Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My 28 year old son has always lived either with me or near me when he was married and I saw him and my grandbaby almost every day. After the divorce he moved back in with me as my husband passed away shortly after my son's divorce. Now almost 5 years later he announced yesterday that he was moving in with his girlfriend. I thought I would be happier when he finally moved out and I could have my place to myself. No more cooking for him or doing his laundry. No more arguments about his procrastination about getting his life together. He has finally gotten on the right path. Has a job, bought his own car and seems pretty happy and confident which is something new for him.
But this strange feeling of loneliness crept up on me last night. It dawned on me that I am really alone now. My husband is gone, my older son moved out years ago and now my younger son which means I won't see my granddaughter much either (we had her every weekend). My mother is alive but lives 45 minutes away and my sister is nearby and we are quite close. But I now go home to an empty house; my granddaughter's clothes and toys are little by little going to his new place and there is an almost empty room. His closet holds few of his clothes and possessions. I will have to budget very carefully also now that my son isn't paying half the expenses.
Is this just a normal phase that most of you have gone through? My sister's only child married a few months ago and she said she had a bittersweet feeling when her daughter moved out. However she is married so she's not completely alone. I'm not a wife anymore and now I barely feel like a mother. I'm feeling very sad.
Last edited by chiluvr1228; 03-24-2016 at 12:43 PM..
Reason: spelling
Yes, it is very common. People react differently, but it is a huge adjustment for many. You have no one to distract you from yourself, and now you are keenly aware of what it's like to be on your own.
There are many ways to start looking at this stage as a beginning rather than an end:
As with any relationships that last years, our identity can become wrapped up in the people we love and our role in their lives. Whenever that changes, it is difficult to deal with.
I hope you can cope well with it and embrace the opportunities it brings you. Look for new chances to form friendships and share your love with others. Also, know that your goal as a parent has been reached if your kids are living on their own and building THEIR lives.
I'm at the empty nest stage of my life, for the last 25 years i've enjoyed being the parent to two beautiful girls, i feel blessed to have had the privilege to be a part of their lives.
The oldest one moved across town last summer and i sometimes get emotional when i walk past her now empty bedroom that looks the same as the day she left.
My other daughter is moving cross country this summer so i'll have another empty bedroom to stir my emotions.
Being Dad to these two wonders was great but now its about over and i'm envisioning a very empty feeling at not having them coming home anymore and all the social dynamics that go with a house full of family.
Thanks for the links Wmsn
My 28 year old son has always lived either with me or near me when he was married and I saw him and my grandbaby almost every day. After the divorce he moved back in with me as my husband passed away shortly after my son's divorce. Now almost 5 years later he announced yesterday that he was moving in with his girlfriend. I thought I would be happier when he finally moved out and I could have my place to myself. No more cooking for him or doing his laundry. No more arguments about his procrastination about getting his life together. He has finally gotten on the right path. Has a job, bought his own car and seems pretty happy and confident which is something new for him.
But this strange feeling of loneliness crept up on me last night. It dawned on me that I am really alone now. My husband is gone, my older son moved out years ago and now my younger son which means I won't see my granddaughter much either (we had her every weekend). My mother is alive but lives 45 minutes away and my sister is nearby and we are quite close. But I now go home to an empty house; my granddaughter's clothes and toys are little by little going to his new place and there is an almost empty room. His closet holds few of his clothes and possessions. I will have to budget very carefully also now that my son isn't paying half the expenses.
Is this just a normal phase that most of you have gone through? My sister's only child married a few months ago and she said she had a bittersweet feeling when her daughter moved out. However she is married so she's not completely alone. I'm not a wife anymore and now I barely feel like a mother. I'm feeling very sad.
Yes, it is a normal phase that most of us experience.
I think that part of your feelings may be a concern about finances. Once things settle down perhaps you could consider doing something to help with that.
I know one woman who rents out her spare bedroom to college age kids taking some type of training courses at a nearby technical school. She has the same student for several weeks or several months through AirBnB. While they are technically renters they often help her with tasks around the house (like shoveling snow or mowing the lawn).
I know someone else who had a retired friend move in with her. They shared the expenses & occasional meals. One of my neighbors had her brother move in with her after she was widowed. They are both single and in their early 60s. For them it was ideal.
Germaine - funny I see your post this morning. I was laying in bed this morning pondering the very things you mentioned about getting a roommate.
There you go! Thinking in new directions is the clue to a smooth transition. Welcome new people and activities into your life and pretty soon you'll have a new normal. Your kids will still be present in your life, but in a different way that is equally fulfilling in my experience. Best Wishes!!
Or you could go completely bonkers and start a new family like we did at ages 55 and 63. We adopted 2 babies from Vietnam only 4 months apart in age. Best decision we ever made! They are now 14 and even with teenage garbage to deal with we are having great fun.
Or you might live in a state where a bit of money can be made taking in foster kids. Or a volunteer position can sometimes lead to a part time job.
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. You will adjust if you stay busy and don't close your mind to new people and situations in your life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
