Son pantsed and beaten up by the same kid in middle school (bullying, custody)
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My son is a middle schooler in 8th grade - 14 yrs. He is very friendly and kind hearted person. He and the person who did this to my son - have known each other for sometime and we know their parents as well, is in same classes in school. When my son was not expecting - this guy pants my son in school gym from behind, in front of other students- even his underwears came down and he got so embarassed, he did not even report to school. Once we came to know we reported that to school and the kid who did this got two days of suspension and it took us some time to comfort and convince our son, it is not his fault and it was an accident etc. During the week that followed - i saw his father in one of the social events and talked to him and asked his son to stay away from my son. That dad did not even apologize instead he said you have complained in school and they punished him - you ask your son to stay away too. I told him i have asked my son to stay away as well. After this the other kid started taunting my son trash talking and provoking him at school on a regular basis. They started arguing who is better in sports etc and suddenly that kid punched my son from behind and threw him on the floor and my son just got up and walked away, did not respond back or report it to anyone. Then during the next period - that kid had kept pushing my son to the extent, if you are better than me why do not you fight me and show. Being an innocent person my son also agreed to fight him thinking that it would atleast shut himup. While they were going to court yard for their inteneded fight - the other kid - started punching my son on his face, when my son was least expecting and got hurt badly - nose blood, swollen lips. At this point the school got involved and punished both the boys - since they both agreed to fight. My son was crying saying i got punished for no fault of mine. When we talked to the school they said, our heart is with your son, the other kid is way out of line, but nothing can be done, since he is a juvenile and your son agreed to fight. We checked with law enforcement and they all said being a juvenile and this happened inside school nothing else could be done. My question is - both the boys are going to go the same high school in couple of months - i know that kid is very aggressive and provoking - so he would come and bother my son again. How do we handle this? Any other ways to prevent this kid from buggin my son. Any alternate ways to make sure this kid does not mess with any one else. We have assured our son that he has not done anything wrong and he has our support and the entire school know who is the aggressor and provoker, he seems to be taking it ok - but not sure how internally he is handling it. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. My guess is his dad is the culprit here for not taking care of the situation on his sons side.
These thing happen in middle school with boys, They think its funny.
Few Questions:
Are you a single Mom? (or have primary custody with absent father?)
Did he ask you to get involved in this @ school?
The boys will get over it, Have him (your son) blame you for all of this. The middle school suspension will have little/no effect on the boy's "permanent" record.
While your son was embarrassed, something you do not report, he'll gets over it, everyone in school will move on to the next embarrassing thing that happens in school within a day. Something you need to let him handle on his own, He did not physical get hurt, in the pants'ing. It was a friend/acquaintances who did it, not someone who had been picking on him for years.
My advice? Don't stand down. Years ago, my daughter was confronted by a young man in middle school that wanted her computer station. He had arrived to school too late and all of the stations were taken. She refused and he punched her in the face. Turns out that he had a pattern of this sort of violence and had never really been taken to task for it. The attitude taken by the school system was that we should skulk away and allow them to sweep this under the rug. Oh, no. It took hiring an attorney to make them take this seriously. Years later, my daughter is thriving, having never darkened the doorstep of a public school edifice again. As for the young man, he was expelled and l'm fairly sure is the guest of the state's penal system. I'm sure his parents (if they are even still in his life) think this is unjust. Me? I say turn that screw until somebody cries uncle.
My advice? Don't stand down. Years ago, my daughter was confronted by a young man in middle school that wanted her computer station. He had arrived to school too late and all of the stations were taken. She refused and he punched her in the face. Turns out that he had a pattern of this sort of violence and had never really been taken to task for it. The attitude taken by the school system was that we should skulk away and allow them to sweep this under the rug. Oh, no. It took hiring an attorney to make them take this seriously. Years later, my daughter is thriving, having never darkened the doorstep of a public school edifice again. As for the young man, he was expelled and l'm fairly sure is the guest of the state's penal system. I'm sure his parents (if they are even still in his life) think this is unjust. Me? I say turn that screw until somebody cries uncle.
I agree. "Turn the screw..." until you get satisfaction for your son's safety & well-being.
Just letting it go could prolong the abuse & problems for your son if he and the other kid do end up at the same high school next year.
