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Old 02-20-2016, 10:14 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
Reputation: 31056

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevek64 View Post
I didn't see that you are a moderator to make such judgements. Do you also widely dislike advice from unfit parents? Just because one has the title of "parent" doesn't make them experts on the role, far from it. Take a look at all the abused kids for exhibit A.

.
It doesn't take a moderator to judge disliked advice. It isn't against the TOS to give crappy advice, so a moderator wouldn't have anything to do with it.
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Old 02-20-2016, 10:25 PM
 
Location: WI
2,820 posts, read 3,067,614 times
Reputation: 4815
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevek64 View Post
I didn't see that you are a moderator to make such judgements. Do you also widely dislike advice from unfit parents? Just because one has the title of "parent" doesn't make them experts on the role, far from it. Take a look at all the abused kids for exhibit A.

Define "unrealistic" please based on what I've posted. I've often found "unrealistic" is called out by people when their views don't match the views of others and they feel a bit guilty about them/get defensive.

I can call you out and say your "advice" sounds like parents making excuses for their lack of desire to want to spend time with their kids as money rules and is more important/a higher priority.

My core point/belief is that parents should be around their kids as much as possible, especially in their infant years/young age when they are not at school. This is "unrealistic" to you, to consider giving up material things in place of spending more time with their kids?

I didn't know this was so controversial/out of line these days but it appears to get a few feathers riled here. I'm thinking it's guilt but if we are truly confident in what we are doing, we wouldn't get so defensive about it in the first place.
This 'belittle others' choices and say they're damaging their children and then passive aggressively, "Well, I can't help that you're defensive and guilt ridden!!" Own your choices!"' isn't gonna fly around here. Especially when it's coming from someone without kids.
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Old 02-20-2016, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Amongst the AZ Cactus
7,074 posts, read 4,584,462 times
Reputation: 7672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
It has been pointed out numerous times that there are many reasons for women to work, and many important things that money can pay for, and that we needn't all fit into your idealistic view of the way things should be. Bottom line, it's none of your business what everyone else does, so lay off the judgment.

BS on your last sentence. That's always the fall back in this forum when someone stands up for themselves. Just BS. People tend to get defensive when their way of life is insulted and belittled. Go figure.
The purpose of CD is to express views and state our opinions on various topics/subject matter. I think we need to be reminded of this in cases such as this where one might not agree with my or your views on a given topic. I throw out my view, sometimes with data to back it up, and if people keep coming back at me/we go round circles enough time, I just throw out my famous "we agree to disagree", smiley face included. I don't take it personal. Others like yourself seem to take it a little more personal, ie my views/way of living is called out as "it's none of your business what everyone else does, so lay off the judgment." Again, we are on CD to express, agree, and disagree with others, sometimes a little...sometime strongly. And above all, not to take it all so personal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
This 'belittle others' choices and say they're damaging their children and then passive aggressively, "Well, I can't help that you're defensive and guilt ridden!!" Own your choices!"' isn't gonna fly around here. Especially when it's coming from someone without kids.
Accusing me of having no kids because you don't like my views?

Yes, let's talk about passive aggressive, shall we?
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Old 02-20-2016, 11:20 PM
 
5,023 posts, read 4,567,386 times
Reputation: 3190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Clearly, division of home duties should be based on the time spent at work, not the money earned.
Fair enough. But my post was about families where the man is the one doing most of the work (counting both working a job and work around the house), while the wife posts on Twitter all day. I don't understand why so many people of both genders find that acceptable, nor why posters say I am stuck in the 50s for not agreeing with that. And again, no, my wife is thankfully not one of those women.
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:17 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,368,217 times
Reputation: 32243
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevek64 View Post





