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Old 03-31-2016, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,110 posts, read 7,361,248 times
Reputation: 6183

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
It isn't the OP's place to spank a child who isn't his.
And if you read my comment I never recommended it to the OP. I just stated that the kid needs a spanking..
My advise to OP was to leave before the lying little Brat gets him in trouble..
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Old 03-31-2016, 08:27 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,664,859 times
Reputation: 6644
Please keep in mind if this continues as he gets older he will get smarter, he will pick up on everything going on and will eventually learn how to mimic "normal human emotions" and he will use this to become a master manipulator.

Normally I wouldn't make this about gender. But he has already started exhibiting this behavior with the "peanut" story. You as the male boyfriend are a target, and the longer you stay the better his aim will get.
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Old 03-31-2016, 08:43 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,774,116 times
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OP - what is it you want to happen?

All the comments are telling you that you can't help this kid and to get out before it becomes a disaster for you. You have not responded to the need to leave.

Instead you're talking about trying to get disability payments for the girlfriend and the son and you keep giving more examples of the kid's crazy behavior. Are you living in a dream world? There are some people in life who are attracted to dysfunction- they just love them some crazy. Is that you ?

Are you leaving ? If you don't leave, what the heck do you think is going to happen ?
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Old 03-31-2016, 08:49 PM
 
4,582 posts, read 6,154,758 times
Reputation: 5233
If this thread went this far and the OP is still with her and the bad kid then he will get what be wants. The kid is 7 now and one day will be a teenager. You have no record now or dealing with the court.

Any kid that even gives a false accusation of any type of abuse is dangerous. I say move on and let the mother and father deal with him. It may not happen but if that kid lies on you and one person believes him you could be looking at time and a serious designation.

Your "GF" will just move on.. Not me. Way too many red flags. I like my freedom.
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Old 03-31-2016, 09:42 PM
 
750 posts, read 381,666 times
Reputation: 633
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
Any kid that even gives a false accusation of any type of abuse is dangerous. I say move on and let the mother and father deal with him. It may not happen but if that kid lies on you and one person believes him you could be looking at time and a serious designation.
That is very true......I mentioned earlier in this thread about a situation my daughter was in because of false accusations by a cousin, and while I would rather not get into details, I will say this - if things had gone the way my sister and her husband wanted, my daughter would have been taken from my custody, put in a juvenile detention center, and forced to register as a sex offender. (fortunately, my mom offered to pay for a good lawyer, and he was able to get things settle to just probation......would have been far nastier if it had gotten to a trial)
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Old 03-31-2016, 11:59 PM
 
67 posts, read 44,575 times
Reputation: 133
All this horrendous and dangerous red flag behavior and IEP and no medical diagnosis? Something doesn't seem right with this story.....
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Old 04-01-2016, 04:24 AM
 
468 posts, read 481,405 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by ejlw7002 View Post
All this horrendous and dangerous red flag behavior and IEP and no medical diagnosis? Something doesn't seem right with this story.....
Maybe when it was first broached nobody told the OP, or lied about it. Maybe he's been going to these meetings and everybody just keeps talking around the issue, like they "know" everybody understands it but "they" (meaning OP) don't.

I mean, doesn't the mother sound like the type who would be "Pssssh.... sociopath?!? Not MY kid. Clearly those people are wrong and delusional. He's my special little snowflake, just with a little extra attitude and flavor", to any dire diagnosis?
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Old 04-01-2016, 05:01 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,506 posts, read 15,968,402 times
Reputation: 38909
Quote:
Originally Posted by ejlw7002 View Post
All this horrendous and dangerous red flag behavior and IEP and no medical diagnosis? Something doesn't seem right with this story.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by misskittytalks View Post
Maybe when it was first broached nobody told the OP, or lied about it. Maybe he's been going to these meetings and everybody just keeps talking around the issue, like they "know" everybody understands it but "they" (meaning OP) don't.

I mean, doesn't the mother sound like the type who would be "Pssssh.... sociopath?!? Not MY kid. Clearly those people are wrong and delusional. He's my special little snowflake, just with a little extra attitude and flavor", to any dire diagnosis?
I agree with misskitty. There may be an official diagnosis that the OP, the boy friend, does not know about or his GF could be lying to him or be in complete denial about her son.


Normal people have absolutely no idea how strongly some parents can fight having their child be officially diagnosed with anything that shows that they are not perfect.


I'm a retired special education teacher. I have had parents of students who fought having a diagnosis or fought that their child had problems for years, sometimes even a decade or more. I had a student who was evaluated and diagnosed with autism by at least six different doctors or autism specialized and the parents refused to believe them and kept going to new doctors hoping to be told that he was fine, pretending that their child had never been tested


Once a had a student who had a genetic disorder that was originally observed in the delivery room (Downs Syndrome) and was confirmed with genetic testing. Doctor after doctor, teacher after teacher, therapist after therapist explained to the parent that their child, while a great kid, needed extra help in learning. The parents, both college graduates, did not believe that their child was not absolutely perfect in everyway. They blamed the teachers because their child was not in the gifted and talented program (like they were in school). He was my student when he was 12 and the parents refused to accept that he had any special needs at all. They felt that every doctor and every genetic test was wrong and their child did not have Downs Syndrome. The parents even tried to find a plastic surgeon to "fix his face" but no doctor would do the surgery.


