U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-10-2016, 10:55 PM
 
28,206 posts, read 20,942,273 times
Reputation: 16601

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
I don't even understand the point of this post.

1. Why are you snooping on your son's phone?
2. Why do you care if he watches porn? Haven't you ever watched some?
3. Why do you care if it's gay porn or heterosexual porn? What concern is it of yours?
1. Because she's a good parent. That's like asking why a parent is asking who a child is hanging out with or where that child is going on a bike ride to. Or checking up on them when they say are going somewhere. You do it because you are taking care of another human being - a human being YOU are responsible for.

2. Because he is a CHILD who has an immature brain.

3. Maybe she is concerned her child is wrestling with his sexual identity and she wants to approach it in such a way as to not scar the boy. How horrible, right?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-10-2016, 10:56 PM
 
28,206 posts, read 20,942,273 times
Reputation: 16601
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What? What? What?

I actually started to answer your questions, but I'm not going to. They are just too far off base and none of your GD business. You obviously live under a rock if you don't know any 13 year olds who play soccer and ride their bikes around a safe suburban neighborhood without mom following them.

I will clarify one thing for you, since you didn't get it. He is AT SCHOOL and I am, for example, telling the front office to please let him know his brother went home sick, or that practice is cancelled. That was too much for the office to handle, so I got him a phone.

BTW, his class had an internet safety lesson today, and by a show of hands, All 32 or so students in the class have phones, some since kindergarten, most since about 4th grade.
Do yourself a favor. Place that dude on ignore like I did. He's only interested in judging and trolling.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Somewhere below Mason/Dixon
6,628 posts, read 7,573,419 times
Reputation: 11092
Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
I don't even understand the point of this post.

1. Why are you snooping on your son's phone?
2. Why do you care if he watches porn? Haven't you ever watched some?
3. Why do you care if it's gay porn or heterosexual porn? What concern is it of yours?


A 13 year old does not have the right to privacy on a smartphone, computer or any internet connected device. Also 13 year olds should never be looking at porn, no parent would support their child looking at porn of any kind. Also if the parent has an opinion on homosexuality that is their business. Parents have the right to teach a value system to their children, they may support homosexuality or they may not. That is their choice, no one else's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 02:20 AM
 
3,637 posts, read 2,729,950 times
Reputation: 4300
Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
People cannot make up their own definitions!
In your world where you make the rules maybe. But we do not live in your world. And you do not make the rules. And there are _many_ people who find they do not feel they fit standard definitions that are out there. That they do not identify with what a label is or commonly means. And they absolutely have every right in the world to make up new labels - or refuse to identify with existing ones that do not actually describe them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
You cannot be in a sexual relationship with a woman and call yourself straight!
Yes one can. Nor can you stop them. Bully for you. But thank you for your decrees of what people can or can not do all the same oh overlord. However I would point out - and remind you - that I did very clearly state that they feel NEITHER of the labels really describe them. They just identify _closer_ with heterosexuality by a long long way - and would use that label if asked to identify for want of a better one - but they do not _actually_ identify with either.

So your empty demands on what people can or can not do are double empty given they are not actually really doing what you are getting all uppity about in the first place.

A friend of mine dislikes ALL wine he has EVER tried except one. Just one. He therefore does not describe himself as a wine drinker. He identifies as a drinker of that particular Brand Name. Pedantry similar to yours would suggest he is a wine drinker - but that does not mean he has to identify with that label himself - that there is anything wrong with him rejecting it - or that there is anything wrong with him identifying himself by the one wine he _does_ drink.

Similarly if a girl has no sexual attraction to any girls in the world except ONE - then there is nothing wrong with them rejecting self identification with the term "bi-sexuality" - or with self-identification by the person they do engage sexually with. _You_ can identify them however you feel - and have fun with that - but you do not get to decree or rant about what they can or can not do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
This was needed because gay/bisexual men refused to self-identify correctly
There you go again. Moaning that people refuse to set themselves into the little boxes _you_ demand of them as if they are sheep refusing to go into a pen. Oh the petulance of them refusing to conform to _your_ labels. Whoever do they think they are at all at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
and were not receiving the medical care that they need.
Maybe try medicating people based on conditions they actually have - rather than labels you feel they should be conforming to - and they might be more inclined to meet the medical community half way and obtain the medical treatments best for them. Because forcing people - or demanding people - to conform to labels they do not identify with is not going to build bridges - but is going to alienate - and is going to create unnecessary barriers between people - and the medical attention they should be getting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
At 13, he definitely knows that he is homosexual enough to look for multiple homosexual websites to view gay sex. I agree that people may want to view sexual acts in which they would not actually participate but that is a very mature distinction for a child to make.
Who says the child is - or needs to - make the distinction? The child might not distinguish or even know why they are attracted to a certain type of porn or want to view it. Actually _making_ that "mature" distinction is not consciously required to be _involved in_ that distinction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manhattangirl View Post
But that is not the issue. Porn viewing is the issue for the moment. Being gay is now fairly accepted by most people.
Entirely agreed. In the OPs position I would sit with the child again and say that this conversation has _nothing_ to do with being gay or straight - that it really does not matter which the child turns out to be - they will be loved for who they are either way - but that using the phone the parents got him to view _any_ porn - especially if the sites involved explicitly asked the child to lie about their age to do so - is a breach of trust - possibly a breach of law - and very just grounds to have the phone removed entirely.

