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Old 02-18-2016, 02:44 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,363 times
Reputation: 13

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So as of 3 months ago 15 year old daughter and I moved and she quickly became friends with a 21 year old girl that lives next door along with her mother. Problem is she has been a horrible influence to the point I thought about getting the police involved.

I found out she has been smoking Marijuana with her and she herself talks/acts like she's some kind of gangster, I have heard her when talking with my daughter about how she would "kick her ***" referring to a girl in school my daughter has been having issues with. And she smokes cigarettes and I know drinks.

Problem is her mother is just as bad the times I have tried to talk to her she has been drunk/drinking. I have of course barred my daughter from seeing her but she has snuck out to hang out and neighbor girl has picked her up gone to the mall and who knows what else. If that weren't bad enough my formally sweet daughter has been having attitude issues and lying and even stealing money from my purse!

What can I do? I feel like putting bars on the windows but unfortunately my daughter really thinks this girl is awesome and yells at me about how unfair it is I won't allow her to hang out with her

Please help!
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Old 02-18-2016, 02:49 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,524,223 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelone43 View Post
So as of 3 months ago 15 year old daughter and I moved and she quickly became friends with a 21 year old girl that lives next door along with her mother. Problem is she has been a horrible influence to the point I thought about getting the police involved.

I found out she has been smoking Marijuana with her and she herself talks/acts like she's some kind of gangster, I have heard her when talking with my daughter about how she would "kick her ***" referring to a girl in school my daughter has been having issues with. And she smokes cigarettes and I know drinks.

Problem is her mother is just as bad the times I have tried to talk to her she has been drunk/drinking. I have of course barred my daughter from seeing her but she has snuck out to hang out and neighbor girl has picked her up gone to the mall and who knows what else. If that weren't bad enough my formally sweet daughter has been having attitude issues and lying and even stealing money from my purse!

What can I do? I feel like putting bars on the windows but unfortunately my daughter really thinks this girl is awesome and yells at me about how unfair it is I won't allow her to hang out with her

Please help!
I'd really get involved, quick! Her providing any substances to your daughter is against the law. Maybe go down to the police station and talk to a cop about what can be done. You daughter is going to be mad at you...but that comes with having teenagers.

Let the other mom know the age difference isn't appropriate for a friendship (it isn't) and that you have told her she isn't allowed to hang out there any more.

I hope others have good advice. I just say, don't be afraid to be the bad guy.
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Old 02-18-2016, 02:58 PM
 
5,118 posts, read 627,739 times
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How is your relationship with your daughter?

If you can talk with her, "mature person to mature person" (I know that it is sometimes "impossible" at that age), I would calmly tell her what my concerns were, and bring up the fact that your concerns seem to be justified as it seems that your daughter's behavior has worsened since she became friends with the 21-year-old -- and see how she responds. If she becomes enraged with you, then I would just say that you hope she will make good decisions -- because the fact is that you CANNOT control your daughter or who she hangs with 100 percent of the time. However, that being said, I would make it as difficult for your daughter to hang out with the 21-year-old as you possibly can, and you should DEFINITELY issue consequences to your daughter for her bad behavior. (For example, stopping her allowance, if any, and not driving her anywhere she doesn't have to go.)

You do have my sincere sympathy, though -- you are almost certainly in for a rough time of it!
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Old 02-18-2016, 03:03 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 609,304 times
Reputation: 1730
OP - what an awkward situation


I would make it my business to communicate to those neighbours that you consider your Child to be A Child.


I once found out my son was drinking with his friends at an adults home just around the corner from me. My son was living with his dad so I found out accidentally. I took myself over to the house, knocked on the door, introduced myself and ever so gently advised her my son was a Child and I was not going to tolerate her allowing him to access alcohol on her premises.


I did it politely and nicely, but I did it.


Its against the law, if nothing else.


Also - whatever happened to Grounding? Do not pass go, do not go to the laundry or the neighbours house or anywhere else except home and school?
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Old 02-18-2016, 03:08 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I'd really get involved, quick! Her providing any substances to your daughter is against the law. Maybe go down to the police station and talk to a cop about what can be done. You daughter is going to be mad at you...but that comes with having teenagers.

