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Old 03-09-2016, 09:40 PM
 
2,636 posts, read 1,973,731 times
Reputation: 4617

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What is the point in your kid having a phone if you are going to be looking over his shoulder the whole time he has it? My kid has a phone so I can call him. It is a smart phone because it was cheaper. I do allow him out of the house with it. Otherwise it would be pointless.

Lot's of very odd advice in this thread.

A horde of stupid responses which ignore the elephant in the room.

Fine. Send your kid out alone in a city park at dusk, all alone, with guys cruising the woods dope dealers plying their trade, and johns circling the place for action. Why not? I suppose you would.


Consumer cellular has service for under $20 a month. Just a telephone. Good enough if keeping in contact with your kid is like sooo important. (why, in your case, I have no idea).


And btw, where is he that you can't get a hold of him? I mean like, where? Just loose?
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Old 03-09-2016, 10:57 PM
 
28,206 posts, read 20,942,273 times
Reputation: 16601
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
What in heaven's name is a 13 year old doing with an iphone in his possession without a parent right there? An iphone is a sex toy. I got an I phone for one reason: to hook up with horny available (often married) chicks that I could meet up with on my way home from work. I have absolutely no other use for the thing. And yes...it works!


I'm sure NAMBLA has already contacted him. They love 13 year old boys.


Too much money, too much fertility, and not enough common sense is the real issue here - and that part has nothing to do with the kid. Sheesh.
Oh give me a ****ing break. Maybe for YOU, a smartphone is a sex toy but there are many of us who use our smart phones for many other things that have nothing to do with getting laid.
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Old 03-10-2016, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Florida
6,114 posts, read 2,848,913 times
Reputation: 7404
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
What in heaven's name is a 13 year old doing with an iphone in his possession without a parent right there? An iphone is a sex toy. I got an I phone for one reason: to hook up with horny available (often married) chicks that I could meet up with on my way home from work. I have absolutely no other use for the thing. And yes...it works!


I'm sure NAMBLA has already contacted him. They love 13 year old boys.


Too much money, too much fertility, and not enough common sense is the real issue here - and that part has nothing to do with the kid. Sheesh.
Just because you use a I-Phone for your horny reasons doesn't mean you can equate a 13 year old using one for the same reason.

NAMBLA? really?
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Old 03-10-2016, 07:00 AM
 
5,128 posts, read 5,910,602 times
Reputation: 8396
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopLV View Post

This also isn't true. You can google the Ron White video "everyone is a little bit gay." Or you can take the scholarly route and learn about the Kinsey scale.

I'm of the opinion that nobody is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Not me. Not you. Not anyone. 95% gay or straight? Sure. 98% gay or straight. OK, I'm still on board. But 100%? That's laughably illogical.

But so as to quit preaching and try to help OP:

1) Attraction IS orientation. By the age of 13, he knows what turns him on. And what turns him on isn't women -- don't try to force the issue. Don't assume that it's a phase that he'll grow out of. Don't make a big deal out of it at all. In fact, don't even hold out hope that he'll "snap out of it." (He may, since sexuality is fluid. But hoping for an outcome isn't going to help.)The majority of humans aren't totally heterosexual -- 60% of us have some kind of same-sex attraction, whether acted on or not, vs. 40% with no compelling same-sex attraction.

2) STDs. Have that talk ASAP. You personally may want to learn more about STDs in the gay community. It's not just HIV. No matter how he turns out in regard to orientation, he's obviously keenly interested in sex. The porn is just a symptom of that -- not the cause.

And I disagree with the anti-porn brigade on this thread. Ban it from his phone and he'll just get it on a thumb drive thanks to friends with more permissive parents. There's no way a sexually-active teen boy can't get his hands on pornography if that's what he wants. You may as well try to sweep a rising tide away with a broom.

Instead, I would have a talk about how porn isn't a realistic depiction of a relationship and leave it at that.
I agree with everything you said (well done), except the attraction stuff at age 13.

David Bowie told an interviewer in his early days that he was gay, then he said bisexual, but all his significant relationships were with women.

Years later, he said he had been wrong and gradually realized he was a closet heterosexual. Ha.

He had been attracted to the gay community when he was young because at the time, their clubs had better music and they looked amazing. He also said he was curious about everything in life and wanted to try everything.