This does not have to be about sexuality - it does not even _have_ to be about porn. It is about getting an object and gesture of trust from ones parents - and then abusing that trust. And several good lessons can be made of that fact alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
I don't even understand the point of this post.
Errrr the same point as most posts on this forum? Someone is in a situation unfamiliar to them or new to them and is therefore seeking advice from a wider community of others on the subject?

Is that not point enough - or do people have to specifically justify their motivation for posting on this forum to artic_gardener before they should do so?

Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
1. Why are you snooping on your son's phone?
Is it his phone? Does he have a job and bought and now pays for it himself? I am not entirely clear on that. It _sounds_ to me like it is the parents phone - bought and paid for by them - and the son is being afforded the use of it.

Therefore anything that the phone is used for falls under the purview - responsibility - and business of the phones actual owner.

Not to mention it is indeed a parents business where a child of that age goes when they leave the house. And when you go onto the internet you are - in many ways - leaving the house. Going to places where you can be harmed - preyed upon - and worse.

And on top of all that - the OP also very explicitly said the son _knows_ she goes the phone periodically and is _ok with it_. But do not let that get in the way of your chance to be judgemental over someone!

In fact given that the son knew the mother was highly likely to find this stuff - given he knows she checks the phone - one angle the OP should consider is that at some level the son might have wanted her to find this - as a cry for help for some reason - or as a way to open up conversation on the topic of sex or sexuality with her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
2. Why do you care if he watches porn? Haven't you ever watched some?
No idea what the laws are where the OP lives - but where I live the laws are quite clear on the legality of minors viewing porn. Laws that would very much make it a concern of the OP whether their child is watching porn or not. Especially using devices that are fully paid and registered to that parent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arctic_gardener View Post
3. Why do you care if it's gay porn or heterosexual porn? What concern is it of yours?
Try actually reading the OP before you go off on a tantrum at them. She made it _very_ clear the type of porn is the _least_ of her concerns. But do not let facts get in the way of a good rant whatever you do! We would not want the OP actually having no issue with gay porn or homosexuality to get in the way of you judging her for having such issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-31-2019, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Union County NJ
205 posts, read 164,124 times
Reputation: 198
Default Might have to close schools

seems someone has decided to present school classes on 'gay' history..............
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 05:15 AM
 
13,196 posts, read 10,167,612 times
Reputation: 16716
Quote:
Originally Posted by danielj72 View Post
A 13 year old does not have the right to privacy on a smartphone, computer or any internet connected device. Also 13 year olds should never be looking at porn, no parent would support their child looking at porn of any kind. Also if the parent has an opinion on homosexuality that is their business. Parents have the right to teach a value system to their children, they may support homosexuality or they may not. That is their choice, no one else's.
This is, sadly, true that parents can torture their kids with horrors like "conversion therapy" in the name of supposed "right". It is a sad and scary thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 05:19 AM
 
13,196 posts, read 10,167,612 times
Reputation: 16716
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
In your world where you make the rules maybe. But we do not live in your world. And you do not make the rules. And there are _many_ people who find they do not feel they fit standard definitions that are out there. That they do not identify with what a label is or commonly means. And they absolutely have every right in the world to make up new labels - or refuse to identify with existing ones that do not actually describe them.



Yes one can. Nor can you stop them. Bully for you. But thank you for your decrees of what people can or can not do all the same oh overlord. However I would point out - and remind you - that I did very clearly state that they feel NEITHER of the labels really describe them. They just identify _closer_ with heterosexuality by a long long way - and would use that label if asked to identify for want of a better one - but they do not _actually_ identify with either.

So your empty demands on what people can or can not do are double empty given they are not actually really doing what you are getting all uppity about in the first place.

