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Old 03-23-2016, 03:35 AM
 
1,040 posts, read 542,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
The neighbor lady is getting paid to watch all those kids. They shouldn't be at my house as she is responsible for them not me.
Responsibility. If I put aside for a minute the issue of the 11 year old on several occasions telling your daughter to go home, I wonder about a legal issue: Who is legally responsible for your daughter when your daughter is on the neighbor's property? Particularly during day care hours. The neighbor? The caregiver? The other kids? You? No one? What would a court rule? To me it doesn't seem reasonable that the caregiver would want to be liable for the welfare of any child who is not part of the household or the day care, no matter what has been said. And the neighbor could be very liable if anything were to happen to your daughter while your daughter is on her property, no matter what has been said.

Last edited by LiaLia; 03-23-2016 at 04:04 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 03-23-2016, 05:24 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,498,767 times
Reputation: 23714
Geeze no wonder kids don't get to play outside anymore! Who cares if she is playing in the neighbors yard. The op is watching her close enough to know what is happening. And the daughter will come home if she needs something, not go to the other lady for it.

What happened to the world where people could just be neighborly, play outside with friends and not have people freak out?
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Old 03-23-2016, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
Reputation: 3529
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Geeze no wonder kids don't get to play outside anymore! Who cares if she is playing in the neighbors yard. The op is watching her close enough to know what is happening. And the daughter will come home if she needs something, not go to the other lady for it.

What happened to the world where people could just be neighborly, play outside with friends and not have people freak out?

I was thinking this exact thing. My daughter can't play in a neighbor's yard because other kids are there. I think the fact that they lady is watching them is a red herring. The question that I wanted help with was a child was being rude to my child. How do I handle it. Let's say for the sake of argument that I decided to pay the lady for the 30 minutes that R was over there playing. Does it still give the girl the right to be rude and mean? Or is she given a pass because R was able to come home when she wanted a drink or snack (which she drinks and eats it here and does not take it with her) and the other girl wasn't able to do that.

Thanks for the people that actually answered and offered advice to my actual question.
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:39 AM
 
1,040 posts, read 542,816 times
Reputation: 1609
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
The question that I wanted help with was a child was being rude to my child. How do I handle it. Let's say for the sake of argument that I decided to pay the lady for the 30 minutes that R was over there playing. Does it still give the girl the right to be rude and mean?
No. Rude and mean is inappropriate. What I was saying is one way to handle it is to not send your child over there anymore. Maybe the environment is unfriendly simply because of the 11 year old. But maybe it's unfriendly because an adult over there doesn't want to get involved in responsibility she didn't agree to, and/or doesn't want to get involved in unnecessary legalities and liabilities while trying to run a business. Could be when the 11 year old says "go home" she's actually speaking at the adult's request..who knows. In any case you're the mom and you've got to take care of this situation as you see fit. Good luck.
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiaLia View Post
No. Rude and mean is inappropriate. What I was saying is one way to handle it is to not send your child over there anymore. Maybe the environment is unfriendly simply because of the 11 year old. But maybe it's unfriendly because an adult over there doesn't want to get involved in responsibility she didn't agree to, and/or doesn't want to get involved in unnecessary legalities and liabilities while trying to run a business. Could be when the 11 year old says "go home" she's actually speaking at the adult's request..who knows. In any case you're the mom and you've got to take care of this situation as you see fit. Good luck.
It's already been resolved. I talked to the neighbor and between us have a plan to take care of this.

I've already addressed this point with another poster. My son and a couple of other neighbor boys will go over there and play if the girl's are outside. It's rare that they do but if they do the 11 year joins in with them and has never told them to go home. The 11 year old is not a mouth piece for the neighbor. The 11 year old also started middle school this year. Could be a symptom of that but it still doesn't make it right. It's not my neighbor's style and she would tell me directly.

If the neighbor was watching boys this wouldn't even be an issue as my daughter wouldn't go over there. Boys surround us within the cul-de-sac and the houses behind us except for this house directly behind us. The neighbor has all girls and she watches all girls and because of that R just wants to play with some girls.

Last edited by Riley09swb; 03-23-2016 at 07:54 AM..
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:49 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,744,558 times
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Since the neighbor is being paid to watch the other kids, and their parents expect them to be there at her house, they should not all come to your house. For the same reason, I don't really think your daughter should be over at the other house while the neighbor is supposed to be working (babysitting).

If your daughter gets injured over there, there will be a question of who was in charge. If the other kids get injured at your house, same thing. The only way your daughter should go over there is if you go out in the yard and actively watch her. I think it should be avoided all together, though.
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:54 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,744,558 times
Reputation: 31041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I was thinking this exact thing. My daughter can't play in a neighbor's yard because other kids are there. I think the fact that they lady is watching them is a red herring. The question that I wanted help with was a child was being rude to my child. How do I handle it. Let's say for the sake of argument that I decided to pay the lady for the 30 minutes that R was over there playing. Does it still give the girl the right to be rude and mean? Or is she given a pass because R was able to come home when she wanted a drink or snack (which she drinks and eats it here and does not take it with her) and the other girl wasn't able to do that.

Thanks for the people that actually answered and offered advice to my actual question.
Of course the 11 year old shouldn't be rude, but she is "supposed" to be there. Your daughter isn't necessarily "supposed" to be there. You can't control the 11 year old. You can't control the mom that is supposed to be pay attention to her. You can only control yourself and your daughter's access. If this was a an issue with a bunch of neighborhood kids playing, it would be different. It's not. This is someone operating a business and you are not a customer.
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:59 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,744,558 times
Reputation: 31041
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogerAnthony View Post
Wow, I can't believe how ridiculous people on this thread are being. Clearly there's a girl who chases off the OP's daughter when she is playing with her friend because she doesn't like her. It's not about the number of children allowed at a day care or whether she should be paying to have her kid play in the neighbor's yard. Whatever you might believe on those topics, they are not the problem. She was looking for advice on how to handle the older girl who doesn't want her daughter to play with the other kids.

I would talk with the neighbor who is watching the other girl and let her know what has been going on, and see what she has to say about it. If she agrees it is wrong she can talk to the older girl.
All of that does matter, though. She can talk to the 11 year old all she wants. If it doesn't stop? If the 11 year old is a paying customer, she's not the one who will be asked to leave. The OP's daughter is the one who doesn't need to be there.
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Old 03-23-2016, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
Reputation: 3529
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
All of that does matter, though. She can talk to the 11 year old all she wants. If it doesn't stop? If the 11 year old is a paying customer, she's not the one who will be asked to leave. The OP's daughter is the one who doesn't need to be there.
By this logic, what if she is also rude to the other kids? Let it go because she's a paying customer? What if she was rude to the neighbors daughter? They aren't paying customers either. Yes, I can take my daughter out of the situation. What does that tell the 11 year old? It's ok to talk to and treat someone like that?
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Old 03-23-2016, 08:28 AM
 
455 posts, read 487,256 times
Reputation: 770
If she is rude to other children isn't it the responsibility of the paid adult provider to address it?
I agree that the particular circumstance IS relevant to how you should respond and agree that you have gotten sound advice to the question posed.
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