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Old 03-22-2016, 11:45 AM
 
218 posts, read 157,652 times
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What she is doing is actually illegal. You cannot buy a minor cigarettes.
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Old 03-22-2016, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,721 posts, read 7,372,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
Take her to volunteer at a local cancer clinic.
That kind of stuff rarely works...teens don't think they'll ever die or that THEY won't be the one to get cancer. And to be honest, certainly not everyone who smokes DOES get cancer - smart adults don't take that chance but foolhardy teens do.
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Old 03-22-2016, 12:49 PM
 
2 posts, read 5,164 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
My mom started me and my sister smoking when we were about 12. It was to get us to hang out with her. She would give us smokes to keep us hanging around and talk with her.

I quit in my early 20s. Nothing anyone said would have gotten me to quit until I was ready. I think the best thing you can do is let her know as soon as she is ready, you will provide support by getting her the patch or other means. And emotional support because it is tough!

Smoking isn't "cool" like when I started 20 years ago...she might be encouraged to quit by friends. But it could also encourage her to hang out with "bad kids" who also smoke.

Its a tough spot...but I wouldn't alienate her. I don't think you need to "allow" it, but I don't think tackling her when she goes out to smoke is going to help. Or try to punish her. Just be honest that you worry about her health and her future and you are here to help her when she is ready to quit.
Yeah, I think that's the issue here. It's just her and our daughter so she views allowing her to smoke as just another way to hang out. Ex wife would buy cartons of cigarettes and although she would usually smoke outside she would inevitably still bring the smoke smell in. Honestly it's one reason I am glad to no longer be married to her.

I am pretty sure she gets smokes from kids at school, for whatever reason the police are also quite nonchalant about underage smoking. About the time school lets out I go by a local convenience store which is a place kids like to meet up and hang out and I always see them smoking.

I have shown her various websites of what smoking can do but daughter just blows it off. She even said "Mother smokes and she's fine".
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Old 03-22-2016, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
339 posts, read 157,245 times
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You mentioned that she wants to try out for the cheer squad but that being a smoker wouldn't be a good fit. You might want to encourage her to try out. If the cheer leaders don't smoke, that may be some good peer pressure to get her to quit. She also might experience some of the effects of smoking if she is active (coughing, etc) which might make her realize the actual impact on her body.
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Old 03-22-2016, 01:02 PM
 
13,501 posts, read 14,096,831 times
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have you ever been a smoker or know anyone who is an ex smoker? I would explain how hard of an addiction it is to overcome the longer she smokes. they say quitting smoking is harder than kicking heroine. she soon, if not already will have a body clock that is chained to a cigarette. her cravings will outweigh her rational thought. addiction also tells you, you don't want to quit. she also may be bored and it fills her time. can you get her on the back of a horse? in soccer or some other sports activity. there are also boys that will not date a smoker because they stink.
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Old 03-22-2016, 01:09 PM
 
11,470 posts, read 5,732,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
Time to show your daughter every horribly graphic photo of people who've been ravaged by smoking that you can get your hands on. Remember those movies from the 90's called Red Asphalt? They were shown in my high school to scare kids from driving drunk and they were GRAPHIC- I'll never forget the one part where a person was picking up the body of a dead teen girl and the girl's insides literally spilled out of her. That caused some puking in class that day. Perhaps your daughter will at least have the seed planted about how awful smoking is for her if she sees the true effects.

You also may want to talk to the school counselor's and get some advice/insight on what you can do to help your daughter. I would be LIVID if my teenager was smoking and honestly, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to get her to stop. My husband was a chain smoker for 16 years and quit cold turkey when I got pregnant 7 years ago. The quality of his life increased dramatically, not to mention mine and our children's lives, too.
Scare tactics don't work, and everyone already knows the effects of smoking anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aeliusg View Post
Yeah, I think that's the issue here. It's just her and our daughter so she views allowing her to smoke as just another way to hang out. Ex wife would buy cartons of cigarettes and although she would usually smoke outside she would inevitably still bring the smoke smell in. Honestly it's one reason I am glad to no longer be married to her.

I am pretty sure she gets smokes from kids at school, for whatever reason the police are also quite nonchalant about underage smoking. About the time school lets out I go by a local convenience store which is a place kids like to meet up and hang out and I always see them smoking.

