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Old 03-10-2016, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,437,504 times
Reputation: 10428

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As a gay man, my advice would be not to tell his father (would he have some horrible reaction?) and don't worry. I was looking at straight porn (magazines) at that age, but primarily because that's all I had access to. Whatever he is, gay or straight, that's what he'll end up being. If he is gay, he might be scared at this point. So just be supportive and let him know you're there to talk (which it sounds like you already told him)

13 year-olds know what "gay" is these days. Have you ever suspected he might be gay? As a gay father (my partner and I had kids via surrogacy), if I were in your position, I would be planning an appropriate "sex talk". Which might be difficult for you. Meaning, I'd go into detail about gay male sex, risks, condoms, PrEP, HIV, other STDs, and let my son know that he can get married someday, even have kids, so don't mess up a lifetime opportunity by getting a horrible disease.
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Old 03-10-2016, 10:06 AM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,337,010 times
Reputation: 32417
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
A horde of stupid responses which ignore the elephant in the room.

Fine. Send your kid out alone in a city park at dusk, all alone, with guys cruising the woods dope dealers plying their trade, and johns circling the place for action. Why not? I suppose you would.


Consumer cellular has service for under $20 a month. Just a telephone. Good enough if keeping in contact with your kid is like sooo important. (why, in your case, I have no idea).


And btw, where is he that you can't get a hold of him? I mean like, where? Just loose?
Soccer, school, playing at school on the weekend, home when I'm not... The school failed to get messages to him numerous times so I took it into my own hands. You will be hard pressed to find a 13 year old without a smart phone. I find most people who think it is ridiculous don't actually have a teen.

And, no, giving a kid a phone is not like sending them to a park full if drug dealers and hookers. The fact that you made that comparison tells me you can't think of anything so wrong with the phone itself.
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Old 03-10-2016, 12:50 PM
 
3,276 posts, read 3,747,761 times
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I don't even understand the point of this post.

1. Why are you snooping on your son's phone?
2. Why do you care if he watches porn? Haven't you ever watched some?
3. Why do you care if it's gay porn or heterosexual porn? What concern is it of yours?
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Old 03-10-2016, 02:20 PM
 
4,541 posts, read 877,334 times
Reputation: 2120
Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
I don't even understand the point of this post.

1. Why are you snooping on your son's phone?
2. Why do you care if he watches porn? Haven't you ever watched some?
3. Why do you care if it's gay porn or heterosexual porn? What concern is it of yours?

Why is she snooping? Let's see, perhaps because she has every right and she's a parent! And you feel that it's ok for 13 year olds to watch porn?!
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,437,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heath V View Post
Why is she snooping? Let's see, perhaps because she has every right and she's a parent! And you feel that it's ok for 13 year olds to watch porn?!
Every 13 year old boy will look at porn, given the chance. The issue I see today is that they (any teenager) with a phone has access to very hardcore porn. When I was that age, the only access was to magazines, and that was just nudity. But there's no way to prevent boys from looking at porn these days, unless you keep them locked up on a commune with no internet access.

At this point, both my boys appear to be heterosexual to us. So my "porn talk" will be more along the lines of, "What you see in porn isn't reality. Women don't want to be treated the way you'll see in a lot of porn. Sex is as much about the woman as it is about the man, and you have to be mindful of her needs"...

I base the need for this unpleasant talk on an article I recently read about teenage boys and their warped sense of sex due to what they view in porn.
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Old 03-10-2016, 04:01 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,337,010 times
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Knowing it is somewhat normal curiosity and condoning it are 2 different things. I thought it was common knowledge that kids internet usage should be monitored. Why would a smart phone be any different?
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Old 03-10-2016, 04:59 PM
 
2,702 posts, read 3,801,960 times
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Just My Opinon, but what does a 13 year old need a fully functioning phone for???
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Old 03-10-2016, 06:04 PM
 
Location: St Paul's Bay, Malta
11,760 posts, read 6,523,718 times
Reputation: 3453
At 13 I already knew I was gay, but of course your son could still be confused. He will be absolutely mortified by what you discovered though, as a similar thing happened to me with a similar talk from my Mum. Just carry on as normal with your son & don't bring it up again, just let him know that you are there for him no matter what & that if he ever wants to talk to you about anything he can. As for the porn, well he is a teenage boy & they all look at porn, I would be more concerned about any dating apps he may get on his phone... As he gets a bit older & if he is gay, he may download apps such as Grindr etc.. so I would keep a check that he doesn't have anything like that rather than check if he's been looking at porn...
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Old 03-10-2016, 06:23 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,337,010 times
Reputation: 32417
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
Stupid irresponsible people all over the place I guess. By the way, does the kid have a job? Who pays for this expensive (needless - not mention dangerous) toy? And soccer? Is he bringing home all A's? Where's he got time for that? School has messages for him? Doesn't he ever attend?


Home when you're not? Where are you? Out in the distal end of the shopping center parking lot, sitting in the car texting louts like me me for a "tete a tete?"


Just some advice: if he disappears check out the nearby hotel with convention facilities (look for NAMBLA on the convention schedule), and if two days lapse, get a flight to Santo Domingo. The local cops will take weeks to get around to that.


You're a total fool.
What? What? What?

I actually started to answer your questions, but I'm not going to. They are just too far off base and none of your GD business. You obviously live under a rock if you don't know any 13 year olds who play soccer and ride their bikes around a safe suburban neighborhood without mom following them.

I will clarify one thing for you, since you didn't get it. He is AT SCHOOL and I am, for example, telling the front office to please let him know his brother went home sick, or that practice is cancelled. That was too much for the office to handle, so I got him a phone.

BTW, his class had an internet safety lesson today, and by a show of hands, All 32 or so students in the class have phones, some since kindergarten, most since about 4th grade.
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Old 03-10-2016, 08:43 PM
 
17,974 posts, read 19,976,725 times
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There are too many pages to read through but I would be careful.... He may be sexually abused by another male... I think the OP needs to find out...
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