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Old 02-13-2008, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Weston, FL and Vero Beach, Fl
2,945 posts, read 11,939,494 times
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Thank you notes are not old fashioned. While an email suffices in today's world - I still prefer the former.
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Old 02-14-2008, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Texas
690 posts, read 2,354,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I think as long as they convey their thanks in some way, most people are ok with that. Written note, phone call, e-mail-it's the recognition and showing appreciation for the kind act that people are hoping for-I think anyway. I've never really heard anybody complain, "Oh little johnny just SAID thank you, he didn't write it."
I completely agree. My daughter doesn't send thank you notes - she calls and talks to the gift-giver, and everyone we know who has received one of these "thank you calls" has told us how much nicer it is to receive a phone call than a note in the mail.

To each their own.
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Old 02-15-2008, 02:06 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,033,425 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MSJones View Post
I completely agree. My daughter doesn't send thank you notes - she calls and talks to the gift-giver, and everyone we know who has received one of these "thank you calls" has told us how much nicer it is to receive a phone call than a note in the mail.

To each their own.
I think that's perfectly fine, too.

At the very least IMO, people - children & adults - should acknowledge a gift whether by written note, email or phone call. It's just the proper and gracious thing to do.
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Old 02-15-2008, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,808,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I think as long as they convey their thanks in some way, most people are ok with that. Written note, phone call, e-mail-it's the recognition and showing appreciation for the kind act that people are hoping for-I think anyway. I've never really heard anybody complain, "Oh little johnny just SAID thank you, he didn't write it."
LOL ~ I totally agree with this. I think the OP was maybe trying to find out if thank you notes are still in style these days.
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Old 02-15-2008, 03:17 PM
 
471 posts, read 1,347,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crew Chief View Post
My sister has two sons, both in high school. When they were too young to write, we sent them gifts for every occasion. Once they were old enough to write, we told my sister that we'd like to get thank-you notes from her kids to stay in touch. She told us that thank-you notes were no longer in fashion. We told her that they, indeed, still were. So we stopped sending gifts...To this day, we rarely hear anything from them unless my sister calls.

Any advice, comments?
Letting people know you appreciate them in any fashion (a letter, an email, by phone or in person) is important. And not just for receiving gifts.

It's always been important to me to say thank you, let people know I appreciate them, including sending thank you notes. And I've taught my son to do the same. When he was little, I would write his words. Once he began to write, he wrote his own. He is still in elementary school, and doesnt need to be forced to do it, just reminded/encouraged.

But, I don't think it's polite to expect or request thank you notes.

You should give for the sake of giving.

Sure, adults and children should be grateful and show appreciation. But worse than not writing a thank you note, I think, is allowing a rift to grow between family members because of it.

Strong family relationships should be the real goal, and sometimes we just have to overlook another's weakness, so they'll overlook our own.
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Old 02-15-2008, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Utah
1,455 posts, read 3,495,311 times
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Quote:
Letting people know you appreciate them in any fashion (a letter, an email, by phone or in person) is important. And not just for receiving gifts.

It's always been important to me to say thank you, let people know I appreciate them, including sending thank you notes. And I've taught my son to do the same. When he was little, I would write his words. Once he began to write, he wrote his own. He is still in elementary school, and doesnt need to be forced to do it, just reminded/encouraged.

But, I don't think it's polite to expect or request thank you notes.

You should give for the sake of giving.

Sure, adults and children should be grateful and show appreciation. But worse than not writing a thank you note, I think, is allowing a rift to grow between family members because of it.

