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Old 03-27-2016, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Long Island
8,511 posts, read 11,401,820 times
Reputation: 4764

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We live only a few blocks away from my parents (we liked the schools) and while I don't prefer that they come over as often as they do, my kids love it. Grandma attends all their sporting events (and she loves to cheer along). It's been great for them. It gets them out of the everyday-ho-hum when she comes over too. I'm sure this will change when they become teenagers, but for now, grandparents are happy (glad to give them more joy) and so are the kids.
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Old 03-27-2016, 08:27 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
645 posts, read 774,627 times
Reputation: 1014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
You can just not click and not have much in common without having a crappy family.
This
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Old 03-30-2016, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Brew City
3,153 posts, read 1,963,091 times
Reputation: 4193
Our kids have never had relatives within a 450 mile radius. We've adopted surrogate family members. Our kids call our close friend their uncle. We have friends holidays instead of family holidays. Family doesn't have to be blood.

I'm not willing to give up living in locations we want to be or that provide the type of life we want for our children just because our family chooses to live somewhere (undesirable in our opinions).

My husband and I had opposing experiences growing up. He grew up with all his family in a two block area and I grew up with no relatives in town aside from my mom and sister. My family is scattered across the country. It was expected in my family to grow up, go to college and chase your dreams wherever they may take you. His family thought it was sacrilegious when he and I moved across the country for funsies.


We're happy with our situation.

Last edited by Vegabern; 03-30-2016 at 09:25 AM..
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Old 03-30-2016, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Gorgeous South Florida
499 posts, read 384,217 times
Reputation: 748
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
Our kids have never had relatives within a 450 mile radius. We've adopted surrogate family members. Our kids call our close friend their uncle. We have friends holidays instead of family holidays. Family doesn't have to be blood.

I'm not willing to give up living in locations we want to be or that provide the type of life we want for our children just because our family choses to live somewhere (undesirable in our opinions).


My husband and had opposing experiences growing up. He grew up with all his family in a two block area and I grew up with no relatives in town aside from my mom and sister. My family is scattered across the country. It was expected in my family to grow up, go to college and chase your dreams wherever they may take you. His family thought it was sacrilegious when we moved across the country for funsies.


We're happy with our situation.
This ^^^^^^^^^^
We recently moved to a new area and my goal is for my 3 year-old daughter is to have "surrogate family members" like Vegabern has. Both my husband's family and my family live in a very undesirable area (for raising children).
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Old 03-30-2016, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Brew City
3,153 posts, read 1,963,091 times
Reputation: 4193
Quote:
Originally Posted by FromCTtoFL View Post
This ^^^^^^^^^^
We recently moved to a new area and my goal is for my 3 year-old daughter is to have "surrogate family members" like Vegabern has. Both my husband's family and my family live in a very undesirable area (for raising children).
The weird but awesome part is that "Uncle Nate" and us have actually lived in three different cities together (not literally together) in two different states across the country. He works with my husband and they have both taken new jobs within the company in the same locations close to the same time. Not in an organized way but just happily coincidentally.
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Old 03-31-2016, 09:32 PM
 
2,198 posts, read 1,232,313 times
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I've thought about this. I have 4 siblings with kids of their own who all live around my mother (and pretty much all their inlaws as well) in the same area. 30 minutes is the furthest any one of them lives from another one, and several live within a few minutes of one another. My husband's family (he also has 4 siblings with families) is the same way in another part of the country. My husband and I are the only ones who have always lived far from both our families. Sometimes I wish we lived closer to family. I'd love for my kids to have a closer bond to some of their relatives. As it is, we don't spend much time with them. They don't spend a whole lot of time together, either, but certainly they get together at least a few times a year and we manage once every few years if we're lucky. We're the "cousins/siblings from out of state" basically.

That being said, we've made pseudo families everywhere we've lived and our kids have never wanted for people close to us of a variety of ages. I grew up a few hours away from my dad's family and about 6 hours from my mom's family. We saw them a few times a year. I think it would be nice to have had closer relationships with my cousins and relatives growing up. Sometimes I am envious of my brother, who actually lives in the same town we grew up in (not a place I really want to live), and our mom is just minutes away and his wife's parents are a few minutes further. All in the same town. I think that's a nice benefit for his kids.

I think it's important to have a sense of community, a sense of self, and a sense of place. Sometimes that's done really well with extended family. Sometimes it's great with pseudo families. There are too many factors that can go into this, so there's no set answer to your question, imo.
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Old 04-03-2016, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,435 posts, read 41,667,043 times
Reputation: 47005
I had to be introduced to my cousins at our grandparents funerals! My father was a 30 year Army Officer, his brother was 30 year Air Force Officer, their sister hated kids. They and my mother's siblings were spread all over the place. I vaguely remember some childhood get togethers but had no relationship with any of them. I remember both sets of grandparents but never spent more than a week every year or two with them. I don't think I suffered too much.

Both my husband and I are the only surviving members of our immediate families. Our first set of kids knew my mother because she came to live with us for about 10 years until her dementia got so bad I had to put her in assisted living. The other two living grandparents were rare visitors because of distance, reluctance and fear of flying and work obligations. And money of course.

So here we are with this set of kids and they have no grandparents or cousins but they do have older siblings and step neices and nephews (they rarely see) but nobody is complaining.

I think it all depends on the people involved. My mother uprooted her life to come live with us when it became apparent she was unable to live alone. My choices of where to live revolve around what is best for my family and not some distant aunt/uncle/cousins but obviously it's just not a relationship I can relate to.
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Old 04-03-2016, 03:27 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,108 posts, read 1,425,223 times
Reputation: 7497
We moved away when our son was six. We visited twice a year to start and then gave up traveling around the winter holidays but made it every summer, we were 13 hours away. We also sent him to see DH's parents for a week each summer until he joined little league and went to summer camps. He's close to the one cousin he saw every summer at his grandparents.

We moved two miles away to be near our son, DIL and two young grandkids four years ago. I have time to spend with the grandkids that I never did with my son. The biggest thing I missed living away from family was having a good support system, someone to help in emergencies etc. I love being there for the grandkids, the Girl Scout Daisy events, school events, picking up the grandkids after school, etc. I'm being the person I wished I had when we lived away from family. I love it and my son and DIL appreciate it. We have a good relationship and have our own time and spaces too.

So the down side to being away from family is no back up or help. That's the upside too though, as a couple we learned to rely on each other. It works either way if you want it enough.
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Old 04-04-2016, 07:38 AM
 
493 posts, read 365,426 times
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It is extremely important to me. I would not move because whatever I would save I would probably pay for in childcare.
Then again I grew up and live in NYC not a suburban town where finding employment is difficult.

My parents basically watched my son until he started school. I was alway too afraid to put him in daycare. When I had my son my mom, aunts, and grandmother all came by to help me and let me sleep.
In case of emergency and one of my family member or very good childhood friends are there. I am there for them.
I watch their kids and they watch mine. We don't charge each other. I have gotten jobs because of my family.
When my mother was ill I did't have worry it was all of me it was on all of us.
We take care of each other. It can be overwhelming for my spouse and I think so of the other spouses but it works for me. My son has no siblings but at least 20 cousin that he see's on a monthly basis. The rest of them he sees about every 3-4 months because they live in the tri-state area. Anyone else will be seen on christmas and thanksgiving.
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