Let the other mom know the age difference isn't appropriate for a friendship (it isn't) and that you have told her she isn't allowed to hang out there any more.

I hope others have good advice. I just say, don't be afraid to be the bad guy.
Of course you make great points and I have tried talking to her but as I said mother has been drunk or drinking and dismisses everything.

I can understand why daughter thinks it's great hanging around an adult dating adult things but why would a 21 year old want to hang around a 15 year old??
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Old 02-18-2016, 03:10 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,363 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
How is your relationship with your daughter?

If you can talk with her, "mature person to mature person" (I know that it is sometimes "impossible" at that age), I would calmly tell her what my concerns were, and bring up the fact that your concerns seem to be justified as it seems that your daughter's behavior has worsened since she became friends with the 21-year-old -- and see how she responds. If she becomes enraged with you, then I would just say that you hope she will make good decisions -- because the fact is that you CANNOT control your daughter or who she hangs with 100 percent of the time. However, that being said, I would make it as difficult for your daughter to hang out with the 21-year-old as you possibly can, and you should DEFINITELY issue consequences to your daughter for her bad behavior. (For example, stopping her allowance, if any, and not driving her anywhere she doesn't have to go.)

You do have my sincere sympathy, though -- you are almost certainly in for a rough time of it!
I have taken away allowance took away computer a tried having heart - to - heart talks with he but she has remained defiant. No doubt copying the attitude of this other girl.
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Old 02-18-2016, 03:14 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,363 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie Jean McGee View Post
OP - what an awkward situation


I would make it my business to communicate to those neighbours that you consider your Child to be A Child.


I once found out my son was drinking with his friends at an adults home just around the corner from me. My son was living with his dad so I found out accidentally. I took myself over to the house, knocked on the door, introduced myself and ever so gently advised her my son was a Child and I was not going to tolerate her allowing him to access alcohol on her premises.


I did it politely and nicely, but I did it.


Its against the law, if nothing else.


Also - whatever happened to Grounding? Do not pass go, do not go to the laundry or the neighbours house or anywhere else except home and school?
She is grounded but that doesn't stop her. One time this girl picked my daughter up from school and went to the mall. She eve bought her some clothes and stuff. It's REALLY weird to me. Why would she spend her own money on my daughter like that? Very bizaare!
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Old 02-18-2016, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,407 posts, read 16,038,110 times
Reputation: 18109
Have you called the police? Providing alcohol to a minor is a crime, as is providing marijuana to anyone in most states. I might advise this young woman and her mother that they BOTH will face charges when (not if) they continue to interact with your daughter with substances involved. Then the very next time your daughter sneaks out, call the cops.

If you haven't already spoken to the police about what can be done, I would do that yesterday.
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Old 02-18-2016, 04:04 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,524,223 times
Reputation: 23714
I would at least threaten the 21 year old with legal action. This is disturbing! Maybe get the 21 year old to not want to hang out with your daughter.

I don't know why a "normal" 21 year old would hang out with a 15 year old. Its...unusual.

When I was 18-21 I did sometimes "hang out" with younger kids in the apartment complex my mom lived in when I was visiting. It was the kind of place everyone kind of hung out together outside. It was low income ("the projects") housing...I guess the walls were so thin we all knew each other anyways. But it was limited to chatting on the porch, maybe giving a ride here and there (parent approved). I would have never, ever given drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc to anyone under age. Or even let them consume them around me. I tried to give advice so they could avoid the mistakes I made (they never did). They would try to get me to buy for them but I never did.
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Old 02-18-2016, 04:06 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 609,304 times
Reputation: 1730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelone43 View Post
She is grounded but that doesn't stop her. One time this girl picked my daughter up from school and went to the mall. She eve bought her some clothes and stuff. It's REALLY weird to me. Why would she spend her own money on my daughter like that? Very bizaare!
Itd be called grooming if a guy did it.


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