I have shown her various websites of what smoking can do but daughter just blows it off. She even said "Mother smokes and she's fine".
Underage smoking isn't illegal, it's only illegal to sell cigarettes to a minor.
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Old 03-22-2016, 03:31 PM
 
11,683 posts, read 5,630,113 times
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Your ex is a chain smoker. Many parents who smoke are well aware of the negative consequences and while they themselves smoke, they don't enable or encourage their kids to do so. I'm sorry, but your ex must be a brain dead idiot if she sees nothing wrong with getting your daughter hooked. To me, that's a form of child abuse.

I agree with others who say you need to do something along the lines of either reporting this to CPS or to her guidance counselor. If you report it to her guidance counselor, by law the counselor is required to report this to CPS. This may be more palatable than you going directly to CPS.

Next, you should see about getting full custody of your daughter. Explain the situation to your lawyer. Will having full custody of her be easy? No. She will be angry that she is away from her mother and her supply of cigarettes. She will, no doubt, demand to go back to her mother. With some counseling and some smoking cessation help, you could (hopefully) wean her off them. Of course, once she turns 18, she's free to do what she wants. If she wants to go back to smoking, don't ever enable her by giving her any money.
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Old 03-22-2016, 03:51 PM
 
11,470 posts, read 5,732,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BOS2IAD View Post
Your ex is a chain smoker. Many parents who smoke are well aware of the negative consequences and while they themselves smoke, they don't enable or encourage their kids to do so. I'm sorry, but your ex must be a brain dead idiot if she sees nothing wrong with getting your daughter hooked. To me, that's a form of child abuse.

I agree with others who say you need to do something along the lines of either reporting this to CPS or to her guidance counselor. If you report it to her guidance counselor, by law the counselor is required to report this to CPS. This may be more palatable than you going directly to CPS.

Next, you should see about getting full custody of your daughter. Explain the situation to your lawyer. Will having full custody of her be easy? No. She will be angry that she is away from her mother and her supply of cigarettes. She will, no doubt, demand to go back to her mother. With some counseling and some smoking cessation help, you could (hopefully) wean her off them. Of course, once she turns 18, she's free to do what she wants. If she wants to go back to smoking, don't ever enable her by giving her any money.
I kinda doubt this would be considered grounds for her to lose custody.
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Old 03-22-2016, 04:45 PM
 
5,273 posts, read 12,001,594 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aeliusg View Post
My ex wife is a chain smoker and actually buys smokes for our 15 year old daughter! We got divorced two years ago and I have her every other week. I first noticed when she would come over smelling like smoke but initially attributed it to just her being at her mothers but despite being smart enough to smoke outside she left some cigarette butts and I asked her. Come to find out she said she started by taking her mothers but my ex instead of not supporting it just ended up buying her packs.

I did talk to the ex about it and she just said "Well, she just started taking mine and I started smoking from my mother". Totally nonchalant about it. Granted she was a smoker when we initially married but only became a chain smoker later. Obviously I don't buy our daughter any cigarettes but I know she gets some from kids at school and well, her mother will continue buying her packs when she's home, otherwise our daughter gets really irritated when she doesn't have a smoke and at only 15 it's especially bad starting so early, not that there's a good time to start but it's already affected her in various ways. For example she wanted to try cheer leading but it's definitely not very doable as a smoker.

I feel like my hands are tied though. I've tried talking to my wife as I've sad more than once but to her it's not a big deal.
My dad caught me smoking at age 14. He didn't say much. A week or so later he drove me to meet a friend. The "friend" was a man with a hideous tube in his throat and no ability to speak except with an apparatus. "Do you know who I am?", he asked me. "No." "I am you in 50 years." And he walked away. End of conversation. I quit a week or two later.


Point being I doubt you can talk her out of it. But if you can make her to understand the consequences she may decide on her own to quit.
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Old 03-22-2016, 04:49 PM
 
11,683 posts, read 5,630,113 times
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Originally Posted by l1995 View Post
I kinda doubt this would be considered grounds for her to lose custody.
Hard to say. The OP needs to talk to his lawyer to find out for sure.
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