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Old 03-03-2016, 10:06 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,278,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
Thanks for pointing out the younger brother isn't the only one who matters.

I could see if he were younger, but a 17 year old knows the difference between right and wrong.

I would be happy to listen if someone wants to expound on why his past gives him free reign.
His past does not give him free reign. Only the co-dependent enablers think that this young couple should sacrifice their new beginnings for this kid because of his deadbeat mother.
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:17 AM
 
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There is a HUGE difference between enabling and having a bit of empathy and actually loving someone (as in demonstrating love/kindness).

No one said (as far as I saw) to let him get away with every negative behavior and just coast along because he had a hard life.

What the heck is wrong with having some understanding? What's so wrong about treating someone who has had a rough go of it with some kindness? He's not a little kid that will straighten up because you take his toys away. Learn how to make him want it... for himself! Not because if he doesn't want it (or pretend to want it), he's going to be abandoned by yet another person who is supposed to be there for him (according, probably, to his mind).

It doesn't work with him living there, fine. What assurance does he have that he will have help finding a place where he can be safe and not feel abandoned?
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:23 AM
 
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They have treated him with kindness and it was not reciprocated. He cuts school and rebels against discipline.

Isn't it past time for understanding?
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:28 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,278,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
There is a HUGE difference between enabling and having a bit of empathy and actually loving someone (as in demonstrating love/kindness).

No one said (as far as I saw) to let him get away with every negative behavior and just coast along because he had a hard life.

What the heck is wrong with having some understanding? What's so wrong about treating someone who has had a rough go of it with some kindness? He's not a little kid that will straighten up because you take his toys away. Learn how to make him want it... for himself! Not because if he doesn't want it (or pretend to want it), he's going to be abandoned by yet another person who is supposed to be there for him (according, probably, to his mind).

It doesn't work with him living there, fine. What assurance does he have that he will have help finding a place where he can be safe and not feel abandoned?
Clearly they have done that. When you treat someone kindly and they continue to treat you poorly, you are enabling their behavior if you continue to treat them with the same kindness.
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:29 AM
 
3,325 posts, read 3,262,707 times
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You need to get him into social services system, and fast. Unless you have guardianship papers, he is a child without a guardian. He needs to be taken by the state NOW, before he ages out. He will get Medicaid, foster care, counseling, and will qualify for transitional help even past 18. Wait til he is 18 and he gets nothing from the state, plus you have to evict him. Call DSS now and tell them they have to take him.
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:56 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,278,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
You need to get him into social services system, and fast. Unless you have guardianship papers, he is a child without a guardian. He needs to be taken by the state NOW, before he ages out. He will get Medicaid, foster care, counseling, and will qualify for transitional help even past 18. Wait til he is 18 and he gets nothing from the state, plus you have to evict him. Call DSS now and tell them they have to take him.
This ^

Forget everything else and do the above.
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Old 03-03-2016, 12:16 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,662,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
Can you get him into a military school on scholarship?
Absolutely not. The service Academies are harder to get into than an Ivy. It takes top grades, fitness, extra curriculars and secure a nomination.

Quote:
You must obtain a nomination in order to compete for admission to West Point, and you should apply for all nominations for which you are eligible during the spring of your junior year. At a minimum, candidates are eligible for a congressional nomination from their representative in Congress, their two U.S. senators, and the vice president of the United States.
My husband knew by freshman year he wanted to go to West Point and worked towards that, made sure he did activities to stand out, good grades and Athletics as well as volunteer work.

You don't just apply to a service academy on a whim.
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Old 03-03-2016, 12:33 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Clearly they have done that. When you treat someone kindly and they continue to treat you poorly, you are enabling their behavior if you continue to treat them with the same kindness.
I think they did their best, but fell far short of actually meeting his needs...so no, they didn't just treat him kindly and have him continue to treat them badly. He needs more/different then the standard parenting methods passed down in generations like tough love and rules and a whole lot of "should" and "shouldn't" phrased around his life. He is a very hurting child.
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Old 03-03-2016, 12:41 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,278,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I think they did their best, but fell far short of actually meeting his needs...so no, they didn't just treat him kindly and have him continue to treat them badly. He needs more/different then the standard parenting methods passed down in generations like tough love and rules and a whole lot of "should" and "shouldn't" phrased around his life. He is a very hurting child.
They are not his parents. They are a young married couple not equipped to deal with a kid with these kinds of emotional issues. Keeping him with them is doing no one any favors, including the younger brother.
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Old 03-03-2016, 12:52 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
They are not his parents. They are a young married couple not equipped to deal with a kid with these kinds of emotional issues. Keeping him with them is doing no one any favors, including the younger brother.
What magical place do you live that DFS has some place better for him to go? He will be sent to a group home, most likely, which is more like juvy then a home. He won't get all these magical services or special counseling. I don't know where people live that these things even exist. He will be a number in a long list of kids they are trying to age out of the system.

Military doesn't take delinquents.
They can't afford boarding school
They can't afford a behavioral boarding school (and it doesn't sound like he needs one)
They can't find other family to take him

So what...they kick him out on the streets?
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