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Old 02-10-2008, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,248 posts, read 20,593,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kwflconch View Post
When I was a child back in the 1950s many women stayed home and focused on taking care of the home and having babies and the fathers would work and make the money for the home. My parents were like this too. And many families bored 3 to 4 children and people would graduate high school and immediately get married to their high school sweethearts and have children almost immediately after they married. Median age of marriage for women was 20 and men 22. Total Fertility Rate was 3 in 1950 and almost 4 in 1960 due to the Post War II Baby Boom. Now fast forward to the present, people get married get married at a later and have children later and families are smaller too. (Except for the recent large family boom.) Women are more likely to work than stay home now and divorce rates are skyhigh at 40%-60% while in the 1950s and 1960s that rate was only 10%-20%. And average marriage is about 25 for women and 27 for men and the childless rate is about 19% while in 1950 that was only 14%.

The new president of the US whoever it may be should try to work on marriage and divorce rates and encourage to bring back the lifestyle of families of the nuclear family golden age of the 1950s and the 1960s. It would help to make the US a more stable and peaceful country. We should start offering more marriage counselor classes and encourage more couples to have children. I think that the increase in women working has caused the divorce rate to explode because of more stress. We eat out now too more and we hardly sit down with our families anymore and be happy and loving towards one another. Also, the inventions of computers, iPod, dvds, wii, playstation, cellphones, and surround sound has caused to barely to know our families anymore.

A return to the nuclear age with the mother, the father, kids, and pets would be a wonderful thing. Our family structure has collapsed and broken apart.
The fact is that the 1950s are gone forever. And I do not think that is all that bad myself. Women want more complete lives than staying at home slaving over a stove and a wash tub. They want to reach for something higher than a back yard clothes line.
I also disagree that all the new technology has made us estranged from our families and friends. I think, if anything, we are closer than ever now. My aunt is in her 90s now and I talk to her every week and sometimes twice a week thanks to free long distance and my cell phone. When I was a young kid, I only got to talk to her a few times every year because long distance was too damn expensive. My daughter keeps in touch with friends she has had for several years via email, myspace and her cell phone. Even friends that have moved away are still friends to her. When I was her age and a friend moved away to another state, that was it because it was too costly to keep up with them.
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:10 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,165 posts, read 8,080,306 times
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By traditional, you must mean traditional in America. Sociologists will tell you that one man one woman relationships are fairly new actually. The type of marriages and families you see in Africa are the oldest ones.
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:11 PM
 
2,484 posts, read 7,901,343 times
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While I appreciate the OP's attempt at addressing the issues of modern society such as infidelity, loose-knit families, and declining morals, I have to disagree with the OP's notion that the lack of a traditional nuclear family is what caused all this. The "happy golden days" are not as how they seemed at all--as previous posters have mentioned--the stay at home moms were often abused or abusing (in alcohol and other substances). The stress to keep the family afloat was completely on the man of the family's shoulder and that often lead to abusive marriages and infidelity.

Today's society would not be able to support such a family structure as the average standards of living is based off a double-income household. Where I live, which is Northern Virginia, a family would need at least 200k to even hope to own a townhouse. Such an amount is often only achieved through a double income.

Additionally, the women's rights movement has made great leaps in allowing women to do what they choose--whether it is being a career woman or a traditional mother. It would be unwise to force women back into the days of the 1950's family when some are simply not cut out to be such.

While it is good to be mindful of the past, it never does anyone any good to actually live in it.

Move on with the future, OP. The sooner you do, the better off you will become.
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Old 02-11-2008, 07:51 AM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,899,006 times
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The "golden" age of the 1950s wasn't so golden for everyone, you know. I would have hated it. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and happy marriage and 3 kids. I work outside the home and can't imagine not doing so. Life is not a one size fits all proposition. I encourage my daughter and sons to educate themselves, postpone marriage and kids until they are economically stable and then marry someone who supports their life goals. I would support any of my kids working in or out of the home...both the boys or the girl.
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Old 02-11-2008, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,062,552 times
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I agree that divorce has gotten out of hand in this country, but I don't think marrying young is the answer. Had I married any of the boyfriends I had in my teens/early 20's, I most likely would be divorced right now. I wasn't exactly making good choices in men at that age. Waiting until I was older allowed me to get the "bad boy" phase out of my system and realize it was more important to marry someone who was good, responsible, loving, and loyal. The man I married is a wonderful husband and father, had I met him when I was young, I would have thought he was "too nice" and been more interested in the "bad boy" type who treated me like crap.
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Old 02-11-2008, 09:56 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,242,210 times
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There are moms out there who chose to work & those who chose to stay at home. There are also those moms out there who would love to stay home, but due to cost of living & health insurance, they have to work.

I chose to work awhile back. After too many visits to the ER at 1am due to my child catching every awful virus/infection known, I was lucky enough to have the choice to leave my job.

While at times I want to pull my hair out from being a SAHM & feel like all I do is cook, clean, & change diapers; I've also come to the realization what a blessing I have been given in that I am able to stay at home & personally raise my child.

My husband supports me either way. One of the reason I married the guy.

We do not believe in eating in front of the tv (except for Friday nights when we get pizza & a movie ); our children will not have tv's in their rooms (we do not either); we try to have a family meal whenever we can; we do not argue in front of our children & agree to "discipline" with consistency & agreement. We go to parks & outside as much as possible. TV is limited to PBS & Food Network(that's for me ) during the day. We read before naps & bedtime. We do as much as we can as a family.

At the same time, I need alone time as does my husband & we make sure to give each other time off. We also are trying to establish a date night in order to just remember each other

I waited until I was older to get married & start a family. I went to college; I moved acrossed the country & then moved back; dated some jerks who at the time I thought were cool, etc etc; travelled around the world (literally)....did all this before I settled down & had children. So glad that I did.

