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Old 03-28-2016, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,344 posts, read 7,115,490 times
Reputation: 31026

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
Just the other day my mother told me a story related to this topic. She said my youngest brother, who was 4 at the time, was invited to a birthday party just down the street. She told him excitedly about his invitation a few days before. He said, "Are Mommies going to be there?" She replied no, she would just walk him over to the house and then come back and pick him up later. She said he looked absolutely stunned and after a long silence said simply, "Well, then, I won't go."

She said she discussed it calmly with him a few times later and he stuck to his guns — no Mommy, not going.

She said she decided not to force the issue. If he wasn't ready to socialize in this way, she wasn't going to force him.

My brother eventually played football and earned a master's degree at a university across the country from "home." He now has a happy marriage, two kids in college, a fine job as a manager in a social service agency, and is still dedicated to playing several team sports. So I think he turned out OK in spite of being unwilling to do birthday parties at age 4.
Look, no one said that the consequences of this ONE party will turn her into a deadbeat, drug using killer. The idea is to hopefully build a good foundation, set some precedents for later situations. So sure, pretend that instead of she not wanting to go that you're just too busy. But do you really want her to bow out of EVERY upcoming party? No, so be prepared to try something else if it is a continued issue. It's always easier to avoid something than to just do it and see how it goes. That's how you get 4 year olds still in diapers....
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Old 03-28-2016, 06:42 PM
 
489 posts, read 324,268 times
Reputation: 1662
Quote:
Originally Posted by basingstoke View Post
Clearly she is having some attention/territorial issues when it comes to birthdays and sharing,

Has anyone ever had this issue? What did you do?

No, she's not.
She's 3 and she's acting like a normal 3-year-old.

Take her to get a gift, let her help wrap it and take her to the party.
When you arrive do not be surprised if she (and 10 other kids) try to take back their gifts and then have meltdowns.
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Old 03-28-2016, 08:59 PM
 
302 posts, read 325,443 times
Reputation: 420
Wow, so much angst over a birthday party. Breath, relax, it's not that big of a deal!
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Old 03-29-2016, 06:20 AM
 
19,004 posts, read 10,681,075 times
Reputation: 5817
Quote:
Originally Posted by austinaggie View Post
Wow, so much angst over a birthday party. Breath, relax, it's not that big of a deal!
Exactly ---funny how some folks think that she should make the child go and buy her a present because doing this is no big deal -- well the party is no big deal.

When my son was in pre-school he was invited to a party and we completely forgot about it. Guess what -- he doesn't remember and doesn't care -- he's 18, first year of college with a 4.0 -- and seems to be fine.......
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Old 04-02-2016, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,310 posts, read 4,812,001 times
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I think it's likely that when she's a little older, say, 4 she'll feel differently about parties. I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she wants to go. My son was always up for a party, even at 3! But one of his classmates had a party and another Mom told me that her son started crying when they were supposed to leave for the party and refused to go. It turns out the birthday boy was NOT nice to him. It became evident as the year went on that he wasn't nice to most people, so it was great that the Mom listened and didn't make him go. It doesn't sound like that's an issue here, but a 3 year old can tell you if there is a reason they don't want to attend.

I did NOT take my 3 year old shopping for the birthday gift. I just bought and wrapped it myself and then told him what it was for on the way there. At the ripe old age of 5 he now picks out gifts for his friends without a problem!
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Old 04-02-2016, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Gorgeous South Florida
499 posts, read 383,403 times
Reputation: 748
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
I think it's likely that when she's a little older, say, 4 she'll feel differently about parties. I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she wants to go. My son was always up for a party, even at 3! But one of his classmates had a party and another Mom told me that her son started crying when they were supposed to leave for the party and refused to go. It turns out the birthday boy was NOT nice to him. It became evident as the year went on that he wasn't nice to most people, so it was great that the Mom listened and didn't make him go. It doesn't sound like that's an issue here, but a 3 year old can tell you if there is a reason they don't want to attend.

I did NOT take my 3 year old shopping for the birthday gift. I just bought and wrapped it myself and then told him what it was for on the way there. At the ripe old age of 5 he now picks out gifts for his friends without a problem!
This is a great post!!
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Old 04-02-2016, 02:26 PM
 
971 posts, read 960,397 times
Reputation: 977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
Why are you even having a conversation about it with a 3 year old? Just take her to the party. She doesn't need to be queried about it beforehand. Once she gets there, she'll probably have a good time.
I pretty much agree. Also, maybe it should have originally included happy descriptions of cake and games.
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Old 04-03-2016, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
8,855 posts, read 10,310,313 times
Reputation: 9267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
I think it's likely that when she's a little older, say, 4 she'll feel differently about parties. I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she wants to go. My son was always up for a party, even at 3! But one of his classmates had a party and another Mom told me that her son started crying when they were supposed to leave for the party and refused to go. It turns out the birthday boy was NOT nice to him. It became evident as the year went on that he wasn't nice to most people, so it was great that the Mom listened and didn't make him go. It doesn't sound like that's an issue here, but a 3 year old can tell you if there is a reason they don't want to attend.

I did NOT take my 3 year old shopping for the birthday gift. I just bought and wrapped it myself and then told him what it was for on the way there. At the ripe old age of 5 he now picks out gifts for his friends without a problem!



I didn't involve my kid in the gift shopping and wrapping at that age either. With kids that age most everything was parent driven...and my child, and other kids, either had fun or had a meltdown! Now, after reading some posts, I'm wondering if it was unusual that I really didn't involve her. Looking back I think my kid was a little older than 5 when she started helping pick out the present for the birthday kid, but it was some time in elementary school. And it was more fun. She could tell me the types of things her friend liked and she enjoyed matching gifts to her friends' taste.
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Old 04-03-2016, 09:08 AM
 
17,158 posts, read 22,161,261 times
Reputation: 31223
3 yr olds??????

this is the "conversation" I had with my son

tyler in a few days we are going to Nick's birthday party he is 3 also... other boys n girls will be there even some you know... lets go to the store to pick out a gift for nick, and we will stop for an ice cream,, " ok daddy lets go" that's plan A and worked for me...it was good for my son to be in different social situations...and he was usually good,



plan B if he refused


if you don't want to go....lets get nick a squirt gun... and his mother will never invite you again
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