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Old 02-28-2016, 03:30 PM
459 posts, read 260,685 times
Reputation: 1697


I once saw a lady walking down the street in cold weather with a small child woefully underdressed for the weather. I stopped and asked them if they needed a ride somewhere. While we were driving I offered to take her to Goodwill, where I bought some warm clothes for the kid. I got them some donuts and warm drinks, too. I'm sure the mother was on speed or something. Not much in the stream of things, but I saw a need and wanted to help, like you.

Point is, maybe a direct offer of assistance would be welcomed. If not, all you have suffered is a rejection. Perhaps you have some hand-me-downs? You can just say that you were going to give them to Goodwill when you thought of how cute his daughter would look in them and wanted to give him first choice. Or think of something else that allows him to preserve his pride.
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Old 02-28-2016, 04:11 PM
383 posts, read 266,015 times
Reputation: 423
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
I don't think she should say anything to the Father either but (and maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way or something) I think talking to someone else about it is outrageous. As a parent I'm continuously shocked by what other people think is their business.
Just another perspective... My husband was abused as a child. He has often said that he wishes one person would have stepped in for him. No one ever did. So I completely get that too often people are gossipy and not really doing it to help, but if this is a situation where someone may need to step in, then that could make a difference in the life of this child. Maybe just a check in with the teacher/director would be a good thing. Not saying wearing warm weather clothes in the winter is automatic child abuse, but it could be a sign of things that are not so right.

Another option is to try to befriend that dad. Maybe he's a single dad, and really needs help.
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Old 02-28-2016, 04:55 PM
Location: South Carolina
13,119 posts, read 17,658,319 times
Reputation: 22465
well here is a thought maybe some of you who are concerned could gather up some clothes and give em to the family . maybe some other family member is paying for the tution of the school and they really don't have that much money to clothe themselves . What ever happened to compassion and understanding , don't assume because he drives a nice truck that it is his maybe his folks truck you never know . Just be kind and maybe get some clothes together and give them to the girl and her father .
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Old 02-28-2016, 05:18 PM
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
Reputation: 31051
It's almost March. The time to address this may have passed.
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Old 02-28-2016, 07:39 PM
Location: New York Area
13,430 posts, read 5,220,611 times
Reputation: 10769
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
I'm putting this in the Parenting forum because it has to do with a child and her father but if it needs to be moved let me know.

There is a little girl whom is at the same preschool that my daughter attends and the entire time that I've seen this child, she is rarely dressed appropriately, weather-wise and/or age-wise. The only parent I've ever see her with is her father and he himself is often not dressed for the weather, either. The other day I was walking my daughter in to the school and it was 39 degrees out with a strong, cold wind. This little girl was wearing a tiny pair of skintight shorts and an equally skintight t-shirt and sandals. The dad was also wearing shorts, as I've seen him do numerous times during the winter weather. When it was hot out, the girl would be in skimpy clothes that really appeared to be too small for her.

It really bothers me that this father isn't dressing his daughter appropriately, especially when it's so cold out. I know that it isn't my business but it just seems...wrong. A few of the other parents at the school have noticed the little girl, too, and have said things to one another and to me. They noticed it at a event that several of us were able to be volunteers at during school hours; it was another cold day and the girl was dressed as if it were summer.

The father doesn't appear to be destitute or anything like that. He drives a nice truck and the school is private and there is no financial aid available- so he's able to pay for the tuition. I'm also fully aware that things aren't always as they seem and he could be having a family member or friend paying for the tuition and may not be able to afford to buy his daughter appropriate clothing. On the other hand, I also feel that there really is no excuse in many instances to not at least have a jacket for a child, as people can easily go to garage sales or thrift stores and spend just a few dollars and get one.

I'm wondering if I should say something or just totally mind my own business? And if I should say something, who exactly should I talk to? The director of the school? The father? I don't want to embarrass anyone or cause trouble but this is a little girl we're talking about, only 4 or 5 years old.
One of my close friends mentioned that imperviousness to cold or heat is likely to be genetic. Maybe the cold just doesn't bother them.

My son's school in Vermont had a parents' weekend this past Friday and Saturday. Despite temperatures that most of the time were in the 30's or very low 40's I never wore a jacket. My wife and son were bundled up. It takes about 23 or lower to get me to put on warm clothing.

Is there any other sign this daughter isn't well-raised?
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Old 02-28-2016, 08:52 PM
Location: Fairbanks, AK
1,745 posts, read 2,274,625 times
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We live in Alaska. Our kids go out to recess unless it is colder then -20, appropriatly dressed of course. 39 is spring time weather for us. There are many reasons, as has been stated that the girl is coming to school dressed like this. If this is a single dad, he could be pretty clueless and just doing the best he can. I have had to pitch a fit sometimes to make my kids wear coats so I didn't look like a terrible mother lol. My kids don't want to wear coats unless it is really cold and even then, they only want to wear a light jacket. I would ask the school director or teacher and leave it at that.
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:33 PM
13,011 posts, read 12,456,279 times
Reputation: 37273
If it's below freezing and the kid still doesn't have a jacket, then you should say something. But I've known quite a few little kids who had no regard for the cold. Hell, I was one of them.

This is something that should be handled by the teacher. They're going to notice if the kid is distressed or covered in goosebumps or shivering. I'd let it go unless you see something else that gives you a legitimate reason for concern.
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:58 PM
Location: DFW/Texas
746 posts, read 625,941 times
Reputation: 2438
Thank you, everyone, and sorry this took so long. The school does have outdoor recess time so this girl is going to be playing outside as long as it's not raining. I don't think I'd feel comfortable talking to the father and if I did say anything I would talk to the director of the school.

I realize that the vast majority of people- myself included- don't want anyone outside of themselves and/or their spouses to be the ones to say anything about their own children. The mentality that "it takes a village to raise a child" has been long gone. All I am is concerned about this little girl and wondering if her father is just totally clueless or if they need some help. Figuring out how to go about it in a diplomatic and dignified manner is key for me.
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Old 02-28-2016, 11:01 PM
787 posts, read 573,748 times
Reputation: 2897

40-ish degrees is shorts and t-shirt weather where I come from. If she had on leggings and a long sleeved shirt, that's plenty. Some kids are nuclear-powered. Mine will surf for hours without wetsuits when the water is above 60. Little maniacs.
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Old 02-28-2016, 11:18 PM
Location: Alabama!
5,802 posts, read 15,489,049 times
Reputation: 4272
What hasn't been addressed is that the child is wearing skin-tight clothes at times. This isn't healthy for the child.
OP, I would bring up your concerns to the teacher. I suspect that she has probably already noted the inappropriateness and fit of her garments, but who knows - she might be second-guessing herself, too. If another parent shows concern, that might encourage her to address the issue with the father. She or a school counselor would be the correct person to do it.

In my grade school years, there was a quiet little girl in several of my classes over the years...I liked her, but she sometimes wasn't there, and sometimes she didn't wear a coat or wore the same outfit a couple or three times a week.
Fast forward 20 years, and I was calling classmates for our class reunion. She was on my list, and I was lucky enough to reach her. "Oh, I do remember you and your mother. She was wonderful. Did you know she gave me some of your dresses to wear? and I needed them. Our family was very poor. Nobody else helped us."
I was astounded. I had not a clue.
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