A friend of mine dislikes ALL wine he has EVER tried except one. Just one. He therefore does not describe himself as a wine drinker. He identifies as a drinker of that particular Brand Name. Pedantry similar to yours would suggest he is a wine drinker - but that does not mean he has to identify with that label himself - that there is anything wrong with him rejecting it - or that there is anything wrong with him identifying himself by the one wine he _does_ drink.

Similarly if a girl has no sexual attraction to any girls in the world except ONE - then there is nothing wrong with them rejecting self identification with the term "bi-sexuality" - or with self-identification by the person they do engage sexually with. _You_ can identify them however you feel - and have fun with that - but you do not get to decree or rant about what they can or can not do.



There you go again. Moaning that people refuse to set themselves into the little boxes _you_ demand of them as if they are sheep refusing to go into a pen. Oh the petulance of them refusing to conform to _your_ labels. Whoever do they think they are at all at all.



Maybe try medicating people based on conditions they actually have - rather than labels you feel they should be conforming to - and they might be more inclined to meet the medical community half way and obtain the medical treatments best for them. Because forcing people - or demanding people - to conform to labels they do not identify with is not going to build bridges - but is going to alienate - and is going to create unnecessary barriers between people - and the medical attention they should be getting.



Who says the child is - or needs to - make the distinction? The child might not distinguish or even know why they are attracted to a certain type of porn or want to view it. Actually _making_ that "mature" distinction is not consciously required to be _involved in_ that distinction.



Entirely agreed. In the OPs position I would sit with the child again and say that this conversation has _nothing_ to do with being gay or straight - that it really does not matter which the child turns out to be - they will be loved for who they are either way - but that using the phone the parents got him to view _any_ porn - especially if the sites involved explicitly asked the child to lie about their age to do so - is a breach of trust - possibly a breach of law - and very just grounds to have the phone removed entirely.

This does not have to be about sexuality - it does not even _have_ to be about porn. It is about getting an object and gesture of trust from ones parents - and then abusing that trust. And several good lessons can be made of that fact alone.



Errrr the same point as most posts on this forum? Someone is in a situation unfamiliar to them or new to them and is therefore seeking advice from a wider community of others on the subject?

Is that not point enough - or do people have to specifically justify their motivation for posting on this forum to artic_gardener before they should do so?



Is it his phone? Does he have a job and bought and now pays for it himself? I am not entirely clear on that. It _sounds_ to me like it is the parents phone - bought and paid for by them - and the son is being afforded the use of it.

Therefore anything that the phone is used for falls under the purview - responsibility - and business of the phones actual owner.

Not to mention it is indeed a parents business where a child of that age goes when they leave the house. And when you go onto the internet you are - in many ways - leaving the house. Going to places where you can be harmed - preyed upon - and worse.

And on top of all that - the OP also very explicitly said the son _knows_ she goes the phone periodically and is _ok with it_. But do not let that get in the way of your chance to be judgemental over someone!

In fact given that the son knew the mother was highly likely to find this stuff - given he knows she checks the phone - one angle the OP should consider is that at some level the son might have wanted her to find this - as a cry for help for some reason - or as a way to open up conversation on the topic of sex or sexuality with her.



No idea what the laws are where the OP lives - but where I live the laws are quite clear on the legality of minors viewing porn. Laws that would very much make it a concern of the OP whether their child is watching porn or not. Especially using devices that are fully paid and registered to that parent.



Try actually reading the OP before you go off on a tantrum at them. She made it _very_ clear the type of porn is the _least_ of her concerns. But do not let facts get in the way of a good rant whatever you do! We would not want the OP actually having no issue with gay porn or homosexuality to get in the way of you judging her for having such issues.
BOOM. Double boom. How many boooooooms can I add to this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 05:41 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,489 posts, read 3,242,358 times
Reputation: 8475
C’mon people, did anyone really not know their sexual orientation by the age of 13? If all he had on his phone was gay porn and no heterosexual porn, the boy is gay. No big deal. The bigger question is, why don’t you have a filter on a child’s phone to prevent access to porn?Move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 06:54 AM
 
3,307 posts, read 1,646,467 times
Reputation: 3452
We monitor our daughter's use of the internet as well as text messaging. The number 1 reason is to pick up on inappropriate interactions and to point it out. If we raise our children in responsible and respectful environments, will they know what to do when they encounter innappropriate interactions? I don't know and I don't take that chance.

We tell our daughter if she comes across penises, vaginas, buttocks, or breasts online or in messages to show us. As far as text messaging, what we look out for are kids who can't take a hint that she doesn't want to do something or who outright ignore the word "no." She needed explained on why that interaction was inappropriate and how to deal with it.

She told me that lesson was one of the best ways to identify annoying kids. So now she is more careful about who she gives her phone number to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top