Hi i'm new to this forum and need advice (meal, baby, girls)
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Well I do tell the kids everyday what I expect of them, I have been working my butt off trying to train the pup he is mostly house trained he has had accidents a few times but it is instantly cleaned up but that rarely happens now. I always do all cooking dishes laundry most of kids stuff everything to get them ready in morning for school and bathes he helps with dog an house projects and what he wants to do for house or kids i do what has to be done daily. I didn't have not one day after he passed that I didnt have to cook or do household stuff. I don't know if I 'm depressed. My bf has been saying he is going to start doing more to help me he knows I am having some trouble with the kids an just trying to do everything, it seems nothing is ever done. I do feel sometimes like I want to just stay in bed but it's never possible an what kills me is my bf would get the kids something to eat or w/e they needed but they won't ask him they constantly are wanting me to do this or that but won't even ask him but yet they listen to him and not me. You understood me wrong the kids were not raised by grand parents. I lived with my dad after I got pregnant with my daughter b/c her dad beat me up so I left him moved in with my dad an lived there for a yr after she was born her dad wasn't involved period. S o my dad helped me with everything with her then i met my now bf we got our own place had a 2nd child an my dad was just actively involved with me an my kids he was my rock he just loved us and would of done anything for us. the kids have always been in my care my now bf an me have been together 8 yrs almost so he took on being my daughters father she doesn't know he isn't. My kids are not out of control they just wont do the few things i expect of them without being told over n over they acknowledge what their doing wrong an will do better but it doesn't last more than a day.
I'm not at the stage where i'm crying all the time anymore about my dad but its like it never totally leaves. I think of him everyday. Today there was a easter egg hunt at the cemetary hes at an my kids wanted to go. I was going to go but last minute decided I couldn't an didn't want to ruin something that was supposed to be fun for my kids so we're going to a diff egg hunt couple days.
Well I do tell the kids everyday what I expect of them, I have been working my butt off trying to train the pup he is mostly house trained he has had accidents a few times but it is instantly cleaned up but that rarely happens now. I always do all cooking dishes laundry most of kids stuff everything to get them ready in morning for school and bathes he helps with dog an house projects and what he wants to do for house or kids i do what has to be done daily.
I didn't have not one day after he passed that I didnt have to cook or do household stuff. I don't know if I 'm depressed. My bf has been saying he is going to start doing more to help me he knows I am having some trouble with the kids an just trying to do everything, it seems nothing is ever done. I do feel sometimes like I want to just stay in bed but it's never possible an what kills me is my bf would get the kids something to eat or w/e they needed but they won't ask him they constantly are wanting me to do this or that but won't even ask him but yet they listen to him and not me. You understood me wrong the kids were not raised by grand parents. I lived with my dad after I got pregnant with my daughter b/c her dad beat me up so I left him moved in with my dad an lived there for a yr after she was born her dad wasn't involved period. S o my dad helped me with everything with her then i met my now bf we got our own place had a 2nd child an my dad was just actively involved with me an my kids he was my rock he just loved us and would of done anything for us. the kids have always been in my care my now bf an me have been together 8 yrs almost so he took on being my daughters father she doesn't know he isn't. My kids are not out of control they just wont do the few things i expect of them without being told over n over they acknowledge what their doing wrong an will do better but it doesn't last more than a day.
Have you considered that your little children (6 and 8 are still little children) don't help you around the house because they see the "grown-up" , "adult" male in the house mostly sitting on his butt, saying that he will help you but never actually helping you? Think about this, really think about it.
And, why should his own child have to ASK him for something to eat? Shouldn't a grown man realize that children have to eat and actually fix meals for his child & his child's sibling? Sheesh! It looks like you have three little children that you have to care for every day.
