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Old 04-02-2016, 11:58 AM
 
Location: NC
4,529 posts, read 7,035,557 times
Reputation: 4720

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tangelag View Post
This behavior did not develop in a vacuum. This child has been abused. Get out now. But before you do try to convince mom to request he be tested by the school. This is a dire situation. I've been in special education for almost 40 years. Good luck.
Totally agree!!! Sounds like abuse may have occurred and also, the mother is at a loss as to how to parent. You will not change this situation, but it will change you. You will not win. If the mother doesn't see it as an issue, you've already lost.
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Old 04-02-2016, 03:14 PM
 
1,612 posts, read 3,257,471 times
Reputation: 1722
I would run screaming from the situation! With all the nice women out there in the Forum, the OP couldn't find one with out so much baggage? When will the little demon turn on you and accuse you of abusing him? Do you want to go sit in a jail cell?


This woman has no business with a 'boyfriend'. She needs to spend every minute she can healing this poor little boy. Do it quick before he is a crazed teenager!!!
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Old 04-06-2016, 09:32 AM
 
13,009 posts, read 12,440,016 times
Reputation: 37270
Your girlfriend is a crap mother. Get out now. You can't save this kid, and no matter that his mother was there for you in some bad times, you do not owe her your allegiance because of it.

Trust me, I know what it's like. I have an ex who did a horrible job with his son. I thought everything could be fixed with logic and structure, but I had no legal claim and there was always an excuse from my ex about why my suggestions wouldn't work. I walked away eventually, and when I reconnected with the child a decade later when he was an adult he was just as screwed up as I expected him to be. But I couldn't stay around just for his sake - then I was just an enabler in their dysfunctional situation, a band-aid.

My ex is not a good person. Neither is your girlfriend. When you just sit by and watch your child self-destruct without buckling down and doing what needs to be done, there is no way you can be a good person. I learned this the hard way. Live your life and get away from this disaster of a woman and her poor kid. This is not a situation you can fix.

My ex's kid knows that if he starts making good decisions, I will do my best to help him out however I can. But that requires work he's not ready to put in yet. My contempt for his father knows no bounds, and I'm not normally someone who ends up despising her exes.

Edited to add: I would say your girlfriend's kid has likely been abused - it's often very hard to prove or to determine who was doing the abusing. My mother was a guidance counselor at elementary schools and there were a few incidents where children falsely accused people because they were scared to accuse the real culprit for various reasons.

Run, dude. Run as fast as you can. Nothing good is there for you.
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Old 04-06-2016, 10:21 AM
 
5,016 posts, read 4,828,482 times
Reputation: 11667
I didn't read beyond the first few posts. It's much harder when you are on the inside and this is happening day in and day out. I'm on the outside of course.

Bottom line is that this kid doesn't sound like the type that will respond to the standard methods of raising a child. So discipline and all that won't work here. He needs professional help and intervention, and a lot of it. Whatever the OP tries to do won't work - it'll just frustrate the OP. And blaming the mother is ridiculous and useless. It's not her fault. The kid is not in the normal sphere. He, as well as all the adults involved with his care need professional help. And it should come ASAP, the younger the better. And that's that.

Best of luck.
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Old 04-07-2016, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Upstate NY!
13,819 posts, read 24,548,281 times
Reputation: 7615
Hey...sometimes even the cutest kids...



Grow up to become this....

Spoiler

Leave, before you become dinner!
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:24 AM
 
4,748 posts, read 6,146,270 times
Reputation: 6711
This relationship is doomed. Resign yourself to that fact and then break it off.
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:44 AM
 
4,748 posts, read 6,146,270 times
Reputation: 6711
Quote:
Originally Posted by patches403 View Post
Unless you have just as many issues as these two do I don't understand why you aren't already running like heck away from this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slowpoke_TX View Post
OP, why do you choose to stay with a woman who neglects her child?
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Unless someone has seen things like this close up it is difficult to understand how strongly some parents can hold on to the delusion that their child is always right or is completely perfect or completely normal or whatever.
It's also difficult to understand how men can put up with such horrendous dysfunction and delusion just to keep their "peanut" satisfied. (had never heard it called that before, but thought it was funny!) Because that is what most of these situations are about, truthfully. "Leave the girlfriend? But there would go my ready source of sex!"
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Old 04-09-2016, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Upstate NY!
13,819 posts, read 24,548,281 times
Reputation: 7615
^ Men will put up with a lot...just to spread their peanut butter!
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