And good for you to have spoken to the other father. He seems to be an enabler though.
I don't know. I tend to take a different stance. The more you stir the pot, the more likely it is that this situation will continue, especially if the other boy's Dad continues to get revved up. Have your son steer clear of the other boy as much as he possibly can and do your best to avoid the other parents. It is likely that the situation will go away on its own over the summer. The more you react, the more they react, and so on ad nauseum. I do agree with LovinDecatur though that public schools have no interest in arbitrating the fight (e.g., who started it). They will just punish both parties equally. If the situation continues in the fall, I would skip appealing to administration and go ahead and bring out the big guns (hire a lawyer). But only as the nuclear option.
My advice? Don't stand down. Years ago, my daughter was confronted by a young man in middle school that wanted her computer station. He had arrived to school too late and all of the stations were taken. She refused and he punched her in the face. Turns out that he had a pattern of this sort of violence and had never really been taken to task for it. The attitude taken by the school system was that we should skulk away and allow them to sweep this under the rug. Oh, no. It took hiring an attorney to make them take this seriously. Years later, my daughter is thriving, having never darkened the doorstep of a public school edifice again. As for the young man, he was expelled and l'm fairly sure is the guest of the state's penal system. I'm sure his parents (if they are even still in his life) think this is unjust. Me? I say turn that screw until somebody cries uncle.
1) Over the summer, the boys forget all about each other and pretty much ignore each other in high school (tends to happen, when they start worrying more about girls)
2) The problem persists. In which case -- I hate to say it -- but I kind of believe in intimidation. Have a big scary person go scare the living hell out of the kid and tell him he's going to have his ass severely kicked if he ever messes with your son again. Crude? Yeah...but effective.
If you want to take action with the school, since your son was pantsed in a way that involves underwear, I imaging you could go to the principal or board of education. Use the phrase "sexual assault" and I bet they'll take you seriously. Threaten legal action. Threaten to notify the media. Threaten to write an op-ed in the AJC. Tell them you want this problem dealt with swiftly and permanently, though it may be a bit too late at this point.
1) Over the summer, the boys forget all about each other and pretty much ignore each other in high school (tends to happen, when they start worrying more about girls)
2) The problem persists. In which case -- I hate to say it -- but I kind of believe in intimidation. Have a big scary person go scare the living hell out of the kid and tell him he's going to have his ass severely kicked if he ever messes with your son again. Crude? Yeah...but effective.
If you want to take action with the school, since your son was pantsed in a way that involves underwear, I imaging you could go to the principal or board of education. Use the phrase "sexual assault" and I bet they'll take you seriously. Threaten legal action. Threaten to notify the media. Threaten to write an op-ed in the AJC. Tell them you want this problem dealt with swiftly and permanently, though it may be a bit too late at this point.
Great idea. This might be the best advice you ever gave on here lol. OP, let them know that your boy was sexually assaulted since the other boy touched your son backside in order to grab his underwear. That is sexual assault. Imagine what would happen if a boy did that to a girl.
Unfortunately, going to the school after your son didn't report it himself only made it worse on your son. In middle school circles, that makes him a "mama's boy" and only leads to more taunting and bullying. Trying to have your son steer clear of the other boy could also lead to more issues since bullies like to go after those who appear to be afraid. Steering clear may be the mature, adult approach, but that doesn't click in the mind of a middle school child. The other child will just assume that he is scared of him and will continue to make his life miserable until he puts a stop to it.
I know that violence is frowned upon on this board, but if this thing doesn't die a natural death, then your son will have to try to stand up for himself (again). He may not have come out on top in the first physical altercation, but he could do well the next time around if you put him in some self defense or martial arts classes over the summer. That way, if he gets back to school in August and the other child still wants to act a fool, your son will be better prepared.
Schools these days couldn't care less about bullying in spite of their public claims to the contrary. As a result, you sometimes have to take matters into your own hands to stop an idiot from tormenting your child. You may have to just take it back to the old school and let your child make an example out of the other young man after he has the classes under his belt. Typically, other kids aren't quick to mess with the kid that handed out a public beatdown. I know that it is not pc, but that was how we handled bullying back when I was in school.
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Son pantsed...