It was only after years of trying things with both sexes that he realized that only women were truly fulfilling for him.

It is possible that this 13 year old is more attracted to males and that it will hold true for his whole life. But since he said he doesn't know, then maybe he really doesn't know! It's impossible to say whether it's curiosity or a settled thing. He'll figure it out eventually.
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Old 03-10-2016, 07:29 AM
 
3,637 posts, read 2,729,950 times
Reputation: 4300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slowpoke_TX View Post
People fall into one of thre categories: heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. There is no spectrum, no gray areas in between those categories.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopLV View Post
100% false.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slowpoke_TX View Post
100% true.
Those who are attracted to people of their same sex are homosexual.
Those who are attracted to people of the opposite sex are heterosexual.
Those who are attracted to people of both sexes are bisexual.
You forgot for example - asexuals. They fit into NONE of your categories.

You forgot for example - paedophiles. Many of whom are often attracted to children - regardless of sex. They do not fall into the category "bi-sexual" because it is often entirely independent of the sex of the child - it is just that it _is_ a child.

There are many other categories but ONE is enough to prove your claim false so I will not go on all day with examples.

Further as ScoopLV pointed out to you - sexuality is not fixed for life either. For some people it is fluid and changes over time. I understand the compulsion people have to try and fit the world into neat little boxes and labels. It simplifies things. But not everyone and everything fits those boxes.

There is also a spectrum for many. My own relationship is an example of this. I am the M in an MFF relationship. The two women in my relationship are sexually active with each other. If you ask them however they identify as straight.

They have _no_ sexual attraction or intention or desires towards ANY other girls or women in. Just each other. So they do not really fit into the bi-sexual category. But you could not claim 100% heterosexuality either - which they prove every time they fall into bed with each other alone or with me.

Human sexuality is massively complex. It would be nice to fit it into 2 or 3 little boxes to make it easier to parse. It is not always so clear cut however - no matter how emotionally attached to those boxes ones might be.

As for Gay Porn there are people who are into the _idea_ of homosexual sex - but not actually engaging in it themselves. They are every bit actively straight in reality - but in their fantasy there is homosexuality. And sometimes those fantasies are not even about homosexuality but other things they are aroused by - such as submission and domination - the idea of submitting sexually to someone you do not want to have sex with (such as someone of your own sex). And so on and so forth.

There are all kinds of complexities there and neat little boxes simply do not realistically encompass all of it.
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Old 03-10-2016, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Sunrise
10,868 posts, read 14,365,043 times
Reputation: 9018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars View Post

Years later, he said he had been wrong and gradually realized he was a closet heterosexual. Ha.

Absolutely. Sexuality is fluid. I never said that people don't change. Only that sexuality can be fluid over one's lifetime. (And often it isn't. We're a complicated bunch of monkeys.) To boil this thread down to it's core:

1) At this point in time, we have a kid who is turned on by same-sex pornography. Attraction is orientation. (The world is absolutely filled with confused/depressed people who are attracted to their own sex but have relationships with the opposite sex so that they can "fit in" in society. But that doesn't make them heterosexual.)

2) We also have an obviously well-meaning but uninformed mother. She seems to just want to know what to do.

3) Finally, we have the usual assortment of "the faithful" who demand that everyone fits in their small-minded little boxes. These people need to go away. OP, don't listen to them. You don't want to break something that you cannot fix -- like your relationship with your son.


EDIT -- A final thought: We're going to see a lot more of these sort of questions in the very near future. All the various permutations that are labeled as "*****" [begins with q and rhymes with "beer"] are not the societal scarlet letter that they once were. We're making real progress towards Dr. King's goal of judging people by the content of their character, instead of crude metrics such as skin color or sexual orientation.

People, in general, do what is in their self interest. In the 1950s, any ***** kid knew that coming out meant the complete end of life as he or she knew it. In the 1970s, it was still a societal taboo. By the 1990s, it was somewhat tolerated. And today, we've progressed a fair bit towards sexuality being irrelevant (except to ourselves and whatever partners we choose). This is where the Millennials are a much better generation than their elders. I guarantee that the bulk of the ignorant comments on this thread come mostly from Boomers and some from Gen-Xers. Millennials -- as a group -- simply don't care. So we have a generation which is far better adjusted than their parents and grandparents. There will be friction, of course. But since people in general do what is in their self interest, the older generations are going to have to get with the program if they want to continue to have a relationship with their kids/grandkids.

