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I always have my kids write thank you notes. The grandparents and other relatives love them. I love the idea on this board by one poster of having them take some time each month and write a letter to someone in the family. Good idea and I may implement this.
At the end of the year or holiday season, I usually give all the teachers, bus drivers, mail lady a little gift like I'm sure most of you do. I always get a nice handwritten note back for that. The thank you's from the teachers are either mailed to the house addressed to my children or given to them at school. My kids love getting them and it helps set a good example.
I agree that written thank you notes are the best. However, as long as you thank the person in some way for the gift it is acceptable.
The problem is sending a wedding gift, birthday or holiday gift and never hearing back at all from the person. I've read on C-D where grandparents have been forced to attach USPS "return receipt" attachments on packages just to make sure that it arrived at their grandchildren's home and wasn't lost in the mail. I've also read about wedding guests writing checks so that the cancelled check is proof that the wedding gift was actually received.
What happened to manners?
Yes! I didn't grow up writing thank you notes, but we always called to acknowledge a gift. I'm actually a bit ticked right now. We attended a huge first birthday party in early October that probably had about 80 people. The gift table had more gifts than I did at my wedding! lol Thankfully, they didn't open them then, but I haven't heard a thing. No email, call, text, Facebook message. Nothing. And I've talked to the mom several times since then. I don't need to hear anyone gush over my gift - I just want to make sure they got it and they know I didn't show up emptyhanded. If they had opened the gifts right there, a verbal thanks would have been plenty. I don't need a note written on beige Crane paper to be satisfied, but I do think it's rude not to say anything at all!
I'm teaching my kids about writing thank you notes. They are 5, 4 and 18 months, and I sit the older two down and have them sign the notes I send after birthday parties and Christmas. I think it's important. I think it's a last bit of old fashioned civility, so much of which has been lost in the digital age.
I'm teaching my kids about writing thank you notes. They are 5, 4 and 18 months, and I sit the older two down and have them sign the notes I send after birthday parties and Christmas. I think it's important. I think it's a last bit of old fashioned civility, so much of which has been lost in the digital age.
V. =)
It hasn't been lost. Its just like anything else, its transformed.
No one says oh look at that good ole horse and carriage and no one complains about cars even though they cause deaths(dui, accidents, etc) and pollution.
People used to write notes because it was all they had, the digital age hasn't TAKEN from us it has GIVEN to us.
Instead of sending a note, people can now facetime, skype, etc those people and SEE them, HEAR them, a much closer experience than a note.
My grandmother once watched us open presents via webcam one year, she got to SEE us experience christmas and being 1,000+ miles away had to mean so much more to her than just a card.
I may not be able to see my grandmother IN PERSON often but thanks to the internet I can see and hear her over skype, something that definately means a lot to me and probably means a lot to her. This is something neither of us could have if the digital age hadn't made it possible.
It hasn't been lost. Its just like anything else, its transformed.
Actually, it hasn't transformed. More options are now available. Big difference.
As always, people should do what's most appreciated by their own family. If that's a card in the mail, Skype or anything else, so be it. No one has to conform to anyone else's preferences with regard to thank you notes or anything else.
Phone calls and/or emails are fully acceptable. Its the communications of the day.
Also, I read that you were called and left a message, yet YOU'RE offended that they never called back. That is rude.....on YOUR part! If someone calls and leaves a message the ball is in YOUR court.
It's just total and erroneous B.S. that "writing letters is old fashioned."
Nonsense.
If a grandparent gives you a gift, you write them a thank you letter.
End of story.
It's ridiculous to give advice like, "Hey, text 'em...!" or "Man, Skype 'em!"
Old folks haven't a clue how to do either. They want snailmail letter. To say it's "old fashioned" is unbelievably clueless and selfish. If you feel this way, don't accept or solicit presents from people over 60, most of whom wouldn't know what texting or Skype is. That's your reality, not theirs.
Old people aren't stupid people. A lot understand computers and they ALL know the phone.
Remember, we're talking about GIFTS. A gift is given from the heart with no expectation. All I have heard is how gifts were discontinued when expectations weren't fulfilled. That is not a gift, its a bribe/payment.
It's just total and erroneous B.S. that "writing letters is old fashioned."
Nonsense.
If a grandparent gives you a gift, you write them a thank you letter.
End of story.
It's ridiculous to give advice like, "Hey, text 'em...!" or "Man, Skype 'em!"
Old folks haven't a clue how to do either. They want snailmail letter. To say it's "old fashioned" is unbelievably clueless and selfish. If you feel this way, don't accept or solicit presents from people over 60, most of whom wouldn't know what texting or Skype is. That's your reality, not theirs.
Thank you notes and etiquette aside....you think over 60 is the line over which people are "old folks" who don't know what texting or email is or how it works? Wow...you do realize that many many people over 60 are working full time, utilizing email, smartphones, skype etc?
ETA Back on topic...Thank you's are important but I also think it depends on the situation as to how those thank you's are extended. As others have said, a formal occasion calls for a formal (hand written, and posted) note. I love receiving real mail. I think there is something special about reading a handwritten note.
Last edited by maciesmom; 12-12-2012 at 08:14 PM..
I've been rereading this thread and the vast majority of people here are saying that children and adults that receivea gift should say "Thank You" in some way. Now, there is disagreement whether a verbal thank you is OK or if it needs to written, or if email or Skype is fine, however almost everyone agrees that a gift needs to be acknowleged.
As I think of other threads the big problem is when a gift is not acknowleged in any way. Both in real life and on C-D I have known or read about people who were genuinely hurt when they did not receive a thank you for a wedding gift. Or an aunt or uncle who sent gift after gift to nieces & nephews and never once heard if the gifts even arrived at the child's house. Or grandparents who mailed generous gifts for HS or college graduations and never received even a token thank you. It was here on C-D (I think) where i heard about people giving checks for gifts so that they at least knew that the check arrived because someone signed it and also about the person who was forced to send gift packages with return receipt requested through the post office because they never even knew if the presents even arrived because no one ever commented on them let alone said thank you. How sad.
Let's agree to disagree on what is the best way to deliver thanks and just agree that thanks always needs to be given in some manner.
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