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Hi all. I'm a male in my 40's and happily married for 13 years. And I have never wanted a baby. The thought has always scared me to death. I see it as a huge responsibility that I don't want, almost like having a 2nd job. I thought in my 20's "well I'll feel differently in my 30's". But that never happened.
In my early 30's I did research at my work and asked seriously about 20 different married guys who were older and had kids, if they knew for sure they wanted kids, or did they just go with the flow and have them even though they had doubts? Not one of them said they had any doubts about it. They all were 100% sure they wanted kids before they had them. So basically I was totally the opposite of them.
Anyone have theories on why some people like me don't want babies? I have another friend who loves kids, plays with his little cousins all the time but like me is adamant on not ever having any babies (he is married too). I noticed we both have something similar, our fathers were very stern / serious, and not the best fathers in the world. Was thinking that was the reason why? My brother also does not want kids. Your thoughts?
Kids are like a second job. There are some rewarding moments in parenthood but there's a lot of hard work in between those rewarding moments.
It's perfectly fine if you don't want kids, as long as your wife feels the same way. Maybe you just have different goals from the guys who knew they wanted kids. There are things you can do and afford when you don't have kids, which are more difficult when you do have kids.
Assuming one is a responsible parent, they are a significant responsibility; they cost a lot of money to care, feed and raise; you can no longer do what you want when you want, etc.
If it makes you feel better humans have been trying to control pregnancy for as long as there has been written record, and probably a few hundred thousand years before that. There is some evidence Neanderthals actively practiced infanticide to control their populations.
It may actually be a near universal train among humans to control their birth rate. Since humans have no mating season ,in theory, kids can be born anytime. We also have an exceptionally long period between childhood and adulthood, which means a certain populace percentage cannot actively contribute resources to the tribe, but will actively use said resources. It actually makes sense for humans to want to limit their offspring to levels they feel they can actually rear, or in some case, never have.
I've never really had a paternal instinct at all. Even if I did, a couple things would stop me.
1) Cost - it's probably going to cost well into the six figures to raise each child into adulthood, starting today. That's a huge amount of money that doesn't go into retirement funds or other purposes.
I've also seen a couple cases where the child ended up severely ill, bankrupting the family. A woman who graduated from my high school a few years before me had two children, and then the third ended up with some sort of heart disease, requiring heart and double lung transplant, along with numerous other surgeries, that basically confined him to a hospital for years before dying at 7 years old. The wife had to stop working and I can't even imagine the expense of this. It's well beyond the capacity for virtually anyone to pay.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids! They ARE expensive and time consuming if cared for well. On the other hand, they are a lot of fun and can grow up to be your best friend.
I don't think there's just one reason for it, but here are some ideas:
1. Because it requires people to be responsible and stop living their lives purely for themselves. This doesn't apply to people with poor impulse control, of course.
2. Because you're afraid of becoming your own father.
3. Because you feel like other things are more important.
I don't think there's just one reason for it, but here are some ideas:
1. Because it requires people to be responsible and stop living their lives purely for themselves. This doesn't apply to people with poor impulse control, of course.
2. Because you're afraid of becoming your own father.
3. Because you feel like other things are more important.
4. Because you're afraid of change.
And more...
Not really, not anymore. Between the schools and welfare programs that all has changed.
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