...are you reading my responses? You think I we magically have money that we are hiding? I'm not sure what you expect me to do. I clearly am distraught and seeking help. I have gone through every resource I can. I have a child of my own, too. My heart hurts. But if you think it is because of my lack of doing something, you are wrong. If we had the money, I wouldn't be posting.
I'm not "wrong." I was asking clarifying questions. See the question marks at the end???
Just relax. By "monitor the process," I meant the two of you, not just YOU. Take what he learned the first time around and be sure not to make the same mistakes this time around.
I don't think you're hiding money. You're the one who brought up the home equity loan. If you have that option, do it tomorrow.
I'm not "wrong." I was asking clarifying questions. See the question marks at the end???
Just relax. By "monitor the process," I meant the two of you, not just YOU. Take what he learned the first time around and be sure not to make the same mistakes this time around.
I don't think you're hiding money. You're the one who brought up the home equity loan. If you have that option, do it tomorrow.
No. I missed that. I missed the question marks.
This past time was supposed to be that - not make the same mistakes. Since I couldn't be at mediation with him he literally didn't know he could get up and walk out. He didn't know he didn't have to agree to any of it.His attorney certainly didn't clue him in.
We do own a home. I am not sure with our debt to income ratio, we can get it. I have brought this up though.
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