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Old 03-11-2016, 07:58 PM
 
51,577 posts, read 25,492,182 times
Reputation: 37738

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
move, pick up and start over. stay with your folks till you get on your feet again.
If this involves moving to where visitation will be difficult, check with an attorney first.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen fathers who couldn't care less about whether there was food in the refrigerator or the baby was playing with beer bottles then the wife move out with the baby and suddenly he's Mr. Mom.

Be aware that you could end up paying child support and seeing your kid on alternate weekends.
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Old 03-11-2016, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,954,964 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
If this involves moving to where visitation will be difficult, check with an attorney first.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen fathers who couldn't care less about whether there was food in the refrigerator or the baby was playing with beer bottles then the wife move out with the baby and suddenly he's Mr. Mom.

Be aware that you could end up paying child support and seeing your kid on alternate weekends.

I agree.
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Old 03-12-2016, 12:01 PM
 
7,984 posts, read 10,322,434 times
Reputation: 14999
First, get a lawyer. Florida uses equitable distribution as opposed to community property, which may work in your favor. In other words, you are basically entitled to everything you brought into the marriage and anything you may have purchased during the marriage. If you make 3 times as much as him, you may very well end up with 3 times as many assets. But you will need a lawyer to sort things out.
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Old 03-12-2016, 04:16 PM
 
6,720 posts, read 8,332,231 times
Reputation: 10409
I would personally move closer to my family. Get settled in your new town, away from the new guy. Then reevaluate your marriage without the distraction.

Then, if you still feel like divorce is your only option...follow through.
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Old 03-12-2016, 06:24 PM
 
57 posts, read 75,328 times
Reputation: 85
I'd assume in addition to the divorce you'll also have to work out custody. If you think that he will make it difficult because he doesn't want to split up then you need to pace yourself and think through things & plan accordingly. It's not a fun experience no matter how you look at it. You do need a way to get a new start. Try to get your credit in order. Make calls, see if you can work out a plan with your creditors to pay them off in a way you can afford so that you don't ignore that dark cloud (it will get you in the end). Get comfortable with lowering your standards for your needs in the meantime. In other words, you will have to drop down on your way of living in any way you can to start saving in any way you can. It will be the biggest pain in the a** especially living in a society where everyone seems to have what was once known as luxuries. So for instance- cut off the cable/satellite tv & subscribe to Netflix or get a roku or something. If you want to go drastic cut the internet & tv all together. Lower any bills you can. Get the cheapest phone plan you can without all the bells & whistles. Plan your meals at home & pick a day to cook in advance or just know what you will cook. By only buying what you have a plan to eat each week means less wasting on impulse buys. Shop the perimeter of the store (no processed or foods that come in a box). Overall its cheaper and healthier. Buy store brand everything, saving pennies adds up quickly. If he's not contributing 50/50 don't buy the foods he wants, buy the foods your daughter needs to stay healthy & what you need to survive. Give up all fast-food stops & restaurants. Go without buying anything new for a long time. Sit down with a pen & paper- write down your take home pay & then subtract your major bills- rent, car, insurance, etc. Decide what you usually spend on food & household supplies & take off $25-50 or more and set it aside in an envelope knowing thats all you have for that. Go without before you dip into any other money. Looking at what you have left, decide the most amount you can take out from each paycheck. Whether it be $100 or $10 make it the most possible and think of it as your payment to buy your future. Each time you cash your paycheck automatically take that amount out & seal it in a regular envelope. Write the date & amount on the outside. Get one of those big yellow envelopes & put it inside. Then pretend there are crocodiles inside that will bite off your fingers should you go into get any of the envelopes of money. Hide it & don't share with anyone especially him that you are saving this money. The more you can save the better you will be when you leave. The court will want to see that you are in a settled & safe environment with your daughter when it comes to custody. You should also keep a note book. Write down everything about what he does & doesn't do (especially with your daughter) and write the date and initial the entry. Courts will expect you have proof of any claims you make. You can use the notebook as a reference for yourself to prepare or maybe even in court. Also keep your receipts & if you can provide proof of what he's paid for vs what you've paid for it may help you in custody to show you are acting as the primary caregiver moreso than in divorce. Make him responsible for as many things as possible financially to help you get ahead. He shouldn't have a penny to spend on other things if the house & child aren't cared for or he shouldn't be allowed to live there. Easier said than done I know but maybe if he felt he had an obligation to pick up a second job maybe he would. Look for other single moms in need of babysitters. Maybe you could exchange childcare to suit a small part-time job. I know it's a tough situation but you can do it.
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Old 03-12-2016, 11:31 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,506,607 times
Reputation: 36262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
I would personally move closer to my family. Get settled in your new town, away from the new guy. Then reevaluate your marriage without the distraction.

