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Soccer or a family vacation can never, ever be an equally valuable substitute for time spent nurturing one's child. Of course, part of that nurturing can be in the form of soccer or a family vacation, but it can also be shown in ways that cost a lot less or require more one on one interaction. That doesn't mean that soccer or big family vacations are not valuable additions to a kids' life. It just means that they are not MORE valuable than the loving sacrifices and attention of a parent.
That being said, it all depends on whether or not the parent in question is really a nurturing, loving, emotionally and mentally healthy adult whose child's true needs come before her own. Whether or not a parent works is not as important as these characteristics.
I agree with this comment.
I feel like people are misreading trying to bate a fight (on this forum? Never! LOL). I think Kathryn says it very well.
I'm sorry but this is absurd. I am all for moms working if they want to or need to. Many of my friends work, even full time and I have no issue with it at all. But the idea that soccer or a family vacation is more valuable in the upbringing of a child then a full time parent is laughable.
I don't see where either of these was described as "more" valuable. But if you have a skilled athlete in the family, you are aware how incredibly expensive youth sports can be. Working to support the dreams of our children IS nurturing. And if I had a child who dreamed of going on an expensive vacation that wasn't in the budget, I'd work to see it become feasible. Again, nurturing. Just not the stay at home, make hot cocoa after school type.
It really bugs me when mothers view their parenting skills through the eyes of their spouse's paycheck. Because it really doesn't matter in the end if the children are happy, healthy, and loved.
I'm sorry but this is absurd. I am all for moms working if they want to or need to. Many of my friends work, even full time and I have no issue with it at all. But the idea that soccer or a family vacation is more valuable in the upbringing of a child then a full time parent is laughable.
In order for it to be absurd, one would have to assume that the children being brought up by a WM were in some way being harmed, or deprived of something.
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Originally Posted by maciesmom
Gotta love the posters who give backhanded "respect".....as in they completely "respect" your decisions to be selfish, materialistic and basically wrong - when they know pretty much nothing about the other person's situation or life. Hey...it's your choice if you want to give your kids short-shrift. Yeah, that's totally respectful. Thanks a bunch.
This needed repeating. HFB has no issue with her mom friends that work, yet they can't possibly be doing as good a job as a SAHM does...
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Originally Posted by hml1976
Let's remember too that there are plenty of sahms whose children have these things too. I sah and my kids go on great vacations, attend private schools and sleep away camp. This image of the broke housewife can be as unfair as the unfair stereotype of the selfish working mom.
Frankly I just don't care whatever moms decide to do. it's your life live it as works for you.
Good for you. You know you are in the minority, right? It was stated upthread that most families could live on one income if only they'd live in smaller houses or not feel the need for vacations.
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Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I am a SAHM and my kids go to private school, summer camp, extracurricular activities...we just got back from Disney World. There is a middle ground where moms work because they want to make money for these things, and there is the side where moms need to work to put food on the table, and the side where a family does fine on one parent income. I would wager a small percent of moms who don't have to work do to pay for luxuries.
Again, how nice for you. Most families simply can't afford these things on one income. Many can't afford them on 2 incomes.
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Originally Posted by maciesmom
Why the need to make this statement? You are absolutely implying that women who work in part to be able to provide some of the "extras" in life, are doing so at the expense of the well being of their children. Why go there? Who are you to make that declaration across the board?
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
The point that some people are making is that it doesn't take a huge family vacation to create some wonderful memories. That doesn't mean that huge family vacations DON'T create some wonderful family memories.
I have some other great family memories. Among my favorites are the road trip we took each year out to the family homestead, for a big family reunion. Playing with my cousins out in the barns, in the fields, down by the pond, walking to the country store and putting all kinds of junk food on my grandfather's tab - good times, good times!
Fast forward, and my husband and I took his son and his son's best friend to Europe after graduation. This was only possible because we were both working at the time. Fantastic memories for the young men as well as us.
Two different experiences but both of them are wonderful in their own way. Oh, and one of them cost very little - and the other one cost $10,000.
And the point that I am making is that there is a lot to be gained by being able to provide "extras" for your family. Quantity does not necessarily equal quality in the time spent with kids department.
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Let's look at that statement again:
Soccer or a family vacation can never, ever be an equally valuable substitute for time spent nurturing one's child. Of course, part of that nurturing can be in the form of soccer or a family vacation, but it can also be shown in ways that cost a lot less or require more one on one interaction. That doesn't mean that soccer or big family vacations are not valuable additions to a kids' life. It just means that they are not MORE valuable than the loving sacrifices and attention of a parent.
That being said, it all depends on whether or not the parent in question is really a nurturing, loving, emotionally and mentally healthy adult whose child's true needs come before her own. Whether or not a parent works is not as important as these characteristics.
Yes, let's Children of working parents also get love and attention. HFB has implied multiple times that they don't, or don't get as much as with a SAHM.
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Originally Posted by strawflower
Of course not. Like you said, a mother's employment status has truly no bearing on how much/well they nurture their children.
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Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
As stated, I said "more valuable" specifically. I needed to make the statement because it needed to be said. I did not say it was at the expense of their children, or even imply it. I said it isn't "more valuable" then the child having a full time parent, all things being equal.
You don't get it. It's not an either/or. That's your problem. You continue to say that working parents provide less than SAH parents. They don't. That's where we differ. You said my statement was laughable. It is only laughable with your attitude that your way is the better way.
Good for you. You know you are in the minority, right? It was stated upthread that most families could live on one income if only they'd live in smaller houses or not feel the need for vacations.
I wanted to make a snide comment about how nice it would be to have a rich husband. Oh wait. I just did.
And remember - no one ever laid on their death bed and thought, "Dang it, I wish I'd worked five more hours a week when the kids were little so we could have gone to Disney World!" or "I wish I'd taken that promotion in Chicago so that I could have enrolled the kids in after school care!" or "Gosh, I wish I'd scrap booked more, or watched more of Good Morning America!" What people always wish they'd had more of was quality time with the people they love. Make sure you don't waste that time, or create a life for yourself and your family that unnecessarily limits that time.
This is what I was responding to.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
They very well may lay on their death bed and remember that trip to Disney world though. Some of my greatest memories of childhood are trips with my family. Sometimes that second income translates to quality time and good memories.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
To be clear, I'm not talking exclusively about Disney world. Could be any vacation that might not be possible without that extra income. Could be competitive soccer club. Could be any number of things that wouldn't be possible on one income.
I guess it might be difficult for someone who can afford all the extras on one income to really understand what I was saying.
How would you feel if your child was gifted in a certain sport or activity, but you didn't have the money to send him to lessons, or camp, or have him play on the travel club team?
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