That was indeed a poorly constructed sentence by me, thank you for bringing that important point up.
You're welcome.
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:20 AM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mitsguy2001 View Post
Fair enough. But my post was about families where the man is the one doing most of the work (counting both working a job and work around the house), while the wife posts on Twitter all day. I don't understand why so many people of both genders find that acceptable, nor why posters say I am stuck in the 50s for not agreeing with that. And again, no, my wife is thankfully not one of those women.
I don't find that acceptable, but I also don't know anyone who lives like that IRL.
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:27 AM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
Reputation: 31056
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevek64 View Post
The purpose of CD is to express views and state our opinions on various topics/subject matter. I think we need to be reminded of this in cases such as this where one might not agree with my or your views on a given topic. I throw out my view, sometimes with data to back it up, and if people keep coming back at me/we go round circles enough time, I just throw out my famous "we agree to disagree", smiley face included. I don't take it personal. Others like yourself seem to take it a little more personal, ie my views/way of living is called out as "it's none of your business what everyone else does, so lay off the judgment." Again, we are on CD to express, agree, and disagree with others, sometimes a little...sometime strongly. And above all, not to take it all so personal.



Accusing me of having no kids because you don't like my views?

Yes, let's talk about passive aggressive, shall we?
The thing I take issue with is when posters have their one way they think is best, whether it is mom staying home and dad working, or both parents working different shifts, or whatever, and think that it should somehow work for everyone. I am saying there are a wide variety of ways for families to work out who works and how much they work and what schedule they work, within the confines of their particular career fields. There is no one way that will work for everyone.

If you'd been around for a while you'd have seen than I've defended SAHM's and WM's alike in this forum. It isn't that one is better than the other, it is that YOU can't possibly know what is best for another family. So, you see, it isn't me being defensive about my particular life choices. It is me being fed up with know-it-all posters who think they know what is best for everyone else.
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:31 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,199,215 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitsguy2001 View Post
Unfortunately, most professional jobs don't happen either in tidy 40 hour work weeks, with an hour lunch break!
But anyway you slice it they are less hours than the cooking, cleaning, managing and parenting done for a typical toddler
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:51 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,199,215 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitsguy2001 View Post
Fair enough. But my post was about families where the man is the one doing most of the work (counting both working a job and work around the house), while the wife posts on Twitter all day. I don't understand why so many people of both genders find that acceptable, nor why posters say I am stuck in the 50s for not agreeing with that. And again, no, my wife is thankfully not one of those women.
Because you are making up anecdotes and pretending they are some sort of norm. They are not. In the majority of household, where both parents work, men don't even do half the domestic chores then. So let not pretend that the extremely unusual situation you paint is somehow something we should all be up in arms about.

If you don't want that situation, than have a frank discussion with any woman you plan to marry.

But this is not some sort of societal trend that warrrants hijacking a thread over.
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Old 02-21-2016, 09:58 AM
 
15,762 posts, read 13,199,215 times
Reputation: 19651
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
The thing I take issue with is when posters have their one way they think is best, whether it is mom staying home and dad working, or both parents working different shifts, or whatever, and think that it should somehow work for everyone. I am saying there are a wide variety of ways for families to work out who works and how much they work and what schedule they work, within the confines of their particular career fields. There is no one way that will work for everyone.

If you'd been around for a while you'd have seen than I've defended SAHM's and WM's alike in this forum. It isn't that one is better than the other, it is that YOU can't possibly know what is best for another family. So, you see, it isn't me being defensive about my particular life choices. It is me being fed up with know-it-all posters who think they know what is best for everyone else.
Agreed, one of us (mostly me) was home with ours during the pre-school years. But I am sick to death of the working parents being painted as an extreme of people who are popping off kids to be in day care 25 hours a day 8 days a week so mom can buy Jimmy Chous and vacations in paris 53 weeks a year.

Not only is it not their business, the notion that working parents are slighting their children isn't even support by fact. There are distinct advantages to being raised in a higher socio-economic status or with more disposable income, that cannot be denied no matter how hard people try. For some families, both have to work, for some both working kicks them into another SES level, for some both working would isn't necessary and wouldn't convey any advanatage. Now, if someone (and I don't care if it is mom or dad) choose to stay home, great for them. Many people have arranged their lives so that is the best choice all the way around.

Most kids turn out fine, all this yammering at women about how they aren't staying home to sleep, and hold and carry their kids for 30 hours a day isn't natural or "fine" should just stick it in their ear. For the men, who are saying it, then try to find a wife who will do that for you and yours and I pray you only have sons.
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