U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-22-2016, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,166 posts, read 2,898,052 times
Reputation: 3524

Advertisements

My daughter R is 6 (almost 7). There is a girl that is 11/12 and she goes to the ladies house that is right behind us after school. This girl does not like R for some reason.

If R goes over to play with the other girls (5 other girls ages 6-9)and the 11/12 year old girl is there she tells R to go home. R comes home and the other girls don't speak up. The days when the 11/12 year old isn't there (or maybe she's inside doing something else) R is over there happily playing with everyone. The other girls frequently come over to get R to come over and play. The lady that "watches" the girls is clueless. She is never outside with them so has no idea what's going on.

Should I do anything? Should I let R handle it (but if I do that I need to be able to tell her what to say to 11/12 yr old)? Should I say something to the neighbor (we know each other and I wouldn't have a problem bringing it to her attention. I don't want the 11/12 year old to get in trouble just knock off the behavior)? If the 11/12 yr old doesn't like R that's fine but the behavior isn't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-22-2016, 08:53 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,880,122 times
Reputation: 4257
Kids kids are getting in to conflicts. But they solve them self out. I don't think there is a big deal. But some times you can ask the girl directly why you are chasing my daughter away? Do you think your daughter afraid of her? Best thing is talk to your daughter and try to figure out what is the story behind this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,166 posts, read 2,898,052 times
Reputation: 3524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeurich View Post
Kids kids are getting in to conflicts. But they solve them self out. I don't think there is a big deal. But some times you can ask the girl directly why you are chasing my daughter away? Do you think your daughter afraid of her? Best thing is talk to your daughter and try to figure out what is the story behind this.
My motivation in this is that R doesn't need to come home just because the older girl tells her to come home. It's not her house and it's not fair to R.

I might check with neighbor that it's ok that she is there (neighbor has told me in the past it's ok that she goes over to play) and the next time older girl tells her to leave she can tell the girl she has permission from Miss S to be there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 09:01 AM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
746 posts, read 624,851 times
Reputation: 2438
So, this neighbor lady is watching a total of 6 children, including the 11/12 year old, and then your daughter goes over there to play, too? Are any of these kids the children of the neighbor lady? Honestly, I would be more concerned about having my 6 year old over there if the lady is as "clueless" as you say- 7 kids for one person to watch over is too much, in my opinion.

In regards to the 11/12 year old girl I would suggest that you ask her directly why she is telling your daughter to go home when she goes over to play. I suspect that the 11/12 girl is perhaps taking some of the responsibilities of watching over the other children and just doesn't want another kid around that she is responsible for. Why don't you just have some of the girls come over to your house instead so you can keep a better eye on things and then your daughter won't be subjected to that older girl bossing her around?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 09:02 AM
 
2,813 posts, read 1,397,610 times
Reputation: 6116
I think 11/12 yrs old vs 6/7 yrs old is too big of a difference to expect kids to "work it out"

OP, why can't R just get the girls to come over and play at your house?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,166 posts, read 2,898,052 times
Reputation: 3524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
So, this neighbor lady is watching a total of 6 children, including the 11/12 year old, and then your daughter goes over there to play, too? Are any of these kids the children of the neighbor lady? Honestly, I would be more concerned about having my 6 year old over there if the lady is as "clueless" as you say- 7 kids for one person to watch over is too much, in my opinion.

In regards to the 11/12 year old girl I would suggest that you ask her directly why she is telling your daughter to go home when she goes over to play. I suspect that the 11/12 girl is perhaps taking some of the responsibilities of watching over the other children and just doesn't want another kid around that she is responsible for. Why don't you just have some of the girls come over to your house instead so you can keep a better eye on things and then your daughter won't be subjected to that older girl bossing her around?
One of the girl's is the daughter of the neighbor. She's 9/10. She usually isn't outside. She's inside playing Minecraft. The neighbor also has a 15 year old daughter that maybe helps her mom out but she isn't outside either.

The kids play on the play set which I can see from my house.

The neighbor lady is getting paid to watch all those kids. They shouldn't be at my house as she is responsible for them not me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 09:25 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,492,743 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfternoonCoffee View Post
I think 11/12 yrs old vs 6/7 yrs old is too big of a difference to expect kids to "work it out"

OP, why can't R just get the girls to come over and play at your house?
I agree, the age difference is too much. Honestly, I would go out and chat with the older girl in a kind/funny way. That is my style. See if I can smooth things over.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 10:00 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
The neighbor lady is getting paid to watch all those kids. They shouldn't be at my house as she is responsible for them not me.

By the same token, your neighbor shouldn't be responsible for your kid too, if she is being paid to take care of all those kids.


Talk to the parents involved.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 10:22 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,892,348 times
Reputation: 25110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
One of the girl's is the daughter of the neighbor. She's 9/10. She usually isn't outside. She's inside playing Minecraft. The neighbor also has a 15 year old daughter that maybe helps her mom out but she isn't outside either.

The kids play on the play set which I can see from my house.

The neighbor lady is getting paid to watch all those kids. They shouldn't be at my house as she is responsible for them not me.
If you're not paying the neighbor to watch your daughter, your daughter shouldn't be there. If you had a regular daycare next to your house, you wouldn't feel it was appropriate to send your child over there to play for free, and this is the same sort of situation.

Some states have regulations about how many children can be watched in a home setting, depending on the kind of license the daycare provider has. Your child might be one too many, and the daycare provider has mentioned that to the 11/12 year old, who doesn't realize it's not polite to repeat it to your daughter when she shows up.

So either pay the neighbor to watch your daughter (I wouldn't, it doesn't sound like she's doing a great job of minding all those children) or keep your daughter home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2016, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,166 posts, read 2,898,052 times
Reputation: 3524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
If you're not paying the neighbor to watch your daughter, your daughter shouldn't be there. If you had a regular daycare next to your house, you wouldn't feel it was appropriate to send your child over there to play for free, and this is the same sort of situation.

Some states have regulations about how many children can be watched in a home setting, depending on the kind of license the daycare provider has. Your child might be one too many, and the daycare provider has mentioned that to the 11/12 year old, who doesn't realize it's not polite to repeat it to your daughter when she shows up.

So either pay the neighbor to watch your daughter (I wouldn't, it doesn't sound like she's doing a great job of minding all those children) or keep your daughter home.
I don't need the neighbor to watch my daughter. She goes over there to play with the other kids if they are outside or they come get her to play over there with the neighbors permission. She isn't allowed to go in the house (my rule ) and if she needs anything she comes home.Just like my son's friend comes to get him to play after school and he has someone watching him.

The neighbor didn't say anything of the sort to the older girl. The neighbor has told me that it's OK for R to go over after homework is done The neighbor and I have talked and the situation handled.

I should also add that all these kids with the exception of the older girl (this year)go to school together and live in the same neighborhood and ride the bus together.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top