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Old 02-10-2008, 04:23 PM
 
3 posts, read 16,585 times
Reputation: 13

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My Son stole from me and his sister in the past, he lies allot about everything, just recently I was contacted by the school where they suspected him of stealing another persons cell phone, at first he denied it, however after being taken to juvenile for a interview he admitted it to me afterwards. We paid for the cell phone and he received 5 day out of school suspension from school.

friends of our family contacted me several days later and spoke to me about my son being suspected of taking things from their home , money , camera , watches , at first I said not my son but had this gut instinct that he was involved . The family friends had to make a police report due the amount of the items taken from the home. My son denied doing this. I still had this gut feeling he was not telling me the truth.

He is not a angry kid, or disrespectful, normally pretty good to be around. He was diagnosed with adhd at age 10 and has been on meds for this since, recently switched to Vyvanse.

After a family meeting yesterday with my parents and sister and my son, my son admitted to doing this. He made an attempt to return the money by giving it to a friend to drop off to the house, however the friend took the money.

So I contacted my sons friends parents and we got allot more out of this whole story, My son and his friend would visit our family friends home and take things from there house from time to time. We have recovered about everything. The police are involved and we are to interview with them tomorrow. I am an ex-police and I am feeling horribly guilty over this and if I have done my job raising my son correctly. I have contacted a therapist for an appointment for my Son and I.

I am afraid that this is serious enough that he could be in very big trouble; I think we are rock bottom, I have asked him to tell me about anything else he has done so it will be out in the open now.

What will happen? What should I do?


We will be meeting with the other family friends today to return the items and I will pay for the things that are not replaced.
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Old 02-10-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,045,476 times
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I plan on taking my daughter who is now 11 on a tour of juvenile all someday if I can get it arranged with the Sheriff's department.

Other then getting him in to see a therapist and letting him know the full extent of the consequences I'm not sure what you can do. I should imagine he did it for the thrill of it. You say you recovered the items that were stolen so he wasn't stealing things and selling them for money. Sounds like a thrill kind of thing.

Your problems would be FAR worse if he was stealing and selling the things for money to buy drugs.
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,150,533 times
Reputation: 4989
Wondering if it's the company he keeps and he's succumbing to the "I dare you!" phase. I hope that the therapist could provide some insight, and if this behavior is being exacerbated by his meds. Has anything else changed in the household or school environment that's possibly causing this?
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Old 02-10-2008, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,151,232 times
Reputation: 4865
This sounds like my younger sister. My dad lets me use my old bedroom as a storage bin for stuff that won't fit in my apartment. Well, I have to get everything out.

She steals anything and everything she finds "cool". She has stolen in-work art of mine, signed her name to it, and shown it off as her own. I had a mini-savings bank in there to basically hide money from myself. It was in a locked mini-safe. She got into it with bolt cutters and took every bit inside - then said that she knew nothing of it.

She steals from my father - even stole his old wedding ring (he's divorced) and pawned it off. She steals from my mother when she goes to visit.

She's stolen at school, fired from her first job for attempting to steal from the register... Up until now, my father has actually stood up for that thief. He told me that it's my fault she's a thief - because we used to take cookies from the pantry when I was like 7. How he connects "stealing" of cookies to stealing several hundred dollars... He also explained to my mother and myself that if we didn't want things stolen, they should not be in places where she can get to them.

His final straw was when he found that his ring was stolen. We tried to tell him that the same "shouldn't be there for her to steal" applies to him and that we're not sympathetic to his situation since he never was for us.... he was quite furious.

So, this summer, she's officially moving to my mother's house and being sent off to military school.
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Old 02-10-2008, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,248 posts, read 20,601,350 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosery View Post
My Son stole from me and his sister in the past, he lies allot about everything, just recently I was contacted by the school where they suspected him of stealing another persons cell phone, at first he denied it, however after being taken to juvenile for a interview he admitted it to me afterwards. We paid for the cell phone and he received 5 day out of school suspension from school.

friends of our family contacted me several days later and spoke to me about my son being suspected of taking things from their home , money , camera , watches , at first I said not my son but had this gut instinct that he was involved . The family friends had to make a police report due the amount of the items taken from the home. My son denied doing this. I still had this gut feeling he was not telling me the truth.

He is not a angry kid, or disrespectful, normally pretty good to be around. He was diagnosed with adhd at age 10 and has been on meds for this since, recently switched to Vyvanse.

