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Old 03-23-2016, 10:50 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
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The OP didn't ask if it was ok for her kid to play there...presumably she has it worked out with the other adult. Some adults aren't super anal about letting kids play together
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Old 03-23-2016, 10:56 AM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
The OP didn't ask if it was ok for her kid to play there...presumably she has it worked out with the other adult. Some adults aren't super anal about letting kids play together
But that's the only piece of this that she has any control over.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,171 posts, read 2,906,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
The fact that the older child is in a daycare situation is completely relevant to this situation. I can hear Judge Judy saying "keep your kid away or pay for childcare and then the caregiver will deal with the 11 year old. Not fair to make the caregiver deal with this if your kid doesn't belong there."

If R was my child, I would see about making an arrangement with the one specific girl's parents thru the caregiver that -- during the childcare time at the neighbor's house -- with permission the other girl could come over for up to a couple of hours. I think, for whatever reason, the 11 year old is not wanting your child there and the behavior she exhibits cannot be your issue. The older girl's parents pay for her to be there.

I have an 11 year old gkid. If she was reprimanded in this kind of situation, my son would find out and be very angry when he learned what the root of the problem was. I know he would be quite upset as the "paying customer" when another "non-customer" kid was the problem. Parents who must find childcare because they work can get very protective of their kids (can be pretty wrapped up in guilt over not being present to witness) and you are just setting up your neighbor for problems with her customer.
I work as well. I just happen to have a different work setup. Some of you say my daughter is the problem. Not one of the other kids has a problem. They all play with her sans one girl (when she is outside).

I better not let R go to the pool either this summer because older girl might tell her to go home.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,501 posts, read 15,968,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Of course the 11 year old shouldn't be rude, but she is "supposed" to be there. Your daughter isn't necessarily "supposed" to be there. You can't control the 11 year old. You can't control the mom that is supposed to be pay attention to her. You can only control yourself and your daughter's access. If this was a an issue with a bunch of neighborhood kids playing, it would be different. It's not. This is someone operating a business and you are not a customer.

Good points.

I like the example, that an earlier poster gave, if you lived next door to a brick & mortar day care center would you do the same thing? I really doubt it.


Even if you watch your child from your window you would certainly not send her over to play with the other children on the day care center property, whose parents have paid, for them to be cared for by the care center staff. There are huge liability issues involved even if the day care center said it was OK (which, of course they would not do).

Frankly, if I was a parent of one of those kids paying someone to watch my child, I would be pretty pissed off if my caregiver just allowed more neighborhood children to randomly come over to play. If I was expecting her to be in charge of & supervise five or six children and I pick up my child & my home day care provider is now watching six or seven or a dozen children (when that group of neighbor boys comes over to play) I am not getting the individualized care and supervision I agreed to and paid for.

I am sure that the home day care provider has a license to care for a certain number of children. She can't just "give permission" for more children than her license allows to come over. And, if she does not have a license, shame on her.

This is not a question about a group of neighborhood kids playing together, this is really a question related to a business issue.
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Old 03-23-2016, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,091 posts, read 3,789,935 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I work as well. I just happen to have a different work setup. Some of you say my daughter is the problem. Not one of the other kids has a problem. They all play with her sans one girl (when she is outside).

I better not let R go to the pool either this summer because older girl might tell her to go home.
The pool, I am assuming, is community based and that's an entirely different situation. Also, I certainly hope that you are there with R when she plays at the community pool. If girl B would tell R to go home from the community pool, you certainly should intervene in that case. The two situations are not at all the same and in the case of Girl B telling your kid to go home, either your kid should stay home or the childcare provider needs to address this with the girl's parents.

I do certainly believe your child, and you as a parent, should be prepared to address rude behavior or bullying at any time. And I endorse you always being vigilent and attentive of your child's physical and emotional safety.

Last edited by WorldKlas; 03-23-2016 at 12:10 PM..
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:00 PM
 
261 posts, read 444,493 times
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People are focusing too much on the paid/unpaid daycare situation. I believe this is an issue that can come up anywhere, like this one, or at school recess, or the bus, for example.
How do you handle it when a bigger kid excludes your child and the crowd follows?

1. Teach your child to ignore. This may not always work because it may not always be possible to, and it doesn't solve the problem for your child.
2. Mention it to the adult in charge or lastly the kid's parents. Hope one of them atleast sees reason and helps correct the excluding behavior.
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,171 posts, read 2,906,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
The pool, I am assuming, is community based and that's an entirely different situation. Also, I certainly hope that you are there with R when she plays at the community pool. If girl B would tell R to go home from the community pool, you certainly should intervene in that case. The two situations are not at all the same.
But they are the same in that in situation 1 R was told to go home and she did. OG got the result she wanted without any repercussions. So in the next situation OG would expect the same to happen whether it be at neighbors, the pool or at the neighborhood park. I told her to go home and she did so if I see her elsewhere I'll just tell her to go home. In those cases, I would talk to a the adult or OG herself if an adult wasn't with her.
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:20 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
But they are the same in that in situation 1 R was told to go home and she did. OG got the result she wanted without any repercussions. So in the next situation OG would expect the same to happen whether it be at neighbors, the pool or at the neighborhood park. I told her to go home and she did so if I see her elsewhere I'll just tell her to go home. In those cases, I would talk to a the adult or OG herself if an adult wasn't with her.
Since you think all these situations are the same, why didn't you just go talk to the neighbor in the first place, since she's in charge of her?
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,171 posts, read 2,906,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Since you think all these situations are the same, why didn't you just go talk to the neighbor in the first place, since she's in charge of her?

That was actually my first thought. I didn't know how to word what to say. I was over thinking it. Someone gave me the prefect way to approach it and that's how I did it.
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Old 03-23-2016, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Fairfield of the Ohio
682 posts, read 475,878 times
Reputation: 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
That was actually my first thought. I didn't know how to word what to say. I was over thinking it. Someone gave me the prefect way to approach it and that's how I did it.

Riley - I'd be willing to bet that when your daughter doesn't come to play with her little friend that the other little girl follows the older girl around and does what she says. The older girl doesn't have anyone to boss around when your kid is there so she tells her to leave. Glad you and the neighbor worked out how to handle the situation. I hope your little girl continues to be able to go play with her little friend.
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