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Old 02-12-2008, 12:21 AM
 
269 posts, read 490,245 times
Reputation: 125

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I'm a big fan of patriarchal family values.

They work, even when the people involved are imperfect... this other kind of flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants style strikes me as being too improvisational for all but the brightest and wealthiest to do it well.

I think that's why the good ol' fashioned Dad-Breadwinner/Mom-Homemaker model keeps cropping up in the most unexpected places. You just can't argue with success.

LOL, I run my household like a business, too. Weekly cleaning and errand schedules, nap schedules, routine meals, menu planning.

I don't care how "throwback" or "uncreative" it is... it allows my household to function pleasantly on a fraction of the money some people think is required to raise children decently.

I've been to college. I've been in the military. I've been divorced, I've gone bar-hopping, I've had one-night-stands and adulterous affairs and a room of my own and a fat bank account to spend as I pleased and friends who assured me that marriage was a waste of time-- everything Betty Friedan thought might cure the Problem with No Name.

And somehow, it's all garbage compared to my life now. Maybe Betty's problem was her own.
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Old 02-12-2008, 02:46 AM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 2,940,778 times
Reputation: 901
All i can say is God took good care of me when I did not get married in my 20s( I chose people who were not good for me) I honestly belive I would have either ended up killed by an abusive spuse or divorced by the time I was 30. Instead I did some much needed growing up, learning to like and love my self. Now at 35 I am blessed with a good husband, a wonderful son and another on the way. I stay at home I am happy and I know who I am something, that i did not know when I was 20. Some people are blessed to find love and who they are early on in life, and some are blessed to find it when they are older.
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Old 02-12-2008, 06:43 AM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,812,151 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeehound View Post
I'm a big fan of patriarchal family values.

They work, even when the people involved are imperfect... this other kind of flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants style strikes me as being too improvisational for all but the brightest and wealthiest to do it well.

I think that's why the good ol' fashioned Dad-Breadwinner/Mom-Homemaker model keeps cropping up in the most unexpected places. You just can't argue with success.

LOL, I run my household like a business, too. Weekly cleaning and errand schedules, nap schedules, routine meals, menu planning.

I don't care how "throwback" or "uncreative" it is... it allows my household to function pleasantly on a fraction of the money some people think is required to raise children decently.

I've been to college. I've been in the military. I've been divorced, I've gone bar-hopping, I've had one-night-stands and adulterous affairs and a room of my own and a fat bank account to spend as I pleased and friends who assured me that marriage was a waste of time-- everything Betty Friedan thought might cure the Problem with No Name.

And somehow, it's all garbage compared to my life now. Maybe Betty's problem was her own.
Wow, it's like I wrote this myself, only it's BETTER! LOL! Aside from military experience and a divorce, we seem to have similar backgrounds and similar feelings about the impact they had in comparison to our marriages today.

Great post!
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Old 02-12-2008, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,668 posts, read 19,914,691 times
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I tend to agree with the OP here. I don't think we should romanticize the 50's. They had their problems too. However, I do think it is unfortunate that today many women feel that they cannot stay home with their kids because of economic circumstances and pressures if that if their choice. I think there are many in that category today. Many do and make a lot of sacrifices to do so. Others are in situations where they just almost can't. They are not desiring luxuries, but feel they must work just to keep the bills paid and food on the table. It would be nice today if families were free to truly make a choice for mom to stay home.
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Old 02-12-2008, 09:38 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,822 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
I tend to agree with the OP here. I don't think we should romanticize the 50's. They had their problems too. However, I do think it is unfortunate that today many women feel that they cannot stay home with their kids because of economic circumstances and pressures if that if their choice. I think there are many in that category today. They are not desiring luxuries, but feel they must work just to keep the bills paid and food on the table.
That's me
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Old 02-12-2008, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 8,696,279 times
Reputation: 1368
When I hear the term "traditional family values" I just want to cringe. All it makes me think of is oppression and bigotry and homophobia, among other things. Who decides what is a family value, anyway?

A family is any group of two or more people who love and take care of each other. Whether that is man/man or woman/woman or man/woman or man/woman/children or man/man/children or woman/woman/children...that's nobody's business as long as they're in a happy and mutually loving family.
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Old 02-12-2008, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,798,041 times
Reputation: 426
I am a SAHM by choice. I have a masters degree and worked up until I was 32 and had my first child. This is the best job I ever had, but it's ceratinly not for everyone.

Now, if I would have married my HS sweetheart right of school I would have no education and be in an unhappy marriage - or divorced. I mean, my skills at picking a life partner at the age of 17 were limited to how cute he was and what car he drove. It would be a big mess - a crappy marriage, a bunch of kids I was unable to support by myself, no life or work experience and no education - bad!

I think that now that women have choices, they can better establish a life that best suites them. They take longer to pick a suitable partner and actually have a say in how the family will run.

When I got married my husband and I agreed that one of us would stay home FT with the kids - I wanted that someone to be me, and we are very happy with our arrangement.

I run the entire family - that includes finances to vacation planning - again, this works for us.
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Old 02-12-2008, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,204 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyLiz View Post
Now, if I would have married my HS sweetheart right of school I would have no education and be in an unhappy marriage - or divorced. I mean, my skills at picking a life partner at the age of 17 were limited to how cute he was and what car he drove. It would be a big mess - a crappy marriage, a bunch of kids I was unable to support by myself, no life or work experience and no education - bad!
please don't make a generalization like that. I married my HS Sweetheart at 19, had a baby at 20 and graduated college with honors on time at 22. All while working full time. Our daughter was never in a daycare or with a sitter. We live a very nice lifestyle- I run my own business and work from home, we live in an extremely nice neighborhood and have $0 debt ( including no house payment, no car payment and no student loans).
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Old 02-12-2008, 10:42 AM
 
2,484 posts, read 7,900,413 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
please don't make a generalization like that. I married my HS Sweetheart at 19, had a baby at 20 and graduated college with honors on time at 22. All while working full time. Our daughter was never in a daycare or with a sitter. We live a very nice lifestyle- I run my own business and work from home, we live in an extremely nice neighborhood and have $0 debt ( including no house payment, no car payment and no student loans).
I think Kristy was referring more to herself than making a generalization about anyone


I too, am glad I waited (though I'm not married yet) because it wasn't until sophomore year of college that I realized what low standards I had in high school.
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Old 02-12-2008, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,204 times
Reputation: 326
Maybe I'm the odd one...lol

I wasn't a stupid kid- I went for the guys with BRAINS! lmao!

I wasn't picking on Kristy at all (hope it didnt sound like I was) but I see a lot of people give generalizations about marrying young- yes, in all too many cases it doesn't bode well for the young couple, but it truly depends on the kids involved! My sister was the same as me- married her HS sweetheart, and are doing awesomely as well! ( she got a good guy too!)
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