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Old 03-07-2016, 01:53 PM
 
4 posts, read 11,883 times
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I am a loving and concerned mom, I recently got my 13 yr old a newer updated phone. I maybe go through his phone once a week, just to make sure he is not doing anything he is not supposed too! & my son is ok with me doing this. One day last week, I happened to go through his internet history, I never done this before until now!!! & I see three sites that he went too. Gay porn (man on man) and amine gay porn (man on man) and cartoon gay porn (man on man) I freaked out, I did not know what to say or think, I did not want to mention this to his dad, because he would have not liked seeing this what so ever. So, I waited all day until I picked him up from school to ask him about the sites that I saw on his phone. He started to cry & I told him, I love you & I want yo to be happy, love has no color or no gender, I asked him if he liked girls or boys and he said that he did not know! He was like I am curious! I asked do you like both?? He said he did not know. I told him in confidence that I will love him no matter what & I will always be his mom, I have not told his dad, because I am not sure how his dad will react! I need some advice please! Is my son gay or bi or just curious?? Should I tell his dad or wait to even say anything to his dad until my son is honest with him self and me
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
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Too soon to panic! Try PFLAG PFLAG National
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:12 PM
 
13,009 posts, read 12,440,016 times
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Let your son not know. He's 13. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's bi. Maybe he's straight. Who knows? Our taste in porn is not always indicative of our actual preferences or orientation. Now is not the time to pigeonhole him. Give him the space to figure it out. Asking for a solid answer now could be harmful.

I think the real issue right now is whether you are comfortable with your son viewing porn and also whether that could lead him to places on the internet where he could get himself in trouble or be victimized. Personally, I don't have much against porn, but my big worry with a kid watching it would be it would give them a warped idea of sexual relationships.

A therapist might be a good idea just to give him some space to work things out and understand age-appropriate sexual expression.

The question of whether his father needs to know depends on whether you think his father would harm him psychologically or physically.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:14 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,748,544 times
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He may or may not be Gay. He is 13, not 23. So, in all likelihood, he is not Gay.

It is not unusual for young teenged boys to look at porn. Straight, Gay - anything. In my day it was through magazines. Now it's on line.

Take a deep breath. Calm down. I am so glad to hear that you will love him no matter what his sexual orientation may be.

Telling his dad? I would say "no". I would tell your son that you will give him privacy in the future, and stick to that.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:17 PM
 
4 posts, read 11,883 times
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I appreciate all of the comments! Like I said in the post, I will love my son no matter what! I will give him time to figure this out. He has all the time in the world.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:19 PM
 
Location: here
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I think curiosity is normal. Don't read too much into it.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:26 PM
 
Location: SC
1,875 posts, read 1,039,283 times
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Allow him his curiosity. Give him his space..within reason. He is 13, and budding sexuality.
My daughter is a lesbian. I have not told her grandfather though, as he has expressed bigotry? towards that idea. He is 90 though. A whole different generation.
Ask him if he would be comfortable talking to a counselor about this. He may just be plain old curious.
At least your son accepts the fact that you, as his mom, needs to be aware of his phone and internet history.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:29 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,276,519 times
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Which one do you have a problem with? The porn? Or that he might be gay?

Why do you not know what your husband would do in the situation? Why have you and your husband not discussed these kinds of scenarios before hand? Do you know which one he would have the issue with, the gayness or the porn?



Also, what would be the problem with either or both of these?
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:40 PM
 
4 posts, read 11,883 times
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I have no issue with my son being gay if he was! The porn part was surprising to me! & the fact that he does look at that, I can not say if it bothers me now!!! I guess at that moment when I was going through his phone & I came across it, it did bother me! & I have to understand that I am sure he look at more. & I also understand the whole part of being curious! & as far as his dad, his dad is OK with (Others) sexual preference, I can be watching a show that is talking about sexual orientation & he will make a remark that is not necessary! But the only thing that I worry about is if are son is gay him not accepting it, & honestly I care when it comes to that, of course it is his dad. But on the other hand, I don't care what his opinion is, my son means everything to me & he knows this. & he knows his dad loves him as well, but I am sure he also knows that he might not be as accepting as I would. But I guess when this time comes if my son is gay, we will talk it over. But no matter what my son comes before anything and his happiness is all that matters.

Last edited by lovingmom00; 03-07-2016 at 02:50 PM..
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:42 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 606,699 times
Reputation: 1730
Erm OP


have you ever thought of Respecting Your Sons Privacy?


#seenoevil
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