Lol, I do get that. I have said that, don't get me wrong its not always like that with the kids not listening they do sometimes an other times they give me trouble. My youngest will help me around the house with something I am doing but won't clean his room, which I'm just happy he will help me. But my daughter just has been doing total opposite of wht shes told lately. I think she's going through things an i don't know. see i end up making exscuses for them an i realize that but i know they're good kids, its my fault for letting them all get away with it. YES he should just do that but won't unless they say the're hungry to him i on other hand just make meals b/c its what i know i have to do. he says he wants to wait until they ask b/c he doesn't want to cook an them try to waste b/c their not hungry. plus i think its his exscuse to not have to cook.
Both children are considered his though. They don't know otherwise. We have been together since she was 8 or 9 mos. old and she doesn't know anything about him not being her dad
Can you get some food that's easy to prepare? Yogurts, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, frozen burritos, breakfast cereal, fruit, that kind of thing? Let the kids know what foods it's okay to help themselves to, and they'll do that some of the times that they're hungry. My kids have done that for years, probably started at age 5 or so. It means sometimes you have to deal with the mess from their meals but at least they can eat when they're hungry without you having to cook something every time.
Also, I was reading some of the other posts and I don't think you dropped the ball with the kids or missed the chance to "use the strap" or anything like that. I think you and your kids are all grieving right now and that's normal. Your kids may not be able to express it as well as an adult would, it might show up in more subtle ways, but kids have feelings just as strong as adults do and they don't have any of the same outlets for those feelings that adults have. Love your little family and be there for them while they're dealing with their feelings. If the house is a mess or you're feeding them fast food more often than you usually would, it's not a big deal. You probably realize that the suddenness of your dad's illness and death is very frightening to them and they wonder if that could happen to them or to you or to their dad...that might be something you need to talk to them about.
And you probably can't change your boyfriend. You can focus on the things he doesn't do and be mad about them, or think about the ways that he does make your life better and the things that he does do. He knows that the kids are hungry at mealtimes, saying he's waiting for them to ask is a cop out. Getting some meals that are easy for him to cook would be an option...when I was in a wheelchair and couldn't stand up to cook, we bought things that my husband thought he could cook. It meant eating nuggets and mac and cheese or grilled cheese and ramen noodles most nights, but everyone was fed and we survived those couple of months. If you're a really great cook, that might make your boyfriend less likely to try to cook anything. I tell myself that's why my husband won't cook, because he knows he can't make anything as good as I can.
LOL I liked your post hedgemom. I already buy some of those things and that's what goes on but if they like waste or don't clean up their food mess he flips. I just clean it or make the kids. I do need to get more of that stuff than what I do. I am not going to strap my kids, my dad never had to do that we respected him so much all he had to do was give a lokk. lol I know thats why i have a tough time being so firm or strict right now b/c i know they probably are having troubles w/o my dad too. I mean I am so I imagine they are too but its like the only time my daughter brings it up is when she's in trouble so my bf thinks she uses it to make me feel bad an get out of trouble but i don't know.
At that age they cannot take responsibility but what you can do let them to clean when you clean the house with you. Buy them a kids size broom and dust pan and in a way of playing you can train your kids.
It sounds like, in addition to being depressed about the death of your father, you have a serious, serious problem with your BF.
IMHO, if he was laid off and you both were home, he should have immediately stepped up and did half of all of the cooking, half of all of the cleaning, half of all of the child care, half of everything. In fact, IMHO, because of your depression due to the death of your father a man who really loved you would have started to do even more than half of everything to allow you time to grieve and regain your health & strength.
Some people don't see things on their own so they have to be asked or flat out told to help. Then they willingly do. And they'll say Well why didn't you say something sooner? I'm not a mind reader!
today was first day they didn't let pup out but it's gotten where my kids won't get dressed brush hair teeth etc without being told. I already put their clothes out they should at least do those things without being told. That bugs me. lol
Remember Discipline is teaching them that's a important thing to remember plus it will help you from feeling like the bad person to them . tell them something like if they don't do those little things you want them to do then they will be grounded from having friends over or using the computer for a week something like that and if you hold true to that if they want those things to do bad enough they will start to do what you want them to do.
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