My husband used to be a criminal attorney. There were cases where the parents saw the bloody knife & their child wearing bloody clothes (as an example) or their child admitted the truth to them or they actually observed their child commit a crime, such as murder someone, and the parents still said "Not my son", "My son could never do that".

Unless someone has seen things like this close up it is difficult to understand how strongly some parents can hold on to the delusion that their child is always right or is completely perfect or completely normal or whatever.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:46 AM
 
15,836 posts, read 18,481,958 times
Reputation: 25622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbones112 View Post
His father is a dead beat.I've been buying his school cloths, shoes ,haircut s you name it for 3 years . I can not watch a kid go without out. His father has 50/50 custody and has him 3 days a week mon., tue,wed. He's where he gets those colorful words I mean everyone might slip time to time with a swear but his father says absolutely vial things in front of him and spends most of his money on remote control cares at 33yrs old. The only thing I'll say in his defense is about the peanut touching stuff because he has said about everyone who has made him mad including us. He definitely hits him also to each their own but he definitely should not be doing it. Especially when it is out of anger. My mother was a social worker for the department of mental health and child and family before that. She was a good parent and always made sure I was held accountable for my actions. My girlfriend has been there for me during some big loses in my life the past couple of years and I'm just trying to help but she thinks she knows her son better. And thinks I'm treating him unfairly when I tell her she is never going to have a normal life and that he is going to be in juvenile programs until jail. I know. I had bad attendance my freshman year of high school and was forced to go alternative school for a year before could go back to normal school and the kids were him in a few years. I
This child needs professional help. It sounds like you are in over your head and sticking around partly out of obligation because your girlfriend was there through your difficulties.

You are enabling her to avoid doing the right things for her child. She needs to get out of denial, and get to the right supportive professionals. At the very least you need to stay away when she has her son, because you are not helping...telling her these things is keeping her defensive and in denial.

You're speaking from your own past experiences, projecting that into this situation.

Get out of her way, because the sooner she spends all her time focusing on her son, without you running interference and distracting her the quicker she'll realize he needs professional help. Think of it as she needs to hit her bottom to get her son the help he needs.

Sounds like she needs to have him tested and definitely he needs cps involved because his father sounds emotionally abusive, but professionals have to determine that.

Instead of new clothes retain an attorney for her to get these issues in front of the courts. If his father is doing these things you describe someone has to intervene asap.

I also think you should walk away, your not helping this child emotionally. A person cannot hide their feelings, and your description of your feelings toward this child are detrimental.

ETA I read all your responses and I see that there are professionals involved and IEP's already in place.
I still say you need to step back...you either just be your girlfriend's soft place to fall when she doesn't have her son or completely get out of the picture.

Last edited by JanND; 04-01-2016 at 08:24 AM..
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Old 04-01-2016, 10:33 AM
 
6,169 posts, read 3,264,691 times
Reputation: 12518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbones112 View Post
I'm at the end of my rope. He calls her a c..nt, talks back constantly. He already has been removed from public school for exposing him self, swearing at teachers students and hitting. He has no diagnosed disabilities. He doesn't have any fear of punishment. He has to be watched while handling small animals and dogs. He abuses animals tried to choke a guinea pig and purposely hurt it and constantly feels the need to hurt things. He has never been hit or abused. He accepts no redirection from us or his teachers. He has to have the last word no matter what. I've raised my god son/nephew due to his mother being absent and helped with my cousins children for a few years after he passed and they had some issues of their own. I've never had a child be so disrespectful and have no remorse for his actions like this and have had to stop him from coming to my house because of fear what he will do or lie and say. And refuse to be alone with him ever he can not be trusted. He has told school and child protective services lies on countless occasions lies to get his way and try to get his mother and I in trouble for taking his tablet away and said we hit him . He is extremely manipulative. He also said daddy touched my peanut to avoid going there for split custody which has been forever. Upon investigating the department of child services specialist decided it was a lie. I don't know what to do and it's tearing us apart. My girlfriend constantly makes excuses and doesn't punish and still gives him chance after chance. Shes leaving me no options and I see myself losing it I'm not perfect and at the end of my rope. I am an extremely laid back individual who is always calm and believe in structure, unconditional love and understanding but I'm losing it. Help
Regardless of the reason, the child is a future prison inmate.

I would have to drop the friend. She is an enabler, which to me is similar to an alcoholic. I would think it'd also be dangerous for me, the friend, as the years go by, and I'm "exposed" to such a bad seed. There's no telling what he'll do when he'd older.

You can't fix someone else's child, or change your friend's actions. If it were me, I'd have to drop the friend.
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