After a family meeting yesterday with my parents and sister and my son, my son admitted to doing this. He made an attempt to return the money by giving it to a friend to drop off to the house, however the friend took the money.

So I contacted my sons friends parents and we got allot more out of this whole story, My son and his friend would visit our family friends home and take things from there house from time to time. We have recovered about everything. The police are involved and we are to interview with them tomorrow. I am an ex-police and I am feeling horribly guilty over this and if I have done my job raising my son correctly. I have contacted a therapist for an appointment for my Son and I.

I am afraid that this is serious enough that he could be in very big trouble; I think we are rock bottom, I have asked him to tell me about anything else he has done so it will be out in the open now.

What will happen? What should I do?


We will be meeting with the other family friends today to return the items and I will pay for the things that are not replaced.
The first thing that should be done is that he spend at least a weekend in jail and be hauled before a judge who wilol make it clear that, if he ever does it again, the punishment will be much worse next time.
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:12 PM
 
3 posts, read 16,585 times
Reputation: 13
While visiting my Doctor today I explained that I was not feeling very well somewhat stressed over my son and some of the problems he has been involved with. From one parent to another she said, You have done your job, he has reached past formative years where he knows the things you have taught him, right from wrong, honesty. She also said not to blame yourself for his misfortunes and to live your life. Be there to guide him but he is at a age now where he needs to take the things you have taught him and make it work for him. The person he has developed into at this age is the type of character he will have and the person he will be.
You have been a good dad, being there for him, providing for him, giving him life lessons along the way. It is his turn to make it work by using the things you have taught him. Your job is done.
"Don't blame yourself" I am still having a hard time dealing with all of this.

We met with all of the parents and the three boys involved, tonight and the family friends that they stole from. It was pretty rough for them my son and one other were pretty much balling , they were as honest with the family and told them everything and returned every thing except for a digital camera that they sold to some kid at school for 100 bucks. The camera was a professional model valued at 1000.00, I felt responsible so I paid the family for this .

We are going to the juvenile courts tomorrow evening for a informal meeting , The family advised they will come along and will not prosecute , but the state can continue with this and pick it up on there own, we will have to see.

The family requested that my Son volunteer at their Church which they will set up, We will have the private therapist meeting Tuesday and have his doctor re-evaluate his adhd medication, My son mentioned to me that the medicine makes him feel no regard for anything, like he doesn't care.


This is the first thing that he has done of this nature besides lying to me. otherwise a good kid , kind hearted , and respects me and his mother. I have told all the boys that they are no longer allowed to hang out until changes in themselves are seen. He will be my shadow for awhile, I think a new girlfriend and the need to impress has something to do with it. I will be talking with the girlfriends parents also, they need to know.

Being a retired Police Officer the last thing I wanted to see was my son go into Juvenile jail, It makes criminals better criminals.

I appreciate everyone’s advice it really helps

Last edited by mosery; 02-10-2008 at 09:21 PM..
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:17 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,437,255 times
Reputation: 47456
the good work you are doing is already having an affect even though you cannt see it.
get the school counselor and minister of church on board.
thank you for caring.
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,287,201 times
Reputation: 1154
I really feel for you. This seems to be a pretty common problem among kids with ADD/ADHD. My son has has similar issues in the past, although on a much smaller scale. He is extremely impulsive and easily influenced by his peers.

Something you should definitely do is have him work off the $1000 you paid for the camera. My son owed about $200 to me and I assigned dollar values to various chores and it took him a good 9 months to "work off" his debt.

I encourage you to stick with the therapy. My son goes individually and we go as a family. It has helped bring many different issues to light and has really helped.

Lots of luck!
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Old 02-12-2008, 04:27 PM
 
3 posts, read 16,585 times
Reputation: 13
Default update

My son admitted to the things he did , and seems remorseful over it, I received a apology letter from him today as well as we met with the Juvenile officer last night where he spoke to them about everything. This is not easy for me, I believe he is rock bottom now, not all kids are the same. This one of mine is kind hearted, and has always been respectful to me and his mother. Probably, why it is so shocking to us.

He will work this money I paid off, I even thought about selling his four wheeler , but that is fun for me.

The family he took from agreed not to prosecute , but I am really thinking about that, The DJO advised that I will be involved in the informal meeting to discuss his plan, He suggested 8 weeks worth of motivational classes they offer , after school once a week.

Also I am bad about going to church, but I am going to re-introduce this to my family on Sunday's and get him involved in some honest youth activities.

I am feeling a little pressure lifted from me as I see him remorseful and upset now.

Thank you for your input
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