Last edited by ScoopLV; 03-10-2016 at 08:56 AM..
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Old 03-10-2016, 09:04 AM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,203,542 times
Reputation: 5547
Oh lord....
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Old 03-10-2016, 09:33 AM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,356,749 times
Reputation: 17214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th View Post
Why not try to change his obvious uncertainty. He has no idea what gay is, especially the physical part. Being Gay at that age is a fad to be cool, accepted. He just knows he loves boys, like he loves cars, music etc etc.
Once he gets some women in the sack, it will reassure him he is not gay and just scared..
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Old 03-10-2016, 09:42 AM
 
649 posts, read 654,943 times
Reputation: 973
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxiegal View Post
Allow him his curiosity. Give him his space..within reason. He is 13, and budding sexuality.
My daughter is a lesbian. I have not told her grandfather though, as he has expressed bigotry? towards that idea. He is 90 though. A whole different generation.
Ask him if he would be comfortable talking to a counselor about this. He may just be plain old curious.
At least your son accepts the fact that you, as his mom, needs to be aware of his phone and internet history.

I think that it is wrong for excusing elderly people for things that we would not excuse in younger ones. Everyone should be held to the same standards. I am tired of hearing elderly people being excused for anti-Semitism/racism and now this.
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Old 03-10-2016, 09:58 AM
 
649 posts, read 654,943 times
Reputation: 973
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
You forgot for example - asexuals. They fit into NONE of your categories.

You forgot for example - paedophiles. Many of whom are often attracted to children - regardless of sex. They do not fall into the category "bi-sexual" because it is often entirely independent of the sex of the child - it is just that it _is_ a child.

There are many other categories but ONE is enough to prove your claim false so I will not go on all day with examples.

Further as ScoopLV pointed out to you - sexuality is not fixed for life either. For some people it is fluid and changes over time. I understand the compulsion people have to try and fit the world into neat little boxes and labels. It simplifies things. But not everyone and everything fits those boxes.

There is also a spectrum for many. My own relationship is an example of this. I am the M in an MFF relationship. The two women in my relationship are sexually active with each other. If you ask them however they identify as straight.

They have _no_ sexual attraction or intention or desires towards ANY other girls or women in. Just each other. So they do not really fit into the bi-sexual category. But you could not claim 100% heterosexuality either - which they prove every time they fall into bed with each other alone or with me.


Human sexuality is massively complex. It would be nice to fit it into 2 or 3 little boxes to make it easier to parse. It is not always so clear cut however - no matter how emotionally attached to those boxes ones might be.

As for Gay Porn there are people who are into the _idea_ of homosexual sex - but not actually engaging in it themselves. They are every bit actively straight in reality - but in their fantasy there is homosexuality. And sometimes those fantasies are not even about homosexuality but other things they are aroused by - such as submission and domination - the idea of submitting sexually to someone you do not want to have sex with (such as someone of your own sex). And so on and so forth.

There are all kinds of complexities there and neat little boxes simply do not realistically encompass all of it.

People cannot make up their own definitions! You cannot be in a sexual relationship with a woman and call yourself straight! Just because they are not attracted to other females does not mean that they are straight. That makes no sense. I am not attracted to most men (or ANY woman) but I am married to a man and attracted to him. That makes me straight.

In medicine, we use the term MSM to describe Men who have Sex with Men. This was needed because gay/bisexual men refused to self-identify correctly and were not receiving the medical care that they need. There is a hugh difference between a man who is straight and an MSM in terms of medical risks of cancer and infection. It does not matter if the person will self-identify as straight. They are not straight. Just an example.

As far as the OP's question, children should not be viewing any form of porn- straight or gay. His sexuality is a different subject. At 13, he definitely knows that he is homosexual enough to look for multiple homosexual websites to view gay sex. I agree that people may want to view sexual acts in which they would not actually participate but that is a very mature distinction for a child to make.

But that is not the issue. Porn viewing is the issue for the moment. Being gay is now fairly accepted by most people. Children should just not watch porn. It is confusing and will form his sexuality more than it will be an expression of his sexuality. It is even harmful for many adults.
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