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I think thank you notes are nice, but I really don't like gifts that come with a "condition." If I am able to express my thank you to the person directly, over the phone, email, or by whatever other means, as long as it's genuine I think it's rather petty for a person to be upset that they didn't get a handwritten thank you. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see why it matters so much.
When I was in college, I had an uncle who sent me some money. I called him to let him know that I got it and thank you very much. Later, my mother informed me he was upset that he hadn't gotten a card thanking him. I thought me calling him was thanking him enough, a card never occurred to me. So I did send it about three weeks after the money was sent. To this day he is still bitter that it took me three weeks to send a thank you card. I rather people with conditional gifts let the conditions be known up front, or just don't bother at all. It is ridiculous to give a gift, then get mad because the person doesn't respond the way you want. When I give to anyone, I do it because I want to do something for that person. Not because I expect anything in return. A spoken thank you and seeing a loved one happy is enough.
Saying a proper thank you is not about how fast you can do it. The actual time it takes to sit down and write thank you notes is a part of it.
I agree that written thank you notes are the best. However, as long as you thank the person in some way for the gift it is acceptable.
The problem is sending a wedding gift, birthday or holiday gift and never hearing back at all from the person. I've read on C-D where grandparents have been forced to attach USPS "return receipt" attachments on packages just to make sure that it arrived at their grandchildren's home and wasn't lost in the mail. I've also read about wedding guests writing checks so that the cancelled check is proof that the wedding gift was actually received.
To this day he is still bitter that it took me three weeks to send a thank you card.
Some of that may be his age and his background. When I was growing up we were taught to do both because it's what the grandparents and older relatives expected.
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