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Old 03-30-2016, 12:46 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
4 posts, read 2,186 times
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My 7 year old gets upset when her peers don't play continuously with her. She walks off, pouts, and says she feels left out and that no one wants to play with her. She said she had a bad day today. I acknowledge her feelings and reason with her about why kids might act the way they do. I offer some tips like walk with them, stand by them, compliment them, etc. She tries but she gives up when the attention is not constant. Here's the thing: lots of kids like her and she has friends! She's just an anxious girl!

What else could I do? What else could I say? I've tried reading friendship books to her but the ideas don't sink in.

Thanks.
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Old 03-30-2016, 04:00 AM
 
2,250 posts, read 1,275,605 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumomumo View Post
My 7 year old gets upset when her peers don't play continuously with her. She walks off, pouts, and says she feels left out and that no one wants to play with her. She said she had a bad day today. I acknowledge her feelings and reason with her about why kids might act the way they do. I offer some tips like walk with them, stand by them, compliment them, etc. She tries but she gives up when the attention is not constant. Here's the thing: lots of kids like her and she has friends! She's just an anxious girl!

What else could I do? What else could I say? I've tried reading friendship books to her but the ideas don't sink in.

Thanks.
Since you say that many children like her and that she has friends, I wouldn't really push for a behavior change because it sounds like the other children know how to deal with it. Our daughter has a classmate and a friend like your daughter and we encourage her to be kind but don't give in.

Continue reading friendship books to her. Personally, I read American Girl "how-to" books to my seven year old but that is because she was ready to listen to the ideas.
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Old 03-30-2016, 08:40 AM
 
218 posts, read 155,035 times
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There is only so much you can do. You can't force other kids to play with your daughter unfortunately.

My son was the same way at 7. It is heartbreaking. He wanted to play with other kids but always cried no one wanted to play with him. Fast forward 4 years. He is now 11 and has a ton of friends, loves going to school and his phone blows up all night and weekend from other kids. Things do change.
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Old 03-30-2016, 08:53 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,768,754 times
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I'm not sure what you mean when you say kids don't play continuously with her. However, it's important that you don't enable her behavior.

No kid should expect to be the center of attention all the time. Your daughter may need to learn and understand that. This is why I'm not sure what you mean.

Perhaps your daughter needs to learn to go with the flow of whatever the other kids are doing. Does she want to always be the leader of the group, in control of what they are doing ? And they are not accepting her as a leader ? Their pulling away from her may be a way of saying she is too pushy- they may not be willing to tolerate her pouting or sulking. Without knowing the exact circumstances, it's hard to tell.

Kids sometimes have to work these things out for themselves. Don't feel sorry for her, or let her think you are feeling sorry for her every time she complains that she is not the center of attention. What you seem to be trying to do is to show her how she can be the center of attention. That's not necessarily reasonable in a group of kids. Maybe try to let her know that group attention is going to be shared and her pouting, walking away, etc. is not going to be helpful. It will just turn the other kids off.
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Old 03-30-2016, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,499 posts, read 15,953,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
I'm not sure what you mean when you say kids don't play continuously with her. However, it's important that you don't enable her behavior.

No kid should expect to be the center of attention all the time. Your daughter may need to learn and understand that. This is why I'm not sure what you mean.

Perhaps your daughter needs to learn to go with the flow of whatever the other kids are doing. Does she want to always be the leader of the group, in control of what they are doing ? And they are not accepting her as a leader ? Their pulling away from her may be a way of saying she is too pushy- they may not be willing to tolerate her pouting or sulking. Without knowing the exact circumstances, it's hard to tell.

Kids sometimes have to work these things out for themselves. Don't feel sorry for her, or let her think you are feeling sorry for her every time she complains that she is not the center of attention. What you seem to be trying to do is to show her how she can be the center of attention. That's not necessarily reasonable in a group of kids. Maybe try to let her know that group attention is going to be shared and her pouting, walking away, etc. is not going to be helpful. It will just turn the other kids off.
This is what I was thinking, too.


As a teacher I have seen children who were always the center of attention at their homes. They always decided what to play, they always won every game that they played with their parents & grandparents, they always "ruled the roost". I have seen 4 year olds who had never in their entire life NOT been the winner of every single table game they played and NOT had the first choice in whatever they did or whatever toy they wanted. It would be pretty sad to see these kids try to adjust in classroom, recess and free choice situations.


Sometimes these children had a difficult time understanding that they were not always the leader, always the boss, always the ruler and that they actually had to take turns (oh, the humanity!).


To the OP, I am not sure if that is what you are talking about or something different.
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Old 03-30-2016, 10:08 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,694,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumomumo View Post
My 7 year old gets upset when her peers don't play continuously with her. She walks off, pouts, and says she feels left out and that no one wants to play with her.

Is she an only child? If so, it's time to wean her. She needs to be able to play by herself without your interaction.
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