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Old 02-12-2008, 04:54 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,814,730 times
Reputation: 5139

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoaminRed View Post
When I hear the term "traditional family values" I just want to cringe. All it makes me think of is oppression and bigotry and homophobia, among other things. Who decides what is a family value, anyway?
Wow. I would hate to think that you are calling anyone here who believes in traditional family values, like myself, a bigot or a homophobe. That's a really big assumption on your part, and you know what they say about those.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:28 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,663 times
Reputation: 326
Going out on a limb here, and will probably be massacred for it, but here goes.

I'll preface it by saying I mean NO OFFENSE to anyone or their choices- we all do what we feel is best for our kids (even if we disagree on methods sometimes!)

For me, traditional family values mean Husband, Wife, Church, Mom stays home, Dad works. Mom does most of the cooking and cleaning, dad mows the grass has a honey do list and takes out garbage. You teach your children manners, respect, right from wrong. Punishments are given for inappropriate behavior. Parents are PARENTS and not FRIENDS. Holidays are spent together, as a family. You monitor who your children are with at all times.

Largely, that is how our household works, and I love it. I do work from home and run my own business. Hubby does clean (more so on weekends) but I don't EXPECT it. I EXPECT him to make a decent living to support us, to be faithful and be a good husband and dad! Getting him to do laundry is just an added bonus!
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Old 02-12-2008, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 8,697,610 times
Reputation: 1368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs View Post
Wow. I would hate to think that you are calling anyone here who believes in traditional family values, like myself, a bigot or a homophobe. That's a really big assumption on your part, and you know what they say about those.
The reason it makes me cringe is because of how it is almost always said. I hear it when someone is railing against gay parents. I hear it when someone says it in disdain for the single parent working three jobs to keep clothes on their kids. I hear it when families are being criticized for their "non-traditional" ways of life. To so many people that simple little phrase is used as veiled hate-speech.

This is why it makes me cringe. As innocent as YOUR use of the term may be, others misuse and abuse it to the extent that it is seen as a means of shutting people out, rather than bringing them in and reveling in how many different ways a loving family group can be made.

This is why that term upsets me -- it is wholly exclusionary rather than being inclusive.
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Old 02-13-2008, 03:52 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,798,552 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
please don't make a generalization like that. I married my HS Sweetheart at 19, had a baby at 20 and graduated college with honors on time at 22. All while working full time. Our daughter was never in a daycare or with a sitter. We live a very nice lifestyle- I run my own business and work from home, we live in an extremely nice neighborhood and have $0 debt ( including no house payment, no car payment and no student loans).
I apologize - however, I was not generalizing, that truly would have been my sistuation based on who my HS sweetheart was. I am sure your HS sweetheart was a great guy.
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Old 02-13-2008, 03:59 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,798,552 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
For me, traditional family values mean Husband, Wife, Church, Mom stays home, Dad works. Mom does most of the cooking and cleaning, dad mows the grass has a honey do list and takes out garbage. You teach your children manners, respect, right from wrong. Punishments are given for inappropriate behavior. Parents are PARENTS and not FRIENDS. Holidays are spent together, as a family. You monitor who your children are with at all times.

Largely, that is how our household works, and I love it. I do work from home and run my own business. Hubby does clean (more so on weekends) but I don't EXPECT it. I EXPECT him to make a decent living to support us, to be faithful and be a good husband and dad! Getting him to do laundry is just an added bonus!
I guess I am more traditional than I thought, because I agree with most of what you wrote here (we're not big church goers, so I'd just leave that part out, and I think that same sex couples should be defined as "families" too).

My family runs like this and I like it a lot. Again, it's not for everyone, but it's a choice we made that works well for us.

I guess the big difference between the 1950's version of this family and my family is that I run the show at home. Since I am home with the kids, I am the major disciplinarian (sp?), and I handle all finances for the family. Also, my husband is very involved with the kids which wasn't really the case back them.
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Old 02-13-2008, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 4,660,273 times
Reputation: 2247
Another difference in todays "families", is the care of our parents.
"Back in the day", it was typical to care for mom and dad once they became ill and elderly.
It was quite common to have elderly family members (mom, dad,grandma ect.) living with family instead of in nursing homes.
I came from a large family of children. And when it came down to the care of our ailing parents, those with careers were "too busy" or "couldn't rearrange their lives", to take mom and dad the last stretch of their lives. Even though they had the big house/ extra room, the live in maid, access to a visiting nurse ect.
This bothers me to a great extent. Without our "parents", we would not be who we are today. They (for the most part) did the best they could for us. Granted not all parents fit into this category, but I believe in one way or the other, our parents definitely had an influence on who we became.
I feel, in todays world, there is a tremendous lack of compassion for our parents/elderly. How often is it today, that you have parents/elderly living with their children instead of in the nursing home for their last days ? I don't see nearly as much of this situation as I did years ago. Growing up, it was quite common to have grandma/grandpa as part of the every day family, knowing the grandchildren and helping, in whatever small way they could. I feel, that it also gave the elderly more reason to live just a bit longer.

