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Old 03-22-2016, 07:42 PM
 
17,175 posts, read 22,205,059 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie2101 View Post
I still call my step-daughter as such. I married her father when she was 10. He died in 2001. Nowadays she lives in NYC, but still comes to see me during the summer and at Christmas. Her mother, my late husband's first wife, comes to Christmas dinner with us.


this is awesome Maggie
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Old 03-22-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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In our family my husband's ex is called Aunt Phyllis. Sometimes her own kids refer to her as Aunt Phyllis when our kids are around. We have two adopted kids she has never met and probably never will but she sends them birthday cards because they are sisters to her own children. We are Facebook friends and on very friendly terms. I like her!
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Old 03-22-2016, 08:33 PM
 
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In a similar vein, some people refer to half-siblings as step-siblings. The first time I ever noticed this, the speaker was a young teenager calling her own father's daughter with his second wife, her "step-sister." I just wrote it off as a kid who had not been taught the difference, but over the years I have heard adults making the same mistake. I think I find it especially off-putting because, in my own family, we don't even distinguish between half and full-blooded siblings. If you share a parent, you are siblings.
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Old 03-22-2016, 08:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
My friend recently referred to her husband's "ex step-daughter"--the young woman is the daughter of my friend's husband's first wife but this man has been an important part of her life since she was very very young. Just because the mother and her step father got divorced does that make him her ex step father and her his ex step daughter?
Absolutely. If she said it the way you want her to say it, she'd be saying that the girl was her own daughter.
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Old 03-22-2016, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
My friend recently referred to her husband's "ex step-daughter"--the young woman is the daughter of my friend's husband's first wife but this man has been an important part of her life since she was very very young. Just because the mother and her step father got divorced does that make him her ex step father and her his ex step daughter?

I think she (my friend) is trying to provide as much distance between them as she can and she is jealous. She isn't mean to her but i can tell by her tone she resents the continued relationship.

I know the young lady still thinks of the man as her step father and that is good in my eyes.
I would never say anything to anybody in this situation but i was wondering what others think. Does a divorce mean the step parent and child are no longer ...well... step anything?
Yes. For years and years we had an aunt. She was a normal member of the family and the parent of our cousins. She and my uncle got divorced, and she was technically no longer my aunt. It's the same thing.
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Old 03-23-2016, 04:51 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hbdwihdh378y9 View Post
Absolutely. If she said it the way you want her to say it, she'd be saying that the girl was her own daughter.
I disagree. So many people have multiple marriages these days. Once a step parent, always a step parent IMHO. Unless there is a complete estrangement in which case they probably wouldn't be referring to each other anyway.

Our situation is unique in other ways too. Three of our 4 kids are adopted. My husband had three biological kids with his first marriage. So are our adopted kids half siblings with their father's other kids? Technically I guess they are. Certainly not step siblings..or are they??? Who cares really but getting the terms right seems very important to many people.
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Old 03-23-2016, 06:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
Yes. For years and years we had an aunt. She was a normal member of the family and the parent of our cousins. She and my uncle got divorced, and she was technically no longer my aunt. It's the same thing.
Technically, if she is the parent of cousins, she is still your aunt.

My husband's brother had a wife, got divorced, but she is still my children's aunt. The new wife is not, because they already have an aunt in that position. She is their uncles new wife, but not the aunt.

Money is fungible. Family is not.
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Who cares really but getting the terms right seems very important to many people.
It's important to a lot of people, because family is important. If non-family can be labeled family, then being family isn't particularly special. Including non-family under the definition of "family" doesn't promote those people, it just demotes the real family. That doesn't mean that there can't be significant non-family relationships, of course there can be. But that doesn't make them family. For that matter, including friends under the definition of family also demotes your relationships with your friends, because there is a certain amount of "stuck with" that goes along with being family, but friendships are relationships of choice, and that choice element should be honored, too.
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Old 03-23-2016, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Minneapolis 'burbs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katenik View Post
... distinguish between half and full-blooded siblings. If you share a parent, you are siblings.
I thought of this in relation to the technicality of it. Technically, if you only share one parent you ARE half-siblings. But most people just refer to their siblings as...siblings.

So technically the daughter is no longer his SD but as they say, "you divorce spouses not children"!
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Old 03-23-2016, 10:13 AM
 
2,516 posts, read 7,554,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2blessed2stress View Post
I thought of this in relation to the technicality of it. Technically, if you only share one parent you ARE half-siblings. But most people just refer to their siblings as...siblings.

So technically the daughter is no longer his SD but as they say, "you divorce spouses not children"!
In my example, there is no step-daughter. There are two biological daughters, with the same father and different mothers. The only ex is an ex-wife.
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