Strong family relationships should be the real goal, and sometimes we just have to overlook another's weakness, so they'll overlook our own.
I especially agree with you about giving for the sake of giving. If you're figuring that you aren't going to get a TY card/call, you are going to be annoyed when you are proved right. And really don't we give because we want someone to know that we care? Same reason we send a TY card, we want them to know that we care!
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Old 12-07-2012, 10:49 AM
 
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This issue has been bugging me for some time so I decided to see how other people felt about thank you notes. I'm a step grandmother to 4 kids and grandmother to 1. My husband and I have lived in another state since these kids were born, so I made a regular effort to stay in touch by always sending for b'days and Christmas well-chosen gifts of clothing as well as savings bonds when we both worked, Valentine's and Halloween cards, etc. Occasionally, I would hear a comment from one of the parents that indicated the kids really liked the clothes. Except for 1 mom who helped with a few notes from her toddler kids (and that has long since ended) I do not get any form of thank you from anyone. By the way, my husband never remembers when the grandkids' birthdays occur and would probably just send a check at Christmas time. He's blase about social courtesies and needed coaxing to formally thank family members who gifted him on his latest, significant birthday so I can't get much feedback from him on this sticky wicket thank you business.

At one point I composed a letter that was never sent basicallly saying "if I don't receive some communication that you've received this gift I will stop sending them", then reconsidered because I didn't want to damage relationships. But, part of me still feels I'm being held hostage by that fear. The most telling occasion was this past summer when I gave my granddaughter her birthday outfit in person, she wore it the next day, I complimented her on it and asked her who gave it to her and she couldn't tell me! What??? She's 11 so I can still partly blame the parents, but there's no such pass for the older ones.

I always send a thank you note to of them for any gift they give me thinking it might indicate that this is the usual courtesy. Subtlety is wasted. That not-sent letter keeps rewriting itself in my head especially as I purchase, wrap, and get ready to mail the Christmas booty.
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Old 12-07-2012, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,075 posts, read 37,716,477 times
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Sounds like the apples (grandkids) didn't fall very far from the tree (your husband).

Thank God you did not send that letter. It would be the epitome of bad manners to do that.

Gifts are just that: gifts. It's something you willingly give someone without expectation of "payment" in return. Supposedly you are sending these kids a gift because they mean something to you. Do you really want to stop that because they haven't lived up to a rule you may never exactly have told them about?

I do believe that thank-you notes are VERY important. However, if you tell your stepkids and grandkids what you've posted here, the most you will accomplish is you that you might receive a thank you note for the next couple of years that was probably written out of guilt. "Kids, get over here and write Granny's thank-you note or she'll stop sending you stuff. You know how she is about that!"

You could say you would love to receive a photo of XX child wearing the outfit or holding the gift. But I'm not sure I would do even that. I don't even know what to say about the child who didn't remember that you personally handed her something the day before.

It would definitely make things very awkward between you and them.

In this case, I think your best bet is to model good behavior, praise their good manners when you see them using them, and send them gifts out of proper motivation.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 12-07-2012 at 12:05 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,382,457 times
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Here's my two cents.
It's not old fashioned to thank people, writing letters is old fashioned.

I call people and hop on Skype with family.

Trust me it makes my grandmothers days to see and hear me on Skype than it does to get a letter.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,490 posts, read 15,932,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crew Chief View Post
When my sister and I were growing up (we're now in our 50's) our parents made us write thank-you notes to our relatives whenever we were sent presents (Christmas, birthdays, etc.) We even were made to write an occasional letter to say "hello". My sister has two sons, both in high school. When they were too young to write, we sent them gifts for every occasion. Once they were old enough to write, we told my sister that we'd like to get thank-you notes from her kids to stay in touch. She told us that thank-you notes were no longer in fashion. We told her that they, indeed, still were. So we stopped sending gifts. (I guess my sister and I are both stubborn...) To this day, we rarely hear anything from them unless my sister calls. I've talked to the older son on the phone a few times, but we hardly know our two nephews. I feel sad about that. My sister is Born-Again, we're not. That's no problem for us, but sometimes we feel like she is afraid we'll "brainwash" her kids. (We feel that it is not our business to discuss religion with our nephews)

Any advice, comments?
First, thank you notes should be still in fashion.

The difficulties with your sister may have started with thank you notes but they are probably more due to your religious differences.

It is a shame that you lost contact with each other. Perhaps, you should try again.
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