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Our kids like to whine a lot too. This is how I handle it. First, I make sure they know exactly what whining is. I point it out every time they are doing it. I imitate them and give them several examples. I tell them that whining is when they are continuously complaining about something that I can't or won't change. I make sure they understand what it is, and that they understand they are not supposed to do it.
Once they understand it, then I start giving timeouts. Every time one of them whines, I give them one warning to stop. If they don't stop, they go to time out, 1 minute per year of age. Works great. It takes several timeouts for them to get it at first, and you have to be consistent in order for it to work, but it does eventually work. I also do rewards, for example if they get though all of their homework with no whining then they get to play iPad, etc.
If your child is staying up really late staring at the ceiling and cannot fall asleep, even after having an active day, a consistent bedtime routine, a healthy sleep environment, and a good bedtime, then take her to the doctor. My son has sleeping issues due to medical issues and the doctor recommended a small dose of melatonin on school nights, and it works great. He is so much better rested now.
I don't reward the whining. I am not going to allow them something if they don't listen. Like if I want their room clean and they don't do it an then they are in trouble but ask for their tablet even though they didn't clean their room I won't give it to them so then I have to listen to the whining/pouting. They know why they didn't get it but it still doesn't motivate them to do what they were told. Also if I do give them tablet or w/e it is when they are being good but then turn it off after awhile of them using it say b/c it is bedtime they act the same way an give me a hard time so either way eventually its a problem.
You are giving them consequences for their unwanted behavior in some instances but in other instances, like the whining, it seems as if you aren't giving them any consequences for those behaviors. Start adding in consequences for the whining and you will see that disappears also.
A lot of this probably has to do with some of the instability you have had in your life, as well as some resentment towards any attention her younger brother is getting.
Another poster recently recommend this author- Jennifer Kolari, MSW, RSW. She has written several books on parenting.
I would highly recommend this one:
"Connected Parenting: Set Loving Limits and Build Strong Bonds with Your Child for Life"
I think this book has the potential to totally change the relationship you have with your kids (as well as anyone else in your life) for the better.
Weird I was going to suggest connected parenting. Do you actually practice it? Because we have nothing in common in parenting.
I have always followed and implemented and authoritative approach to parenting. Connected parenting is simply authoritative (As compared to authoritarian or permissive) parenting with a little bit more emphasis on the warm, loving, and connection aspect of authoritative parenting.
What is it that makes you think we have such different approaches to parenting?
I have always followed and implemented and authoritative approach to parenting. Connected parenting is simply authoritative (As compared to authoritarian or permissive) parenting with a little bit more emphasis on the warm, loving, and connection aspect of authoritative parenting.
What is it that makes you think we have such different approaches to parenting?
I suggest you do more reading and research on connected parenting.
I suggest you do more reading and research on connected parenting.
I've listened to two of her broadcasts and read two of her books. Kolari's approach is good, but it is nothing revolutionary or that different that what are already pretty mainstream approaches.
Maybe you should do some more research on different parenting styles. Here's a good article to get you started:
From what I understand, the difference between authoritarian parenting and authoritative parenting is that authoritative parenting is also connected parenting. If you take a strict disciplinarian, and make him a connected parent without taking away the discipline, then you have authoritative parenting. Clear boundaries set with empathy and compassion and strong communication, and enforced firmly, calmly and lovingly.
From what I understand, authoritative parenting has also been shown in scientific longitudinal studies to get the best lifelong outcomes for the children, on average.
From what I understand, the difference between authoritarian parenting and authoritative parenting is that authoritative parenting is also connected parenting. If you take a strict disciplinarian, and make him a connected parent without taking away the discipline, then you have authoritative parenting. Clear boundaries set with empathy and compassion and strong communication, and enforced firmly, calmly and lovingly.
From what I understand, authoritative parenting has also been shown in scientific longitudinal studies to get the best lifelong outcomes for the children, on average.
There is a difference between putative discipline vs. natural and rectifying consequences. Authoritarian parenting often relies on the former while authoritative parenting relies on the latter.
There is a difference between putative discipline vs. natural and rectifying consequences. Authoritarian parenting often relies on the former while authoritative parenting relies on the latter.
Yup!
Authoritarian discipline is meant to punish. Authoritative discipline is meant to teach.
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