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Old 02-05-2016, 09:38 PM
 
3 posts, read 3,373 times
Reputation: 16

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I am a 25 year old, father to a beautiful 4 year old daughter. She is by far my world, and i am faced with a very difficult decision.

Since me and her mothers split up about 2 years ago, i have did nothing but barely afford to get by in life. The state where i live is horrible to survive in because of how expensive it is (Maryland). Right now, i am currently living with my mother, sleeping on a air mattress, no vehicle, and working a job that pays 10.50$/hr. Between my cell phone bill, 400$/mo child support, and helping with upkeep on my parents house, i am constantly broke and unable to save almost any money. I have made no progress in almost 2 years, and it got old quick.

I have joint custody with my mother reguarding my 4 year old daughter, i see her Mon, Wed, Fri and every other sunday (all overnights). While i do not have a bedroom for her, she does have her own bed it is just shared within my mothers room (yes i know its far from ideal but i do what i am able given the circumstances)

Now that i have those parts out the way, here is the question: Am i a piece of **** father for moving from MD to FL? (981 mile between)

My entire family currently lives in florida (besides my aunt and my mother). My aunt recently sold her house and is on her way to live in south carolina in march. My mother is currently in the works of moving to florida by May of this year, due to her being unable to continue to survive living in this state (and she makes 22$/hr). So without them here, that leaves me with no place to stay. I have friends, but none of which i could move in with, and the one or two i could possibly move in with are not fit people to bring my daughter around (not being trustworthy people). As a kid, i was pretty stupid. i pissed away alot of chances at building a good life. I destroyed my credit, i owe edleast 20,000$ total to different companys over the years including gas/electric companies, 2 reposessed vehicles, etc. making it very difficult for me to really get ANYTHING.

I have been offered to stay with my grandfather in florida to help me get back on my feet, rent free. A vehicle will be provided by him for me to commute back and forth to work and such (it will not be mine, just able to use), and he will help me manage my stuff in order to get me eventually into a place, and to save money to get my own vehicle etc. Florida is alot cheaper to live in compared to here by FAR, and i already have a job lined up if i would move there, making 7$ more then i do here. Its almost written in stone i would be able to survive and provide for myself 100% better then my current situation, only problem being of course...my daughter could not come with me.

Her mother is willing to let me have summers, and holidays with my daughter coming to florida for those times...but other then that, if i want more time ill have to travel to do so. My daughter is my world, and even the thought of it destorys me, but my problem is im trying to be the father she deserves, and its hard to promise that in my current situation. I have noone to sit here and give me a vehicle, or money to help , nor is it there problem. As ive stated, my situation is very ****ty and sad, and in all reality i will never be able to get out of this situation without help, but the only help i have is 900+ miles away. Moving almost guarenteed i would be able to give my daughter her own room, i would be able to do things with my daughter that i can not in anyway/form do now. People question me not putting my daughter first, but i am. this is all for her, to better myself for her, to provide as good as i can. In order to provide for my daughter, i must be able to provide for myself (which i can barely do now).

I am able to take my daughter starting in may and keep her the entire summer, but i must have somewhere for her to stay by the time, meaning i need to get moving ASAP to get everything set up and ready for her arrival. I have even gotten her mother a laptop, a pretty good one, for us to be able to skype chat daily, ofc i will talk to her and see her via skype as much as possible, send her gifts, make as possible side trips that i can afford, etc do my best with the hand im delt.

But basically i need some feedback on what people think. This truely depresses me knowing the time lose ill have with my kid, but im hitting a brick wall. Let me know your thoughts, it would greatly be appretiated.

Thank you
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Old 02-05-2016, 09:58 PM
 
13,975 posts, read 25,825,509 times
Reputation: 39851
It's not ideal, but sometimes in life circumstances aren't. You have nothing to offer your daughter at this point, except love, and that won't change. Go, call often, let her know you're always thinking about her, and can't wait to see her again. Good luck to you.
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Old 02-05-2016, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,963,132 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
It's not ideal, but sometimes in life circumstances aren't. You have nothing to offer your daughter at this point, except love, and that won't change. Go, call often, let her know you're always thinking about her, and can't wait to see her again. Good luck to you.

I agree with Mattie. Move to Florida, improve your life, pay off your debts, and spend all summer and holidays with your daughter.
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Old 02-05-2016, 10:14 PM
 
5,989 posts, read 6,716,387 times
Reputation: 18480
I think.you are incredibly lucky that you have family who will help you, and an extra who is willing to let you have kid all summer and all vacations. Go. Build a better life or yourself and your daughter. Do you need to declare bankruptcy to get a clean start?
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Old 02-05-2016, 10:17 PM
 
1,517 posts, read 1,653,553 times
Reputation: 2526
You gotta do what you gotta do. Best thing is to go and get yourself setup with a job and send for her to come stay in the summers. If you stay, you'll feel bad because you have nothing to offer (but your love) for now. And if you go, you'll still feel bad because you won't see her everyday. It's a tough choice. However, going away so that you can better yourself for her makes more sense to me. She'll love you either way once she's old enough to understand.
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Old 02-06-2016, 08:41 AM
 
493 posts, read 508,388 times
Reputation: 506
You can't live the way your are living now. Make a better life for yourself.
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Old 02-06-2016, 08:56 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 11,696,328 times
Reputation: 12757
Florida offers the chance for a better life for yourself . Do the best you can there . Be thankful you will have your child summers and vacations. This is a great opportunity for you. I would go for it.
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Old 02-06-2016, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,870 posts, read 7,816,652 times
Reputation: 18193
I think going is a far better option than staying. If you remain positive, your daughter will accept this as her reality. It doesn't have to be forever. Go to FL and get your life back on track! Summer is only a few months away.

You can Skype!
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:12 AM
 
99 posts, read 92,534 times
Reputation: 306
I wouldn't do it. I have 4 kids and believe me--it would take an act of God to separate me from my kids.

I can think of a lot of things you could do to help you get back on your feet.

Get a roommate. Living expenses slashed in half. Maybe even find another Dad in the same position, you could share childcare duties as needed.

Get a 2nd job. Might cut into the time you spend with your kid, but you could manage. Seeing her less often can't be worse then seeing her only holidays and summers.

Go back to school so you can have better job prospects. Visit your local community college and talk to someone there about what kind of degree you could get that might allow you to get a job that pays more money.


There are always options. To me, if you have a close relationship with your daughter, don't give it up. She is only 4. After so much time away from her, she will grow to hate having to spend summers and holidays with someone who is pretty much a stranger. I have a friend whose daughter does this (goes from UT to NY for summers and holidays) and she HATES it. I mean, think about it---how would YOU like having to spend your summers in another state, away from your home and the comfort of everything you know?

I feel like in divorce, kids shouldn't have to pay the price for their parents' mistakes. You love her, she loves you, and that bond is worth more than anything. Exhaust ALL your resources before making a huge decision like moving far away. There are so many options available to you, fight to stay near her. She deserves it.
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:47 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,770,612 times
Reputation: 11122
I normally don't advise a parent to leave a child, but circumstances being what they are, I believe you must take this opportunity to do so.
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