This is just my experience in this day and age ( I grew up in the 70's), which to me is sad.
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:54 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,342,463 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by theqbaby View Post
Another difference in todays "families", is the care of our parents.
"Back in the day", it was typical to care for mom and dad once they became ill and elderly.
It was quite common to have elderly family members (mom, dad,grandma ect.) living with family instead of in nursing homes.
I came from a large family of children. And when it came down to the care of our ailing parents, those with careers were "too busy" or "couldn't rearrange their lives", to take mom and dad the last stretch of their lives. Even though they had the big house/ extra room, the live in maid, access to a visiting nurse ect.
This bothers me to a great extent. Without our "parents", we would not be who we are today. They (for the most part) did the best they could for us. Granted not all parents fit into this category, but I believe in one way or the other, our parents definitely had an influence on who we became.
I feel, in todays world, there is a tremendous lack of compassion for our parents/elderly. How often is it today, that you have parents/elderly living with their children instead of in the nursing home for their last days ? I don't see nearly as much of this situation as I did years ago. Growing up, it was quite common to have grandma/grandpa as part of the every day family, knowing the grandchildren and helping, in whatever small way they could. I feel, that it also gave the elderly more reason to live just a bit longer.

This is just my experience in this day and age ( I grew up in the 70's), which to me is sad.
Good point. It drives my batty that my MIL has her mother in a nursing home instead of living with her. My MIL does not work outside of the home and has a bedroom and bathroom on the main floor of the house that could easily accomadate her 91 year old mother who is not ill, just needs assistance with daily living. I just don't get it. The cost is astronomical and for a fraction of the nursing home my MIL could have a nurse or somebody come over to help with showers and such and Nana would have the joy of being with her family and seeing her great-granddaughters frequently during the week. I have one of those moms who "doesn't fit into the category" you mentioned, but I know she'll be living with us when the time comes (Lord give me strength ).
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,806,736 times
Reputation: 12316
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
Going out on a limb here, and will probably be massacred for it, but here goes.

I'll preface it by saying I mean NO OFFENSE to anyone or their choices- we all do what we feel is best for our kids (even if we disagree on methods sometimes!)

For me, traditional family values mean Husband, Wife, Church, Mom stays home, Dad works. Mom does most of the cooking and cleaning, dad mows the grass has a honey do list and takes out garbage. You teach your children manners, respect, right from wrong. Punishments are given for inappropriate behavior. Parents are PARENTS and not FRIENDS. Holidays are spent together, as a family. You monitor who your children are with at all times.

Largely, that is how our household works, and I love it. I do work from home and run my own business. Hubby does clean (more so on weekends) but I don't EXPECT it. I EXPECT him to make a decent living to support us, to be faithful and be a good husband and dad! Getting him to do laundry is just an added bonus!
Why would you get massacred for this? Your doing what you believe is right ~ it certainly is not hurting anyone else

My story sounds almost exactly as yours does, except I take out the garbage and cut the lawn. Oh, and hubby is not allowed to touch the laundry!!! Only because he shrinks all my pants!! LOL
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:03 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,342,463 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjb68 View Post
Only because he shrinks all my pants!! LOL
My dad figured that trick out too. Now he's happy my step-mom only asks him to take care of the towels. LOL.
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,806,736 times
Reputation: 12316
Quote:
Originally Posted by theqbaby View Post
Another difference in todays "families", is the care of our parents.
"Back in the day", it was typical to care for mom and dad once they became ill and elderly.
It was quite common to have elderly family members (mom, dad,grandma ect.) living with family instead of in nursing homes.
I came from a large family of children. And when it came down to the care of our ailing parents, those with careers were "too busy" or "couldn't rearrange their lives", to take mom and dad the last stretch of their lives. Even though they had the big house/ extra room, the live in maid, access to a visiting nurse ect.
This bothers me to a great extent. Without our "parents", we would not be who we are today. They (for the most part) did the best they could for us. Granted not all parents fit into this category, but I believe in one way or the other, our parents definitely had an influence on who we became.
I feel, in todays world, there is a tremendous lack of compassion for our parents/elderly. How often is it today, that you have parents/elderly living with their children instead of in the nursing home for their last days ? I don't see nearly as much of this situation as I did years ago. Growing up, it was quite common to have grandma/grandpa as part of the every day family, knowing the grandchildren and helping, in whatever small way they could. I feel, that it also gave the elderly more reason to live just a bit longer.

This is just my experience in this day and age ( I grew up in the 70's), which to me is sad.
Qbabe, I think you can remove the thread killer, because you certainly are not!!

I would take my parents and my in-laws in if they became sick! I come from a large family that is very close. Remember back in the day (70's for me too) when we use to hang out with our cousins and we all grew up together? Anyway, my home is always open to our parents should they need to come live with us. I even bought the property next to my house just in case! Hopefully they are healthy til the end, but I certainly would take care of our parents if need be.
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