Then, if you still feel like divorce is your only option...follow through.

The OP said her family is 500 miles away, so they're not in FL. You can't just pick up and go with your minor child(well you can and find yourself in trouble) to another state to relocate. Not that simple.
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Old 03-13-2016, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
4,053 posts, read 8,215,397 times
Reputation: 8040
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post

I'd assume in addition to the divorce you'll also have to work out custody. If you think that he will make it difficult because he doesn't want to split up then you need to pace yourself and think through things & plan accordingly. It's not a fun experience no matter how you look at it. You do need a way to get a new start.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post
Try to get your credit in order. Make calls, see if you can work out a plan with your creditors to pay them off in a way you can afford so that you don't ignore that dark cloud (it will get you in the end). Get comfortable with lowering your standards for your needs in the meantime.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post
In other words, you will have to drop down on your way of living in any way you can to start saving in any way you can. It will be the biggest pain in the a** especially living in a society where everyone seems to have what was once known as luxuries. So for instance- cut off the cable/satellite tv & subscribe to Netflix or get a roku or something. If you want to go drastic cut the internet & tv all together. Lower any bills you can. Get the cheapest phone plan you can without all the bells & whistles.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post
Plan your meals at home & pick a day to cook in advance or just know what you will cook. By only buying what you have a plan to eat each week means less wasting on impulse buys. Shop the perimeter of the store (no processed or foods that come in a box). Overall its cheaper and healthier. Buy store brand everything, saving pennies adds up quickly. If he's not contributing 50/50 don't buy the foods he wants, buy the foods your daughter needs to stay healthy & what you need to survive. Give up all fast-food stops & restaurants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post
Go without buying anything new for a long time. Sit down with a pen & paper- write down your take home pay & then subtract your major bills- rent, car, insurance, etc. Decide what you usually spend on food & household supplies & take off $25-50 or more and set it aside in an envelope knowing thats all you have for that. Go without before you dip into any other money. Looking at what you have left, decide the most amount you can take out from each paycheck. Whether it be $100 or $10 make it the most possible and think of it as your payment to buy your future. Each time you cash your paycheck automatically take that amount out & seal it in a regular envelope. Write the date & amount on the outside. Get one of those big yellow envelopes & put it inside. Then pretend there are crocodiles inside that will bite off your fingers should you go into get any of the envelopes of money. Hide it & don't share with anyone especially him that you are saving this money. The more you can save the better you will be when you leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post
The court will want to see that you are in a settled & safe environment with your daughter when it comes to custody. You should also keep a note book. Write down everything about what he does & doesn't do (especially with your daughter) and write the date and initial the entry. Courts will expect you have proof of any claims you make. You can use the notebook as a reference for yourself to prepare or maybe even in court. Also keep your receipts & if you can provide proof of what he's paid for vs what you've paid for it may help you in custody to show you are acting as the primary caregiver moreso than in divorce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tetonmom View Post

Make him responsible for as many things as possible financially to help you get ahead. He shouldn't have a penny to spend on other things if the house & child aren't cared for or he shouldn't be allowed to live there. Easier said than done I know but maybe if he felt he had an obligation to pick up a second job maybe he would. Look for other single moms in need of babysitters. Maybe you could exchange childcare to suit a small part-time job. I know it's a tough situation but you can do it.
This was a good post with helpful advice, but spaces are needed to make it readable.
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Old 03-13-2016, 12:35 PM
 
420 posts, read 700,767 times
Reputation: 753
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
The OP said her family is 500 miles away, so they're not in FL. You can't just pick up and go with your minor child(well you can and find yourself in trouble) to another state to relocate. Not that simple.
Exactly. Generally in a divorce the judge cannot tell the parents that they can or cannot move. He can, however, rule whether the children can move, and more often than not they want to keep the kids in the area they are most familiar with.
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Old 03-13-2016, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
3,644 posts, read 8,548,364 times
Reputation: 4505
So much for "for better or for worse". You got married in front of God. You'll have to deal with him later so you won't be inconvenienced now. And you are disrupting a little girl's life as well.

Just sayin'.
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Old 03-13-2016, 08:01 PM
 
Location: SA
275 posts, read 184,054 times
Reputation: 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by underPSI View Post
So much for "for better or for worse". You got married in front of God. You'll have to deal with him later so you won't be inconvenienced now. And you are disrupting a little girl's life as well.

Just sayin'.
I think removing a child of a home where one parent is stoned it's an awesome thing n the eyes of the Lord
He did not keep his marital promises and he doesnt seem to even try to change, thats enough forba biblical divorce, in any case there is separation of Church and State (thank God ) so....she can divorce for anymor no cause at all.
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