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Old 03-10-2016, 01:12 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,283,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post

You need to let her go. She's an adult. Her wings have grown and she's flying from the coop. This is a GOOD thing.
It's only a good thing if she is paying her own bills.
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Old 03-10-2016, 01:14 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,283,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
No NO No! The daughter is an ADULT! Mommy's do NOT belong calling colleges to make sure their little snowflake are attending classes and getting decent grades. The college, by law, canNOT release that info to anyone unless a court order is issued or the student signed the papers and said mommy can check. I don't know anyone who did that. She's getting ready to graduate so clearly she attended classes and passed them!

I have military members in my family. We can go for months without hearing from them depending on what they are assigned to. When they are working on base, communication is much more frequent.

When one of my cousins was in Iraq, we had no idea what country he was in or what his mission was. He was not allowed to tell anyone. He was gone for 9 months. We would email each other periodically. I just wanted to make sure he was ok and that he knew we were thinking about him. I sent him care packages. He said those were far better than phone calls......easier to handle. He knew he was missed and he got a piece of home.
I think in this case mommy is paying the bills. When the daughter pays her own bills is when mommy belongs out of her business.

Your family was not footing the bill for your cousin to be in the military. You cousin was an independent adult earning his own way.
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Old 03-10-2016, 01:16 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,283,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Sounds like we're related! My mother pulled this nonsense when I was in college. I ended up moving out and living with my grandparents. Her own mother told her to cut the crap. I was a full time college student who had a full time job. I was beyond responsible. I was doing things my own mother never did. I paid my way through life since I was 16.

The controlling issues really never go away. The resentment is buried deep. If parents treat their kids this way when they need them, then why bother with them? Seriously. The whole giving birth to you nonsense doesn't hold water either. Not one of us asked to be born.

I can honestly see why your husband has written off his family. They wrote him off when he needed them most. Why wouldn't one reciprocate that?
You had a job and were paying your bills.

This girl should be like you were. She should be paying her way. Then she will have the right to do whatever she chooses.
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Old 03-10-2016, 01:18 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,283,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
No, there's a federal law called FERPA. Parents are NOT allowed to see the academic records of a student over 18 years old. Doesn't matter who is paying the bills.

What FERPA Means for You and Your College Student | College Parents of America\
Simple solution. ADULT daughter gets records an forwards records to mom. If daughter will not do that, funding of college, cell phone, and lifestyle stop immediately.
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Old 03-10-2016, 01:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Daughters who are abandoned by their fathers will ALWAYS want their daddy! .

I think there are probably 100's of thousand of women (many of whom have been through therapy), who have come to the realization that only scumbag dads who are not worth their time will abandon their daughters, will disagree with you on this.
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Old 03-10-2016, 01:32 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,283,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Sounds like we're related! My mother pulled this nonsense when I was in college. I ended up moving out and living with my grandparents. Her own mother told her to cut the crap. I was a full time college student who had a full time job. I was beyond responsible. I was doing things my own mother never did. I paid my way through life since I was 16.
Something doesn't add up here. You paid your way through life since you were 16, but you moved in with your grandparents in college?

Did your mother charge you rent while you were living with her? Did your grandparent charge you rent? Did you buy all your own food when you were living with your mom and then your grandparents? If the answer to any of these is no, that is not paying your own way.
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Old 03-10-2016, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,501 posts, read 15,961,355 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
No NO No! The daughter is an ADULT! Mommy's do NOT belong calling colleges to make sure their little snowflake are attending classes and getting decent grades. The college, by law, canNOT release that info to anyone unless a court order is issued or the student signed the papers and said mommy can check. I don't know anyone who did that. She's getting ready to graduate so clearly she attended classes and passed them! .

Well, maybe yes and maybe no, a parent doesn't know that for sure.

The daughter of a dear friend dropped out of college second semester of her senior year and lied to her parents about attending school & graduating. And, since it was an out of state college and the daughter said that she did not want to attend commencement her parents never even knew for several years that she did not graduate.

And, yes the parents were paying almost all of her college expenses. Of course, it was a different situation because the daughter talked to her parents on the phone or emailed them several times a week ---- she just was not honest about dropping out of college.
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
1,470 posts, read 1,560,832 times
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Let her be independent. My parents couldn't have cared less about me during those "college years," but I was in the army instead.
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,068,622 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
LOL...you just said your mother pulled the same thing when you were in college(stopped paying for it) now you say you were on your own since 16? Which one is the truth? Can't be both.


If the parent is paying for college, they have a right to know what is going on with their kid. Never mind academic records, you can find out if they're going to classes or partying every night. I can't think of more wasteful way to spend money if they're goofing off. The idea of spending the big bucks is seeing a return on your investment. Not find out they slept till noon and never went to class, after $20K was just spent.

When I was in college two girls did get arrested for shoplifting, both from out of state. Guess who they called?

Point is, when they run into trouble they know who to call, it would behoove them to keep in contact when things area going good. A call once a week isn't too much to ask.
My parents tried taking my car away from me when I was college because I wasn't doing whatever they wanted. Never mind that I was a full time college student taking 18 credits and worked a full time job. Yes, I've financially been paying for myself since I was 16. That car was registered to my parents as a control mechanism. I had my own insurance policy. I was not on their policy. It was wonderful paying over $3K a year just in car insurance at 18 years old. That was my birthday present the day I turned 18 - to be kicked off their policy. I paid my portion of their bill prior to that.

No, parents don't have a right to know what their college kids are doing. They're ADULTS. If parents can't handle what their children may or may not be doing, then don't pay for their education.

I know several successful people who slept until noon. They took afternoon and evening classes. They weren't morning people so they didn't take 8 am classes.

Like I said, I don't know anyone who was arrested in college. We obviously run in different crowds. And many parents won't bail their children out. Mine always said they wouldn't bail me out. I also knew I was far safer in a jail cell.
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,068,622 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
You had a job and were paying your bills.

This girl should be like you were. She should be paying her way. Then she will have the right to do whatever she chooses.
No one ever said this girl works or doesn't work. The OP hasn't mentioned that. The OP also made her daughter dependent on her for tuition and phone.
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