Parenting is an individual & combined effort. No one has the perfect answer & NO ONE is the perfect parent. Our kids don't want that; they want compassion, reassurance, security & love.

Personally, I don't believe our politican are examples of values, whatsoever. This last one surely is not & unfortunatly, i don't believe any of the ones running.

Every family has different values. At the end of the day if you can go to bed knowing you did the best you could for that day & that your child knows that you love them...well, then, I think that is darn great.
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Old 02-11-2008, 10:39 AM
 
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I firmly believe that I'd have been better off if I'd been raised by a loving gay couple than the collection of dysfunctional heteros that I went through childhood with...
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:06 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,342,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crew Chief View Post
I firmly believe that I'd have been better off if I'd been raised by a loving gay couple than the collection of dysfunctional heteros that I went through childhood with...
Fantastic!!! Sometimes I think the same thing. My mom ended up being gay and it wasn't much better after that than it was before, so the grass isn't always greener. LOL.


I'm just posting to represent the young couples not looking for the quick way out. I married my high school sweetheart at 24 after college. We'd been dating since I was 16, now have a 2 year old daughter that we waited 5 years into the marriage to have. We go out to dinner about once a month. I cook...with actual ingredients and pots and pans . We eat at the dining room table. We laugh, argue, fight, make-up with the understanding that a divorce isn't going to happen just because he can't remember to pick up milk on the way home or because I want to go out with my girlfriends every now and then. He's forgotten my birthday and I've made him watch more Oprah episodes than he would ever care to, but we're lifers and glad to be. It's hard sometimes, and it's work a lot of time, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel very blessed to find who I want to be with forever this young.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,814,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
I completely disagree. Who are you to determine what the perfect family is? My grandmother was a wife of the 1950s. To the outside, her family was perfect- stay at home mom, 3 kids and a dog, upper middle class house in the suburbs, country club, summer on the Cape. But in reality, she was being verbally and physically abused, my grandfather cheated on her, and she felt completely unfulfilled. It was only with the women's rights movement that she was able to free herself of the situation. Before that, she would have had NO support, few legal rights, and the scorn of her community had she left her husband despite the way he treated her. Do we really want to go back to that age?

My mom got married when she was 22 and had been with my father since she was 13. To this day she regrets getting married so early- and she's almost 50 years old! She and my father are still together, but they both have always encouraged me to date before getting married, don't get married before I have a stable career, and NEVER give up a career for kids if that's not exactly what I want. My mom feels (and I agree) that she did my brother and I a great disservice by being a stay at home mom. She hated it but felt that it was what you were supposed to do.

Too many couples who don't want children have them. Maybe we should focus on that rather than those RESPONSIBLE enough to not have children when they know they are not for them. How about we take care of the 500,000 foster children in the system on any given day? How about we focus on issues that are going to plague me and my children long after you are gone? Global warming, energy dependence, peak oil, OVERPOPULATION? Guess those aren't important.
But that's not what the topic is, and that's not what this forum is for. You wanna rant about global warming? Go to the P&OC forum and go for it! The OP is expressing their viewpoint, you don't need to shoot them down just because your grandmother happened to be in the minority during the 50's. My grandmother and my mother both had wonderful marriages, despite many hurdles, and my parents gave us kids every little bit they could of themselves. A far cry from the divorced, step, single, gay, latch-key, whatever families that are going on in today's society. It's a sad reflection on us all as parents when those who don't give in to their kids' demands for status-symbols like iphones, new cars, sweet sixteen parties on a wedding budget, the latest gaming systems, etc are in the minority. Sad, sad sad.


I would like to see a return to the two-parent, more traditional household, albeit with a few modern twists. The problem seems to be that with the battle for equality among women, we've sort of forgotten what a partnership in marriage truly is. It isn't always perfectly equal, 50/50 down the line. Someone's gonna have to step up to the plate and admit that. Yeah, I hate doing laundry. It sucks. I hate doing dishes. When my husband goes to do them I stop him, because it's MY JOB. Why should he do it when he's working two jobs to make sure we eat, pay bills, and have a roof over our heads that lets me stay home with my kiddo? The least I can do is run my home like a business and make sure things get done on time and right. Does he get mad if they're not? Nope, not at all. He's totally understanding. But, that doesn't mean that even though at 10AM I told him I planned to make Lasagna with big salads and garlic bread, that at 6pm I'm not ordering pizza. Some days just go that way!

Besides, if you run your home like it's your business, you're far more likely to have a successful outcome. If you run it half-a*sed, or not at all, you're only going to get out of it what you put in. That goes for your marriage and kids, too.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs View Post

When my husband goes to do them I stop him, because it's MY JOB. Why should he do it when he's working two jobs to make sure we eat, pay bills, and have a roof over our heads that lets me stay home with my kiddo? The least I can do is run my home like a business and make sure things get done on time and right. Does he get mad if they're not? Nope, not at all. He's totally understanding. But, that doesn't mean that even though at 10AM I told him I planned to make Lasagna with big salads and garlic bread, that at 6pm I'm not ordering pizza. Some days just go that way!

Besides, if you run your home like it's your business, you're far more likely to have a successful outcome. If you run it half-a*sed, or not at all, you're only going to get out of it what you put in. That goes for your marriage and kids, too.
I never stop anyone from doing dishes in my house! lol

other than that, I agree wholeheartedly!

Your reply was funny- usually on mondays my hubby comes home early- leaves around 2 30 or so- well I was just thinking i needed to go clear out the dishes in the sink and he called to say he would be home at his normal time, and leave early thursday instead! I did the happy dance- gives me a couple more hours of avoiding the dish pile! lol
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