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Old 03-27-2016, 06:28 PM
 
24 posts, read 21,176 times
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My daughter is 3 and has been invited to a birthday party for one of her classmates in preschool. I've asked her if she knows and likes this person in her class, she says yes. But when I tell her that he's having a birthday party and that she has been invited, she starts getting upset and says, no she doesn't want to go, it's not his birthday, it's my birthday etc. Clearly she is having some attention/territorial issues when it comes to birthdays and sharing, and I am at a loss of what to do or tell her. I don't want to force her to attend the party, but if she's never exposed to other people's birthday parties, how will she learn? What do I as a parent, say to her to make her understand? She has been to a couple of birthday parties when she was younger (when she was around 1-2) and given that we just moved to the area several months ago, we have not gotten any invitations until now. She goes to preschool everyday full time and plays well with everyone.

Has anyone ever had this issue? What did you do?
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Old 03-27-2016, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
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If she doesn't want to go, why force her to? She is only 3.
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:01 PM
 
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Why are you even having a conversation about it with a 3 year old? Just take her to the party. She doesn't need to be queried about it beforehand. Once she gets there, she'll probably have a good time. Most parties don't include opening presents anymore, so the "it's mine" thing shouldn't come into play. Just keep the present out of site as much as possible, or buy her one too. Attending parties in preschool is an important way to make connections with other parents and find more playdates. We are in elementary now and still know a lot of the parents and kids in my sons classes from those early preschool parties.
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Long Island
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She will get plenty of invitations in K and 1st grade and beyond... they often invite the whole class or the entire class' girls if it's a girls' party. Don't sweat it now.
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:18 PM
 
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As a parent of a child who is 3 years old there should be no discussion with the child. You make the decision that she is going or not and if/when you purchase a gift for the birthday child do not for any reason purchase a gift for your child as well. It is not their birthday and they should not receive a gift just because someone else is getting one.
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:32 PM
 
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For those that say, do not discuss this with your child or have her make the decision: I have always discussed upcoming events with her to make sure there are no surprises on the day and that she knows what to expect. In this case, I would like her to attend the party so that she gets to play with her friends and as someone said, it is important for connections and future relationships. If I didn't talk to her about it beforehand, wouldn't it be a disaster if we showed up to the birthday party and she has a meltdown due to the issues I mentioned? I would much rather talk to her about it before and try to have her understand why we should go, and if she still does not want to go, then we don't go (I do not want to force her).

And about the present, only the birthday child should get the present (if we decide to attend the party).
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basingstoke View Post
wouldn't it be a disaster if we showed up to the birthday party and she has a meltdown due to the issues I mentioned?
You could talk to her about it and in the heat of the moment she STILL might throw a fit.

If you have ANY qualms that she will pull this kind of stuff at the party, it means she is not ready, and you should not take her.

Three is VERY young. She's not required to attend a party. She can play with her friends at preschool.
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Old 03-27-2016, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,488 posts, read 15,923,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
As a parent of a child who is 3 years old there should be no discussion with the child. You make the decision that she is going or not and if/when you purchase a gift for the birthday child do not for any reason purchase a gift for your child as well. It is not their birthday and they should not receive a gift just because someone else is getting one.
I knew parents that always bought two identical presents, one for their child to keep and one for their child to give to the birthday child. I always disagreed with that.
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Old 03-27-2016, 08:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I knew parents that always bought two identical presents, one for their child to keep and one for their child to give to the birthday child. I always disagreed with that.
I have always bought my child a present at the same time we shopped for the birthday present. Amazingly, he has turned out to be pretty normal so far. I just found it too difficult to deal with explaining it when he was a toddler - sorry, but 3 year olds don't have the cognitive ability to fully understand these things - and it just kind of persisted as he got older. He doesn't seem to care anymore about getting a present when someone else does, but if we are in the toy store anyway, I do buy him something. I just don't think getting new toys is going to turn him into a serial killer or drug addict or something.
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Old 03-27-2016, 08:34 PM
 
Location: NY to NJ
644 posts, read 773,801 times
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Your kid is 3. If she doesn't want to go, then don't go. My DD last year only went to preschool 2 days a week half day. Come June, she still had no clue what half of the kids names were, let alone thinking these are going to be long term friendships. Most likely next year, if your daughter is with a different group of kids, she will
have all new" friends" anyway. And I'm going to use that term lightly bc, well, she's 3.
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