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Scare tactics won't work and it will just make the daughter angry and drive a wedge in the relationship between them. Nagging doesn't work either, nor does pleading or begging. The best thing the dad can do is not allow the daughter to smoke around him. (Source: a former teenage smoker who started at age 15). He can't control the daughter's actions around the ex. As with all bad habits and addictions, the daughter must choose to stop on her own. Ask anyone who has been addicted to a substance or even had a bad habit of something. Even if she wasn't getting cigs from Mom, she could easily get them from someone else. Sorry, OP. I know this wasn't the answer you were hoping for, but it's the truth. It took me 20 years to give them up.
I agree with this. Fifteen year-olds see no relation to themselves and an eighty year-old lung cancer patient. People always think they're going to beat the odds, that they are the exception. Old age to a teenager might as well be a million years from now. It's why our government can spend bilions of dollars on PSAs telling people not to smoke, drive drunk, or do drugs yet millions of people still do. The strongest motivations to end bad habits are when those habits are no longer acceptable to their peer group or when they interfere with something they love more than the habit. When I was two, my dad quit cold turkey when his doctor told him if he wanted to see me reach three he'd better stop. Your daughter will be compelled to quit if she has a crush on a boy who is turned off by smoking, or wants to be friends with girls who won't accept it. Some other posters mentioned athletics; if that is a passion of hers and she's a competitive person, that could compel her to quit.
I also don't think it would be too far fetched to seek professional counseling, or even call CPS. In CA our state assembly just passed a law raising the smoking age to 21 (hasn't been signed by the governor yet) so in a way what your ex is doing could be seen in some locales as the same as supplying her with alcohol! She's deliberately supplying an addictive poison with no health benefits to a young, growing body in her care.
The only thing any one ever said that struck me when I was a teenage smoker is a female doctor spared me the lecture and just said "you know, it gives you wrinkles". Part of it I was prepared for the lecture I had heard 1000 times, so it caught me off guard. But it did sit on my teenage brain so much more then lung cancer when you are 80. Teenage girls are vain.
I wish I had known how bad I smelled. When you smoke you can't really smell it. And when you live in a house with smokers you can't really smell it. But I would have been seriously offended if someone told me how bad I smelled.
If nothing else works, you could try getting her an e-cigarette with cool flavors. Something trendy looking. Might get her to smoke the e-cigarette instead of the real ones, which while not being the ideal scenario, would still be better than the current situation. They are much less harmful to your health, and they also can help you quit (it's easier to gradually reduce the amount of nicotine you use).
This thread is so sad. The mom is killing herself and her daughter, and anything the dad tries to do will be met with much resistance. The mom should be so ashamed of herself.
All that said, if the dad really cares about the daughter's health, it's probably time to do something that will strain the relationship. Who knows if the daughter will quit (probably won't), but you just can't have an adult buying tobacco products for a 15 year old. Illegal, immoral, and disgusting.
Tell her she is too smart and pretty a girl to let a habit control HER. Tell her you know it will be hard since she is already addicted but you know she is strong enough to stop for herself and maybe for you. I'd offer her $5 for every day that she doesn't smoke and if she is smoke free in six months, I'd offer a weekend trip or something expensive that she really wants. Sometimes you have to bribe teenagers because they will only listen to CASH or getting something they really want. She will come to the realization on her own that a lot of boys don't want to date girls who smoke or that a lot of girls don't want to hang around them either. Tell her what a great cheerleader she would make and offer her something great if she makes the team.
Let her know how proud you will be of her when she finally stops. If you don't worry about her and try to help her make good choices, who will? Obviously not your ex.
She knows that smoking is addictive and the health consequences involved, but that will not sway her at this point, especially since her mom smokes and appears to be fine.
My mom started buying me and my sister cigs when we were 12/13. My dad was so freaking mad. But he couldn't do anything about it. He even went to the police and they laughed him out of the station. And me and my sister wouldn't listen to him, nor did we care what he thought. So it isn't really a way out there post at all. Is it? Unless I had a "way out there" childhood.
Scare tactics won't work and it will just make the daughter angry and drive a wedge in the relationship between them. Nagging doesn't work either, nor does pleading or begging. The best thing the dad can do is not allow the daughter to smoke around him. (Source: a former teenage smoker who started at age 15). He can't control the daughter's actions around the ex. As with all bad habits and addictions, the daughter must choose to stop on her own. Ask anyone who has been addicted to a substance or even had a bad habit of something. Even if she wasn't getting cigs from Mom, she could easily get them from someone else. Sorry, OP. I know this wasn't the answer you were hoping for, but it's the truth. It took me 20 years to give them up.
Yeah you're right, the scare tactics will not work. But if someone who she sees as cool reasonably talks to her about it, that might help guide her in the right direction.
Also, there might be a chance she's depressed and isn't even worried about the long term consequences for that reason.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaphawoman
I agree with this. Fifteen year-olds see no relation to themselves and an eighty year-old lung cancer patient. People always think they're going to beat the odds, that they are the exception. Old age to a teenager might as well be a million years from now. It's why our government can spend bilions of dollars on PSAs telling people not to smoke, drive drunk, or do drugs yet millions of people still do. The strongest motivations to end bad habits are when those habits are no longer acceptable to their peer group or when they interfere with something they love more than the habit. When I was two, my dad quit cold turkey when his doctor told him if he wanted to see me reach three he'd better stop. Your daughter will be compelled to quit if she has a crush on a boy who is turned off by smoking, or wants to be friends with girls who won't accept it. Some other posters mentioned athletics; if that is a passion of hers and she's a competitive person, that could compel her to quit.
I also don't think it would be too far fetched to seek professional counseling, or even call CPS. In CA our state assembly just passed a law raising the smoking age to 21 (hasn't been signed by the governor yet) so in a way what your ex is doing could be seen in some locales as the same as supplying her with alcohol! She's deliberately supplying an addictive poison with no health benefits to a young, growing body in her care.
I don't agree with the smoking age being any higher than 18.
Smoking is a bad habit of course, but people who are the age of majority should have the right to make decisions for themselves. If an 18-20 year old commits a crime, he or she gets charged as an adult and goes to adult prison, so why would they be deemed mature enough for that, but not mature enough to make decisions about their own body?
Yeah you're right, the scare tactics will not work. But if someone who she sees as cool reasonably talks to her about it, that might help guide her in the right direction.
Also, there might be a chance she's depressed and isn't even worried about the long term consequences for that reason.
I don't agree with the smoking age being any higher than 18.
Smoking is a bad habit of course, but people who are the age of majority should have the right to make decisions for themselves. If an 18-20 year old commits a crime, he or she gets charged as an adult and goes to adult prison, so why would they be deemed mature enough for that, but not mature enough to make decisions about their own body?
Me neither, and I absolutely loathe cigarette smoking. It killed my grandmother right in front of me when I was a child. But if CA raises the smoking age to 21 they're doing nothing but making it edgy/glamorous/hip/cool. Politicians and their nanny state thinking.
Me neither, and I absolutely loathe cigarette smoking. It killed my grandmother right in front of me when I was a child. But if CA raises the smoking age to 21 they're doing nothing but making it edgy/glamorous/hip/cool. Politicians and their nanny state thinking.
That's definitely true, like how the drinking age is 21 in the US, yet drinking is extremely common among 18-20 year olds. As a matter of fact, it's even common among people as young as 14-15.
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